The Wookiee
Back From The Dead
This bloke walks into the poshest restaurant in town... "Where's
f***ing manager you cock sucking arse wipe?" he politely inquires to
one of the waiters.
The waiter is naturally taken aback and replies, "Excuse me sir but
could you please refrain from using that sort of language in here, I
will get the manager as soon as I can".
"I want to see the ****, and I want to see the **** now!", replies
the man, staring wildly at the waiter. The manager comes over and the
bloke asks, "Are you the f***ing wank stain manager of this tw*t-hole
joint?".
"Yes sir, I am", replies the manager, "but I would prefer it if you
could refrain from speaking such profanities in this, a private and
exclusive restaurant".
"f*** off, quim-face ", replies the bloke "and where's the f***ing piano?"
"Pardon ?" says the manager.
"f***ing deaf as well, are you? You little piece of sniveling shit,
show us your pissing piano or I'll f***ing twat you."
"Ahhhh !" replies the manager, "you've come about the pianist job"
and shows the bloke to the piano.
"Can you play any blues?".
"Of course I can..." and the bloke proceeds to play the most
melancholy blues that the manager has ever heard.
"That's superb. What's it called?"
"I want to f*** your wife on the sofa but the springs keep sticking
in my knob," replies the bloke.
The manager is a bit disturbed and asks if the bloke knows any jazz.
The bloke proceeds, playing the most rhythmically complex jazz solo
the manager has ever heard.
"Magnificent !" cries the manager "What's it called?"
"I tried to wank over the washin' machine but me balls got caught in
the soap drawer".
The manager is a tad embarrassed and asks if he knows any romantic
ballads, The bloke then plays the most heartbreaking melody that
brings a tear to his eye and a lump into his throat.
"Thats beautiful, what's that called ?" asks the manager.
"I like to f*** you under the stars with the moonlight shining off
your hairy ring-piece," replies the bloke.
The manager is highly upset by the bloke's language but his music is
so good he offers him the job on condition that he doesn't introduce
any of his songs or talk to any of the customers.
This arrangement works well for a couple of months until one night
the bloke is playing his piano and sitting opposite him is the most
gorgeous blonde he has ever laid his eyes on. She's wearing an almost
see-through dress, her tits are falling out the top of her tight lace
bra, and the skimpy little 'G' string she's wearing is showing
clearly through the tight material over her gorgeous arse. She is
sitting there with her legs slightly open sucking suggestively on
asparagus shoots and the butter is dripping down her chin!
It's too much for the pianist and he stops playing and runs off to
the bogs to 'wrestle with his bald headed chap'.
He's pulling away furiously when he hears the managers voice:
"Where's that pianist gone?".
He just has time to shoot his bolt and in a fluster he runs back to
the piano, sits down and starts playing some more tunes.
The blonde gets up off her bar-stool and walks seductively over to
the piano, leans over in front of him and whispers in his ear, "Do
you know your knob and bollocks are hanging out your trousers and
dripping cum onto your shoes?".
The bloke replies "Know it? I f***ing wrote it"
f***ing manager you cock sucking arse wipe?" he politely inquires to
one of the waiters.
The waiter is naturally taken aback and replies, "Excuse me sir but
could you please refrain from using that sort of language in here, I
will get the manager as soon as I can".
"I want to see the ****, and I want to see the **** now!", replies
the man, staring wildly at the waiter. The manager comes over and the
bloke asks, "Are you the f***ing wank stain manager of this tw*t-hole
joint?".
"Yes sir, I am", replies the manager, "but I would prefer it if you
could refrain from speaking such profanities in this, a private and
exclusive restaurant".
"f*** off, quim-face ", replies the bloke "and where's the f***ing piano?"
"Pardon ?" says the manager.
"f***ing deaf as well, are you? You little piece of sniveling shit,
show us your pissing piano or I'll f***ing twat you."
"Ahhhh !" replies the manager, "you've come about the pianist job"
and shows the bloke to the piano.
"Can you play any blues?".
"Of course I can..." and the bloke proceeds to play the most
melancholy blues that the manager has ever heard.
"That's superb. What's it called?"
"I want to f*** your wife on the sofa but the springs keep sticking
in my knob," replies the bloke.
The manager is a bit disturbed and asks if the bloke knows any jazz.
The bloke proceeds, playing the most rhythmically complex jazz solo
the manager has ever heard.
"Magnificent !" cries the manager "What's it called?"
"I tried to wank over the washin' machine but me balls got caught in
the soap drawer".
The manager is a tad embarrassed and asks if he knows any romantic
ballads, The bloke then plays the most heartbreaking melody that
brings a tear to his eye and a lump into his throat.
"Thats beautiful, what's that called ?" asks the manager.
"I like to f*** you under the stars with the moonlight shining off
your hairy ring-piece," replies the bloke.
The manager is highly upset by the bloke's language but his music is
so good he offers him the job on condition that he doesn't introduce
any of his songs or talk to any of the customers.
This arrangement works well for a couple of months until one night
the bloke is playing his piano and sitting opposite him is the most
gorgeous blonde he has ever laid his eyes on. She's wearing an almost
see-through dress, her tits are falling out the top of her tight lace
bra, and the skimpy little 'G' string she's wearing is showing
clearly through the tight material over her gorgeous arse. She is
sitting there with her legs slightly open sucking suggestively on
asparagus shoots and the butter is dripping down her chin!
It's too much for the pianist and he stops playing and runs off to
the bogs to 'wrestle with his bald headed chap'.
He's pulling away furiously when he hears the managers voice:
"Where's that pianist gone?".
He just has time to shoot his bolt and in a fluster he runs back to
the piano, sits down and starts playing some more tunes.
The blonde gets up off her bar-stool and walks seductively over to
the piano, leans over in front of him and whispers in his ear, "Do
you know your knob and bollocks are hanging out your trousers and
dripping cum onto your shoes?".
The bloke replies "Know it? I f***ing wrote it"
