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Joke Time as we wait for next big news
- Thread starter rocker959
- Start date
Two cows in a field. One says: "Moo". The other says: "That's just what I was about to say!".
Two sausages in a pan. One says: "Hello, what's your name?". The other says: "Oh my god! A talking sausage!".
Two fish in a tank. One says: "How the hell do you drive this thing?".
Two budgies sitting on a perch. One says: "Can you smell fish?".
Two sausages in a pan. One says: "Hello, what's your name?". The other says: "Oh my god! A talking sausage!".
Two fish in a tank. One says: "How the hell do you drive this thing?".
Two budgies sitting on a perch. One says: "Can you smell fish?".
I love these two! brilliant.
dingodan
New member
- Feb 16, 2011
- 10,080
A* senior citizen drove his brand new BMW Z4 convertible out of the car salesroom.
Taking off down the motorway, he floored it to 100mph, enjoying the wind blowing through what little hair he had left.
"Amazing!" he thought as he flew down the M1, enjoying pushing the pedal to the metal even more. Looking in his rear view mirror, he saw a police car behind him, blue lights flashing and siren blaring. "I can get away from him - no problem!" thought the elderly nutcase as he floored it to 120 mph, then 140 then 160 mph.
Suddenly, he thought, "What on earth am I doing? I'm too old for this nonsense!" So he pulled over to the side of the road and waited for the police car to catch up with him.
Pulling in behind him, the police officer walked up to the driver's side of the BMW, looked at his watch and said, "Sir, my shift ends in 10 minutes. Today is Friday and I'm taking off for the weekend. If you can give me a reason why you were speeding that I've never heard before, I'll let you go.."
The old man, looked very seriously at the policeman, and replied, "Years ago, my wife ran off with a policeman. I thought you were bringing her back.
""Have a good day, Sir", said the policeman.*
Taking off down the motorway, he floored it to 100mph, enjoying the wind blowing through what little hair he had left.
"Amazing!" he thought as he flew down the M1, enjoying pushing the pedal to the metal even more. Looking in his rear view mirror, he saw a police car behind him, blue lights flashing and siren blaring. "I can get away from him - no problem!" thought the elderly nutcase as he floored it to 120 mph, then 140 then 160 mph.
Suddenly, he thought, "What on earth am I doing? I'm too old for this nonsense!" So he pulled over to the side of the road and waited for the police car to catch up with him.
Pulling in behind him, the police officer walked up to the driver's side of the BMW, looked at his watch and said, "Sir, my shift ends in 10 minutes. Today is Friday and I'm taking off for the weekend. If you can give me a reason why you were speeding that I've never heard before, I'll let you go.."
The old man, looked very seriously at the policeman, and replied, "Years ago, my wife ran off with a policeman. I thought you were bringing her back.
""Have a good day, Sir", said the policeman.*
User removed 4
New member
My Wife being unhappy with my mood swings , bought me one of those mood rings so she could monitor my mood, we discovered that when i am in a good mood it turns green, and when i am in a bad mood , it leaves a big red mark on her forehead !
sydney
tinky ****in winky
Art Vs Science
Banned
- Sep 1, 2010
- 6,419
I have been in hospital this morning having a Mole removed from my penis, the RSPCA said they will just give me a warning this time
Last edited:
West Upper Seagull
Well-known member
Bloke goes up to a girl in a night club and says "got a light love ?"
"Yes !" the girl replies
"Good, switch it on the next time you are getting ready cos you look f***in awful" !!!!!!
"Yes !" the girl replies
"Good, switch it on the next time you are getting ready cos you look f***in awful" !!!!!!
brakespear
Doctor Worm
best
driller
my life my word
A mysterious individual keeps adding soil to my allotment each day...The plot thickens.
driller
my life my word
Kevin Nolan is having a medical at West Ham.
Presumably he's getting his head examined.
Presumably he's getting his head examined.
fork me
I have changed this
A checkout girl at Sainsbury's was telling the new trainee how she can tell a lot about a person by what they buy. Just after she said this a young man came through the checkout.
He had one tin of beans, one tin of soup, one pint of milk and a small pack of butter. She said "You're single aren't you?"
He said "Yes, I am, how did you know?"
"You're an ugly c***!"
He had one tin of beans, one tin of soup, one pint of milk and a small pack of butter. She said "You're single aren't you?"
He said "Yes, I am, how did you know?"
"You're an ugly c***!"
nomoremithras4me
Active member
- Apr 7, 2011
- 2,348
I was waiting for the old women to do her hair last night, before going out. First she put a plait in it, then a bob, then the straighteners came out. I said f*** me, cant you have a brazillion like every one else?
chucky1973
New member
that tickled me
GoldWithFalmer
Seaweed! Seaweed!
2 Tampax walking down the street-which 1 waves
World of Sport
Well-known member
I was in a night club when i saw a big fat bird at the bar,
'excuse me love' i said 'do you fancy a dance?',
'yes please!' she said,
'well f*** off then, me and my mates want to buy a drink'.
'excuse me love' i said 'do you fancy a dance?',
'yes please!' she said,
'well f*** off then, me and my mates want to buy a drink'.