METROsexual NO. RETROsexual YES. VOTE NOW.

[Tony Meolas Loan Spell]

As many of you know I HATE all that is so called METROsexual so I am going to purchase this book and RECLAIM when men WERE MEN.

Like Sean Connery, Burt Reynolds, John Travolta and the Bee Gees, HAIRY chests & MEDALLIONS.

Look at the cover BLOWING smoke into a birds FACE. BRILLIO.

That is WHAT I am TALKING about.

There is a quick pop quiz to TEST your METROsexuality:

1. gay men come onto me
2.Use conditioner or moisturiser
3.Carry a manbag
4.I know what colour socks I'm wearing
5.know what a manicure etc involves
6.Like to go commando
7.call toiletries products
8.Shave any part of my body
9.KNow my hairdresser's name
10.Borrow toiletries or clothes from gf


I am PROUD to say I score a 2 (possibly 3) out of 10.

Yes to 1 (I am a LOOKER after all), yes to 2 (if you count using a conditioner occasionally and after shave balm every now and then) yes to 4 (black or white trainer socks).

As for 9 I have been going to the same BARBERS for nearly 7 years and still only know him as "mate".

For the purposes of this, 8. shaving your FACE is acceptable.

Get it from Amazon and LEARN. 2nd hand starts from 50p!!

 

[Notters]

11. Iron your shirts

 

[Stoo82]

A real man dosen't care.

 

[Braders]

I score 1/10 ... but SURELY everyone knows what a manicure is?

0/10 if that means actually having one

 

[Tony Meolas Loan Spell]

I score 1/10 ... but SURELY everyone knows what a manicure is?

0/10 if that means actually having one

I think they means SPECIFIC details.

I know it involves BIRDS NAILS. But thats it. So you can say you know nothing.

 

[Simster]

Aw Jeez. Not this SHIT again.

 

[SirDouglasLoft]

1
2
3
8

 

[Tony Meolas Loan Spell]

Aw Jeez. Not this SHIT again.

It deserves a WIDER audience...

Sorting the wheat from the chaff.

 

[Wilko]

10/10 - PROPER metro me.

Can I just add that when TMLS, Ponce Mohammed Buzzer and I go on holiday it is Mr.Meola that has the biggest bag, the most clothes for all types of weather, all folded neat and tidy. How metro is that?

A few t-shirts, shorts and flip flops in a little ruck sack for me.

 

[Braders]

I think they means SPECIFIC details.

I know it involves BIRDS NAILS. But thats it. So you can say you know nothing.

ah then 0/10 *propergeezer*

 

[Hiney]

8/10

and proud








what?

 

[Simster]

It deserves a WIDER audience...

Sorting the wheat from the chaff.

Well you decided I was a 50/50 METRO, whatever the f*** that means.

 

[Tony Meolas Loan Spell]

Well you decided I was a 50/50 METRO, whatever the f*** that means.

It means that basically you are a straight acting gayer.

 

[The Spanish]

I think they means SPECIFIC details.

I know it involves BIRDS NAILS. But thats it. So you can say you know nothing.

I am going to chuck a grenade into this ancient debate and say I had a manicure a few weeks ago and it was ace. In my defence it was a saucy filipina did it while I had my hair cut in a BARBERS and it was 2 quid but the point stands.

 

[Braders]

found this on an article for it

Retrosexual rules of physical contact
A firmly-gripped hand and two shakes are permitted on meeting or departing.
One congratulatory hearty slap on the back is permitted after a birth/divorce announcement or a score of more than a hundred at darts.
Sporting congratulations can consist of either of the above or a small ruffle of the hair (A playful exchange of small punches can be OK, but steer clear of wrestling, leg entanglement or any grappling which brings the faces into close proximity.)
When officially accepted as being drunk, a man can hug, lick and kiss any other man - provided he apologises within 12 hours of sobering up.
The Retrosexual man's checklist for decision making
Will anyone die?
Do I care?

Retrosexual shopping basket
Box of 12 cans of lager
Bottle of Jack Daniel's
Two ready meal curries - extra hot
Two tins of Heinz beans
Two Pot Noodles
Large bag of potatoes
One large steak
Toilet rolls
Large slab of economy cheddar cheese
PG Tips tea bags
Six eggs

First date rules for a Retrosexual
Say something nice about her looks but in a way that shows a lack of understanding: "That's a nice badge, brooch-type thing you're wearing."
If she starts banging on about stuff that doesn't interest you, the general rule is nod twice and smile at 20-second intervals.
Be assertive. Be prepared to order for her at the restaurant and try to send some element of your meal back to show you mean business.


The Retrosexual guide to sex
Foreplay. Get her to send a text when she's ready. You'll be down the pub.
Matchoftheday Interruptus. The opening bars of MOTD's theme tune overheard on a telly while doing the business has put many a retrosexual bloke off his stroke. Try to blot it out and hurry up with the job in hand.
Post-coital behaviour. The retrosexual man must never:
1. Whisper: "I'm sorry."
2. Cry.
3. Declare undying love. Instead assume a silent reverie. (Picturing a freshly cooked full English will help.)

 

[Tony Meolas Loan Spell]

YES ARBARDLEY.

This is what I mean. As Buzzer alluded to none of this kissing and cuddling shit.

 

[Bozza]

ah then 0/10 *propergeezer*

At any given moment in time, you don't know what colour socks you are wearing?

 

[Tony Meolas Loan Spell]

I am going to chuck a grenade into this ancient debate and say I had a manicure a few weeks ago and it was ace. In my defence it was a saucy filipina did it while I had my hair cut in a BARBERS and it was 2 quid but the point stands.

Hmm unless it was me love you long time ten dorrar...im not sure if we can allow this.

 

[strings]

4.5

the .5 because I get my other half to shave my head once a week (saves hairdressers cost, being that I'm only having a grade 1 all over) - and yes I know her name, but calling her a hairdresser is a bit steep.

The other pints I meet are 1, 2, 3 and 4.

I always thought I was more metro than that...

 

[Tesco in Disguise]

zero.

shaving your face is for faggots.