PERSONAL GAFFES - ever said something you wish you hadn't ?

[Easy 10]

Ever put your foot knee-deep in the shit and nearly died of embarrassment as a result ?

I was in the pub a while back, when this girl I hadn't seen in years came bounding over and said "Easy 10 - is that you ?" (well, she used my real name, but you get my point). I squinted at her and recognition dawned, I hadn't seen her since school.
"Oooooh, hello Lianne, how are you" etc etc. There followed a bried exchange of pleasantries, I bought her a drink, and then noticing she was a little more rotund than I remembered, without thinking I asked cheerfully "so when is the baby due ?"
"I'm not pregnant" came the inevitable reply, followed by a dejected expression...the conversation pretty much died on its arse there and then, so I made my excuses and left.

Anyone else done similar ?

 

[Tom Hark Preston Park]

Was Best man at me brother's wedding. With drink taken, the speech came out a bit wrong. I started off by thanking the parents of both the brides. Minor lapse, and I could probably have got away with it. Except the bride was an orphan.

 

[El Presidente]

"Will you marry me" about 13 years ago

 

[thedonkeycentrehalf]

Playing football at Ford Prison, we were 2-0 down in the first ten minutes. Little old me playing in goal shouts out "come on lads, play with some conviction" before realising what I had said and where I was.

A hundred Ford inmates watching the game make the next 80 minutes one of the most scary experiences in my football playing life!!!

 

[MRRF 10]

Playing football at Ford Prison, we were 2-0 down in the first ten minutes. Little old me playing in goal shouts out "come on lads, play with some conviction" before realising what I had said and where I was.

A hundred Ford inmates watching the game make the next 80 minutes one of the most scary experiences in my football playing life!!!

 

[Guinness Boy]

Playing football at Ford Prison, we were 2-0 down in the first ten minutes. Little old me playing in goal shouts out "come on lads, play with some conviction" before realising what I had said and where I was.

A hundred Ford inmates watching the game make the next 80 minutes one of the most scary experiences in my football playing life!!!

LOL that's priceless. You have to get on the after dinner speakers set just to tell that one.

Sadly I've said numerous twatty things at various intervals but none are as funny or memorable as that one.

 

[Incredigull]

Welcome to our club Mr.Bellotti,take a seat ..

 

[Titanic]

Welcome to our club Mr.Bellotti,take a seat ..

You PERSONALLY said that ?? Blimey what a weight to have on your conscience! You poor man

 

[CAFC Matt]

Playing football at Ford Prison, we were 2-0 down in the first ten minutes. Little old me playing in goal shouts out "come on lads, play with some conviction" before realising what I had said and where I was.

A hundred Ford inmates watching the game make the next 80 minutes one of the most scary experiences in my football playing life!!!

That is very funny .

 

[sbee]

I remember being in a pub in Notting Hill and talking to some of
our Antipodean cousins, none of whom I knew.....friends of
friend sort of thing.

I was ranting about how easy it was to tell the difference between Aussies and NZealanders (accent-wise), having
lived in London for five years (this was back in 1992).

In fact when I suggested that the company was entirely
New Zealander, to a man they praised me for my accuracy.

I then went off on one about the Aussies and my dislike for
everything Australian.......it was an alcohol enhanced tirade..
you can imagine! No holds barred.

So when they told me that they had actually been lying and weren't NZ....well, ahem, I didn't even ask for my coat.

 

[Lord Bracknell]

Weddings. They always bring out the worst.

A mate of mine re-married. Over the years, he and I had worked together in a number of bands and he asked me to MC the entertainment at the wedding reception. The climax of my performance was at the end of the evening, when I made a nice little speech to all the guests, finishing up by wishing Rex and Joan a long and happy marriage.

Oh shit.

Joan was his first wife.

I still cringe.

 

[sbee]

But Lord B,

Did it get a laugh?

 

[Lord Bracknell]

But Lord B,

Did it get a laugh?

Only from his new wife - who thought it was hilarious.

 

[sbee]

Well, LB,

I have a rule which says that if only one person
laughs at your gag, then it's been successful.

........haven't had any work in months mind!

 

[Brovion]

I was at a function once and one of my neighbours was there. I knew her by sight but had never spoken so this was a good chance to do it. She is Chinese and her family owned one of the local takeaways. Well that's what I'd been told by another neighbour. So I said to her: "Hi, I've seen you around, tell me, which takeaway do you own, is it the one in Ditchling Road?"

She stared at me icily and replied "I'm a computer programmer", turned on her heel and walked away. I have NEVER been so embarrassed in all my life. I blame my neighbour and my wife (who also thought the same). Just proves how racist one can be with a careless remark and not thinking beforehand.

 

[Braders]

the sites not big enough for the ammount of gaffes i've done !

 

[Meade's Ball]

I was at a wedding last year and had been up all the night before getting pretty bollocksed. This didn't make for my finest performance. During the toast, i thought i'd joked in my head "It'll never last." As everyone turned round, i realised i must have said it out loud. Needless to say, i felt terrible.

Now, just 18 months later, the couple are getting divorced. So, every cloud etc.

 

[Potters Tiger]

I was doing door to door sales for a gas company in Portsmouth a couple of years ago when I called at a house. "Good Evening sir" I said. "It's Madam" she said. Says a lot for the women of Pompey.

 

[Drooper]

I remember years ago playing sunday leage football, we took to the field and all took our positions, and as I am a mouthy git on the pitch I started shouted to to all of my team one at a time by name encouragements ( I will leave you to image what they might be ?) after about 30 secs I noticed that nobody was moving or even saying anything, then I reliased it was rememberence Sunday and we were in the 1 min silence, I wanted the ground to open up and sallow me.

I played a subdued game that day

 

[glosterseagull]

I have a boring (to everyone else) sense of humour. Example: The receptionist answers the phone and says " May I ask who's calling?" I reply "Yes you may!"

I have a simarlar un funny saying...I see someone at the bar and say hi, then when I see them again a few minutes later I will say "Ive just seen your brother at the bar, he looks just like you!" The blank look while they think about it for a moment then sort of smile with a tinge of thinking "prat". Always amuses me.

Until....

I was at dinner when I met a friend of a friend he was happy to see me and we chatted for a while. Then I left through one door and him through another I was met by another friend who introduced me to the first chap. I was amased as I had just left his company.

So I said "Hello, John how are you? I've just been talking to you brother in the other room, he looks just like you!" He smiled and left.
Then my friend said "you didn't hear then?"
"Hear what?"

"John's twin brother was killed in a car accident a few weeks ago!"

cringe.....