Stoke fanzine wants to know all about us...

[Bozza]

Answer as few or as many of the below as you like and I'll send the best/funniest etc to them...


Tell us a bit about your team this season– star players, prima donnas, shit haircuts etc, etc…

“It’s better to win the Play Offs at the Millenium Stadium than actually win the title”. Discuss.

And what do BHA fans think of Big Chris Iwelumo?

What style of play can we expect to see from you at The Brit?

Your away support is usually decent for the numbers you get at home, isn’t it?

Mark McGhee. You rate him?

……and if so, aren’t you slightly worried that you worship someone who everyone else thinks is a twat?

Apart from Normacot and Anchor Road Athletic, you’re the only club I know named after two separate areas. How come?

Describe your chairman in 10 words.

Give us the lowdown on all the troubles at BHA in the past decade.

And what’s happening with Farmer?

What’s the independent fan culture like at Brighton eg. Fanzines, supporters clubs, website etc.

Over twenty quid to sit in an athletics stadium. Aren’t Brighton taking the piss?

We have ‘Delilah’. What’s your anthem and why?

Are you pissed off with being the apparent plaything of Londoners who go on f****** endlessly about popping down to Brighton for the weekend?

I’ve got 24 hours in your city. Tell me where to eat, sleep, drink, shop, throw up, etc

…You have a comedy rivalry with Palace. How come?

“And Smith must score”. Tell me your thoughts when he didn’t.

Which areas do you draw your support from apart from Brighton and Hove?

What are your thoughts about Stoke-on-Trent, Stoke City, Stoke fans?

If you could have one of our players for your club which one would you have and why?

‘Brighton could be a massive club’. Discuss.

Tell us about your Coca Cola Kid.

How do you think you’ll do this season?

….and your prediction for today is…

 

[cardboard]

Blimey!!!!!!!!!


I'll pass

 

[Gully]

Stoke fans are the most boring set of supporters I have ever come across, yes they have Delilah, but that is it, they sing sod all else.

Yes we pay over 20 quid to sit in an open stand at an athletics stadium, it is however one of the most picturesque grounds you will ever get to see in England being in a natural bowl and surrounded by trees. Think of Withdean and then contrast that with an old stadium in some anonymous suburb surrounded by terraced houses or a soulless modern ground in an industrial estate, basic it may be but it is home.

Where do our fans come from, just take out your atlas, open it on any page, there's Brighton there, there's Brighton there...

 

[El Presidente]

Answer as few or as many of the below as you like and I'll send the best/funniest etc to them...


Tell us a bit about your team this season– star players, prima donnas, shit haircuts etc, etc… Star players this season are probably Dean Hammond, who has scored a couple of goals but missed sitters in the last four games, and Leon Knight, who is playing the best football of his career. Prima Donna is Pepsi Max himself, Mr Kazim-Richards, who is promising, but thinks he is Schevchenko and Henry rolled into one. Charlie Oatway is candidate for ugliest player in the Championship, but probably earns the silver medal against three times world champion Luke Chadwick of course.

“It’s better to win the Play Offs at the Millenium Stadium than actually win the title”. Discuss. Undoubtedly better to win the Play-Offs. The tension of the two legged semi-final, where we were crap for both legs but got to the final thanks to a 122nd minute equaliser from Adam Virgo, will not be forgotten for a long time. The Millenium stadium is an experience any fan should enjoy, and we did, although again the football was woeful. The only downside was being charged £37,000 by the Football League for the fireworks at the end of the game.

And what do BHA fans think of Big Chris Iwelumo? Big Chris had a great debut at Cheaterfield with a 25 yarder, and won us the penalty at the Millennium Stadium against the carrot crunchers. He did not do a huge amount in between those two games, and then turned down the offer of a contract the following season and instead signed for crack Albanian 3rd division outfit FC Chipmunk

What style of play can we expect to see from you at The Brit? This season we are playing with two wingers who can't cross, and two five foot two strikers, so it's a bit like being attacked by the dwarf clowns at a circus on a fire engine with three triangular wheels.

Your away support is usually decent for the numbers you get at home, isn’t it?

If you have ever endured the Withdean 'experience' you will see why we prefer to travel away from home rather than to our 'intimidating' home ground. Our trip to the Britannia could be the first game after the Falmer decision has been made, so will be either extremely happy or suicidal. A 'No' decision from Prescott is the end of the club, the board cannot continue propping up the club, even if Fatboy Slim has a few more top 10 hits.

Mark McGhee. You rate him? On the whole yes, he likes to experiment (this has been confirmed too by Mrs. McGhee, especially when he arrives home from training carrying a gimp mask, gas maek and and a tube of Deep Heat). On the non-existent budget caused by the haemmorage of cash for the Falmer Inquiry (£3 million and counting) he has done well to have had a promotion and a last day avoidance of relegation in his two seasons. We know that if he does well then he will be off, but I think that the chances of a big club coming after him must have receded by now as he has been sacked by quite a few clubs by now

……and if so, aren’t you slightly worried that you worship someone who everyone else thinks is a twat? He always gets a special warm welcome from Reading and Millwall that's for sure. I would not call him a twat to his face, as he can look after himself, and drinks pints of whisky for fun.

Apart from Normacot and Anchor Road Athletic, you’re the only club I know named after two separate areas. How come? Ever heard of Rushden and Diamonds or Bournemouth and Boscombe Athletic?

Describe your chairman in 10 words. This depends on whether we win or lose Falmer, if we win, "Hero, Saviour, Rescuer, not that Twat Bill Archer", if we lose then "Dreamer, Waster, does anyone have Ardiles' phone number?"

Give us the lowdown on all the troubles at BHA in the past decade. It's a classic case of a club initially living beyond it's means, then being 'rescued' by two rich men (former Chairman and Director Bill Archer and Greg Stanley are worth around £600 million between them) who conned the fans into believing them, then without realising it they had removed our trousers and made us touch our toes (something we normally prefer to do just for our boyfriends of course) by selling the ground and forcing us to groundshare with the pikey's from Gillingham (it could have been worse, the initial idea was to go to Portsmouth).

And what’s happening with Farmer? See above

What’s the independent fan culture like at Brighton eg. Fanzines, supporters clubs, website etc. Fanzines have dried up since the emergence of the internet. It's a shame as they are normally a good source of piss taking, but we have a thriving website on www.northstandchat.com, which is a very broad church, and threads often go way off topic, all away fans are welcome. For those with a strong stomach who enjoy talking about rimming, wanking, spastics and shagging your mum, with the occasional message about the Albion then try northstandpolls, in addition there are football only sites at brightonfans and another one that is so mediocre that I cannot bear to mention it's name.

Over twenty quid to sit in an athletics stadium. Aren’t Brighton taking the piss? Compared to Palace charging us £30 to go to the caravan centre of the universe it's not too bad, but of your £20, £3 goes to for a travel voucher, £6 for renting the stadium from the council £3 for the Falmer inquiry and another £3.50 to the government in VAT). It's a shithole and we know it, just be thankful you only have to go there once a season.

We have ‘Delilah’. What’s your anthem and why? "Good old Sussex by the Sea" it's a traditional local song. We also endlessly sing "Stand up if you want Falmer" for about 20 minutes during each match, which can get boring, but with a decision promised by the end of October we can hopefully sing something else at the Britannia.

Are you pissed off with being the apparent plaything of Londoners who go on f****** endlessly about popping down to Brighton for the weekend? Yes, they clog up the city, make it impossible to park a car and try to steal our boyfriends from us.

I’ve got 24 hours in your city. Tell me where to eat, sleep, drink, shop, throw up, etc Eat at Grubbs, a burger chain which serves up the best burgers on the planet. Loads of pubs, anywhere in central Brighton is fine, plenty of clubs too, if you fail to pull with a local girl you must be either gay or Luke Chadwick.

…You have a comedy rivalry with Palace. How come? It all began with a FA Cup match in 1976-77 which went to 2 replays. As well as their rent a thug Jim Cannon kicking lumps out of legendary striker Peter Ward, in the second replay we were awarded a penalty, scored, but the ref (Ron Challis, officially still banned from the twin cities of Brighton and Hove) demanded it be retaken and it was saved. Manager Alan Mullery went ballistic and at the end of the match threw his loose change at the Palace fans saying "You're not worth that Palace" and giving them a set of 'V' signs. It all kicked off big style in the streets of Croydon after the game and there has been mutual loathing ever since. The London media giving Palace the 'team of the 80's" tag did not help either.

“And Smith must score”. Tell me your thoughts when he didn’t. It was at the far end so we did not see how good a chance it was. To be honest Smith was so surprised that greedy bastard striker Michael Robinson had passed to him having muscled past Kevin Moran that he dwelt on the ball too long and it lodged under Gary Bailey's arse.

Which areas do you draw your support from apart from Brighton and Hove? All over Sussex, there are no clubs within a 50 mile radius.

What are your thoughts about Stoke-on-Trent, Stoke City, Stoke fans? Lots of Pottery, cheap houses, depressed industrial area. We always lose at Stoke so don't enjoy the trip too much. There have been a few unprovoked attacks on Albion fans a few seasons ago when we were both going for promotion which seemed uncalled for, but not as bad as at Port Fail when we went up as Champions under Peter Taylor and their local Burberry brigade invaded the pitch twice and made it a very ugly encounter in the war torn streets of Burslem after the game.

If you could have one of our players for your club which one would you have and why? Luke Chadwick, to make Charlie Oatway the second ugliest player at a club for the first time in his career.

‘Brighton could be a massive club’. Discuss. Big catchment area, history of crowds of 25,000+ in the third and second divisions, strength of the pink pound, Des Lynam, good youth policy could make us a fair size club, massive?? Never!

Tell us about your Coca Cola Kid. He arrived in a blaze of publicity, and the pressure has probably got to him. He has promise, but his ego is greater than his talent and he needs to apply himself more. My Bury season ticket holding mate reckons he is better than Nugent, who Preston are claiming is worth £5million, so fingers crossed that he will blossom after a slow start.

How do you think you’ll do this season? Fourth from bottom!

….and your prediction for today is… If it's a yes for Falmer then an entertaining 2-2 draw, if not a depressing 2-0 defeat.

 

[Lord Bracknell]

Apart from Normacot and Anchor Road Athletic, you’re the only club I know named after two separate areas. How come?

Sussex is the home of football clubs with daft names. Have you heard of Chichester City United?

 

[London Irish]

The two seperate areas thing, what about Rushden and Diamonds, isn't it Midlands-ish and hence near-ish those Stoke twats?

 

[smudge]

We've got Palace, they've got Port Vale.

Which is the comedy rivalry?

Go & choke on a f***ing "oat cake" you strange breed of shithole dwellers!

 

[Tom Hark Preston Park]

Go & choke on a f***ing "oat cake" you strange breed of shithole dwellers!

We'll just send them smudge's contribution then

 

[B.M.F]

Brighton & Hove Albion is not named after 2 places anymore, it is named after 1 city

 

[trueblue]

Chairman in ten words:

Knight in shining armour but needs to win the lottery.

 

[rogue]

Stoke fans are the most boring set of supporters I have ever come across, yes they have Delilah, but that is it, they sing sod all else.

Yes we pay over 20 quid to sit in an open stand at an athletics stadium, it is however one of the most picturesque grounds you will ever get to see in England being in a natural bowl and surrounded by trees. Think of Withdean and then contrast that with an old stadium in some anonymous suburb surrounded by terraced houses or a soulless modern ground in an industrial estate, basic it may be but it is home.

Where do our fans come from, just take out your atlas, open it on any page, there's Brighton there, there's Brighton there...

Who gives a shit about the surroundings.It doesn't make up for the shit views,crap atmosphere,no roofing,wank facilities,tiny capacity.I would rather have a proper ground weather it's on a a indusrtrail estate or housing estate.I really cannot stomac shitty Withdean much more.By the way Stoke have a new ground just in case you didn't know

 

[itszamora]

Tell us a bit about your team this season– star players, prima donnas, shit haircuts etc, etc…

Albert Jarrett undoubtedly has a shit haircut, and Seb Carole is class. As is Leon Knight. But we are still too poor to really compete in this league.

“It’s better to win the Play Offs at the Millenium Stadium than actually win the title”. Discuss.

Yes it is. Fantastic day out and a great chance to show just how much we need Falmer.

And what do BHA fans think of Big Chris Iwelumo?

Better than Mark McCammon, did a decent job before f***ing off. Strange accent though.

What style of play can we expect to see from you at The Brit?

Either kick it at Leon Knight's head, or try and play some decent stuff on the floor with pace and width. Hopefully the latter.

Your away support is usually decent for the numbers you get at home, isn’t it?

Yes it is. The people at Withdean who glare at you if you dare to stand up or heaven forbid sing don't go away.

Mark McGhee. You rate him?

Yes.

……and if so, aren’t you slightly worried that you worship someone who everyone else thinks is a twat?

No, he's a legend.

Apart from Normacot and Anchor Road Athletic, you’re the only club I know named after two separate areas. How come?

What about Rushden & Diamonds? They're named after Rushden Town and Irthlingborough Diamonds. We're named because we've played in Hove for almost all of our 104 year existence I guess, and now Brighton & Hove are officially one city.

Describe your chairman in 10 words.

A great man, slightly egotistical and needs some more cash.

Give us the lowdown on all the troubles at BHA in the past decade.

Bastard chairman acquires club for £56.25. Sells ground for vast personal profit, forcing team to play in Gillingham for 2 years before returning to Brighton in a converted athletics ground. £3 million+ spent on application for new ground that has been going on for 6 years thanks to NIMBYs and neighbouring district council, Prescott will make a decision by the end of the month.

And what’s happening with Farmer?

My farmer friend is at the moment very angry as he thinks our student radio station is going to pot, which it is. Falmer on the other hand will be sorted one way or the other by the end of the month - either nice stadium and bright future or slow death at Withdean.

What’s the independent fan culture like at Brighton eg. Fanzines, supporters clubs, website etc.

There's quite a lot of websites, precious little fanzine action though that I am aware of. As for the supporters club, lets just say opinions vary...

Over twenty quid to sit in an athletics stadium. Aren’t Brighton taking the piss?

Yes and no. It is ridiculous, but even at that price doesn't prevent us making a loss every game at te place as it's rented. One more reason why every football fan should demand a YES to Falmer from John Prescott.

have ‘Delilah’. What’s your anthem and why?

Sussex by the Sea, as sung properly it is possibly the most inspiring song on the planet.

Are you pissed off with being the apparent plaything of Londoners who go on f****** endlessly about popping down to Brighton for the weekend?

A little, still it gives us some of their cash and it's not like they're ever talking about going to Stoke for the weekend!

I’ve got 24 hours in your city. Tell me where to eat, sleep, drink, shop, throw up, etc

Eat at Donatello's, quality and affordable Italian (and sponsor us!) Sleep in a hotel, there's quite a lot. Drink somewhere that serves Harveys. Shop at Churchill Square and in the Lanes. And throw up outside the Event or Creation.

…You have a comedy rivalry with Palace. How come?

Because they are pikey inbred Croydon scum.

“And Smith must score”. Tell me your thoughts when he didn’t.

I wasn't born, so didn't really pay much attention.

Which areas do you draw your support from apart from Brighton and Hove?

Most of Sussex, though sadly increasing numbers of Portsmouth shirts are being sighted over to the west, and Palace ones in the north. It's not good.

What are your thoughts about Stoke-on-Trent, Stoke City, Stoke fans?

I'm pretty neutral really. They make glass and pottery in Stoke. And Robbie Williams supports the other team there. Nice stadium, can we have one please?

If you could have one of our players for your club which one would you have and why?

Have you got a midfielder who can pass? If so yes please!

‘Brighton could be a massive club’. Discuss.

Not sure about massive, but pretty big, yes. Nice shiny stadium and an entire county to draw fans from does give us potential.

Tell us about your Coca Cola Kid.

In time, I think he will prove to be a very worthwhile investment.

How do you think you’ll do this season?

We'll stay up, but it'll probably be close again.

….and your prediction for today is…

A score draw, we might sneak it but I think that's unlikely.

 

[Pevenseagull]

Hampton & Richmond

 

[itszamora]

Havant & Waterlooville. I think we've kind of ruined his point there now!

 

[Lord Bracknell]

An old git writes ...


Bournemouth and Boscombe Athletic.

 

[turienzo's lovechild]

dagenham & redbridge

 

[Everest]

Mark McGhee. You rate him?

Step forward Ernest.

 

[Pevenseagull]

Gravesend & Northfleet

 

[Braders]

Re: Re: Stoke fanzine wants to know all about us...

Step forward Ernest.

and
Describe your chairman in 10 words.

 

[Stinky Kat]

The Britania needs a wrap round as the wind blows in and its bloody cold, still slightly better than Withdean though