Fatty Taxman Peter Canning (42 stone) was today accused of attending a football match involving the Albion today at Scunthorpe whilst NOT being pissed out of his tree.
Shocked onlookers were aghast as the former Cardinal Newman girl managed the full 90 minutes without starting up a chorus of 'Bright Eyes', looking dreamily at a jism stained picture of Tiffany from 1982, referring to all the Albion players as 'my son' or pissing down the front of his kecks.
Albion supremo Dick Knight has agreed to launch an investigation, and was quoted as saying "Pete Canning is the moon faced eighth wonder of the wold. If there is water found in the alcohol that runs through his veins then this could pose a serious health risk. In a recent poll the Taxman was rated as the second most recognised landmark in Sussex, between Brighton Pavilion and the two for one titwank nights at the Honey Club on a Thursday. I am worried that if he starts to watch the Albion sober, he might see some things that could give him a huge scare, Pete is still under the impression that Terry Connor plays in the number 8 shirt after all."
Rumours that four brewers have issued profit warnings to the Stock Exchange as a result of Canning being seen with a bottle of Evian in his hand have yet to be confirmed.
Shocked onlookers were aghast as the former Cardinal Newman girl managed the full 90 minutes without starting up a chorus of 'Bright Eyes', looking dreamily at a jism stained picture of Tiffany from 1982, referring to all the Albion players as 'my son' or pissing down the front of his kecks.
Albion supremo Dick Knight has agreed to launch an investigation, and was quoted as saying "Pete Canning is the moon faced eighth wonder of the wold. If there is water found in the alcohol that runs through his veins then this could pose a serious health risk. In a recent poll the Taxman was rated as the second most recognised landmark in Sussex, between Brighton Pavilion and the two for one titwank nights at the Honey Club on a Thursday. I am worried that if he starts to watch the Albion sober, he might see some things that could give him a huge scare, Pete is still under the impression that Terry Connor plays in the number 8 shirt after all."
Rumours that four brewers have issued profit warnings to the Stock Exchange as a result of Canning being seen with a bottle of Evian in his hand have yet to be confirmed.
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There isn't even a STATION at Land's End.
