Masterchef

[clapham_gull]

More brilliant examples tonight of Gregg doing his usual and simply reading out the ingrediants in response.

"I've getting Lemon, I've getting Fish, I've getting Cucumber. It's a cucumbey, lemony fish delight. Well done."

What's his problem of getting the spoon out of his mouth when he eats a pudding. When he's tasting his mains he manages to withdraw the fork quite quickly, but his spoon gets stuck in his mouth.

 

[brighton_girl87]

It's like a pile of SUNSHINE on a PLATE.

I don't know what it is about him but he really makes my stomach turn

 

[vegster]

I quite enjoy the Australian Masterchef series on Watch evry now and again.

A little surprising cos I usually find Australians bloody annoying. Can't really take their judges seriously though.

Is John Torode an Aussie or Kiwi? I can't tell the difference.

I'm getting Aussie... but with an underlying hint of English but equally a strong flavour of pompus bollocks

 

[Lady Whistledown]

Used to love it but it hasn't been quite up to scratch this series for some reason.

Maybe John & Greg are starting to disappear up their own arses a tiny bit. They constantly crap on about "needs more seasoning"- well as I understand that, that means chuck a load more salt and pepper in. Surely salt is a personal choice, some people like more, some less, and in any case, we're mostly encouraged to eat LESS of the stuff.

So I can't see how they can say something is crap because it doesn't have enough salt for their liking.

Oh, and when they have two similarly placed contestants, I believe they tend to decide which goes through on the basis of who has the largest breasts.

 

[drew]

The show format is that it's a head to head competition. Luck of the draw and all that. Even the best of a crap 3 should go out in the next round anyway. If the best two contestants happen to meet in an early round so be it, make the decision early.

If it's not luck of the draw/performance on the day/head to head then they should score everyone and then put the top scorers though at the end of each stage. It's got to be one way or the other, not buggering around with the format as and when it suits them.

Where does it say that the intention is for head to head contests as opposed to trying to find out who is the best cook. There will only be one winner but it's better they are competing in the latter stages against the best rather than dross who got through purely on the luck of the draw. I very much expect it will change when the quarter finals take place. Not sure this is or ever has been about being a 'cup' competition!!!!

 

[Trufflehound]

I have already given up on this series - it's far too long, too many contestants 136 this year.

To be fair, it's exactly the same length as every year: 6 weeks of heats and QFs, one week of semis, one week of final.

More brilliant examples tonight of Gregg doing his usual and simply reading out the ingrediants in response.

I think the online Radio Times had Gregg's complete lack of culinary judging skills nailed during the last 'the Professionals' series.

For every episode, they introduced the judges as "award-winning 2-starred Michelin top chef Michel Roux jr" and "vegetable expert Gregg Wallace".

Gregg prefers John (or Michel) to taste first, then he can just repeat what they said.

Maybe John & Greg are starting to disappear up their own arses a tiny bit. They constantly crap on about "needs more seasoning"- well as I understand that, that means chuck a load more salt and pepper in. Surely salt is a personal choice, some people like more, some less, and in any case, we're mostly encouraged to eat LESS of the stuff.

That's true, but they have always harped on about bloody seasoning, just like they have always EMPHASIZED just how TOUGH this COMPETITION GETS. It's irritating, but it's nothing new.

What I'm concluding from this series is that you should never serve mash to John Torode. It's always "your sauce just doesn't go with mashed potato", or "this just doesn't belong on a plate with mashed potato". Face it John, you just don't like mash, do you? Get over it!

"It's crying out for sauce" is my new catchphrase.

What I'd love to see when they say that is one of the contestants whip out a bottle of HP, slap it on the table and go: "All right, I get it. Here's your f**king sauce!"

 

[ROSM]

Mr Torode had a stint filling in for James Martin on Satdi Kitchen a couple of years ago and died on his arse (fluffing links, cocking up the cooking etc). At least Mr Wallace doesn't pretend to be a presenter. He's an ex Millwall hoolie who likes to eat food (especially puddings) and say if he likes it or not.

I could do that job (and for the aversion to 'crushed' potatoes, I could transfer that to my loathing of mushrooms). 'This wild truffle is out of place on this plate'.

And another plus point is that they say sauce rather than jus or coulis

 

[bhafc99]

My favourite bits of this series are:

– The fact it says "the contestants have been on their feet for six hours" EVERY chuffing time they leave the professional kitchen. I'm just gagging for one of the fuckers to sit down for five minutes, just to blow that out the water.

– Scallops on black pudding and pea puree. Guaranteed to appear at least four times every show.

– The way John Torode mangles the word "parrrrstuh" whenever faced with a plate of pasta.

 

[Gwylan]

And another plus point is that they say sauce rather than jus or coulis

Sauce, jus and coulis are three different things though.

Jus is a posh way of saying gravy while coulis is a particular kind of sauce, normally made from pureed fruit.

I grant you that anyone (English) who uses jus instead of gravy should have his knackers removed and used for the next batch of jus.

 

[The Large One]

Gregg prefers John (or Michel) to taste first, then he can just repeat what they said.

Exactly the point Matthew Norman was making in that Guardian review.

 

[The Spanish]

I hate those two c unts with every single fibre of my being.

i would spend months learning how to cook really well, apply to go on masterchef, slave away to get on the show, just for the chance of putting some dog shit in my dessert to watch those two horrible vile c unts eat it.

 

[backson]

Oh, and when they have two similarly placed contestants, I believe they tend to decide which goes through on the basis of who has the largest breasts.

You make that sound as if it's a bad thing

 

[MJsGhost]

I hate those two c unts with every single fibre of my being.

i would spend months learning how to cook really well, apply to go on masterchef, slave away to get on the show, just for the chance of putting some dog shit in my dessert to watch those two horrible vile c unts eat it.

Get off the fence! Let us know what you really think of them!

 

[sten_super]

The Mrs watches this but I find the whole thing incredibly boring. I can see that it could be potentially an interesting program, but the two presenters are such dull TARTS.

 

[Tricky Dicky]

At least with Torode, you know he is a good chef and actually knows what he is talking about. Wallace is basically a fat, bald bloke who "wants to be on the telly" - he might know his greens, but that's about it.

 

[Bozza]

One of the few shows I bother to watch - great entertainment on a number of fronts, many of which are already identified above.

Last night we had one of the other MC classics - brave contestant attempts a chocolate fondant and fails when it's not appropriately gooey in the middle. This is a tried and tested suicidal approach.

Do do: scallops with chorizo and/or black pudding and/or peas.
Don't do: chocolate fondant.

 

[wag chaser]

If I see one more person do a Scallop,Black Pudding and minted Pea Puree
dish my tv is going out of the window

 

[JJ McClure]

I'm just amazed that the entire population be they students, doctors, managing directors or new parents all seem to have the same dream of opening a bistro/gastro pub.

 

[binky]

Anyone else think that John Torode looks like Alan Curbishley?

 

[Billy the Fish]

I'm just amazed that the entire population be they students, doctors, managing directors or new parents all seem to have the same dream of opening a bistro/gastro pub.

That does my head in.

If they really want to get into catering or be a chef then go and do a bloody NVQ in cooking and get experience by working in a professional kitchen.

Don't just go and make a twat out of yourself on national telly by showing everyone your amatuer cooking