Joke du jour

[Postman Pat]

As it's Friday and no one else has:

I bumped into an old mate today.
He said, "What you up to these days?"
I said, "I prepare meals for the homeless, druggies, piss heads and down 'n' outs."
He said, "So you work in a charity drop in centre?"
I said, "No, I'm a chef in Wetherspoons."

 

[Norman Potting]

Worth a but not quite a

 

[Chris_Highwind]

Did you hear about the red ship and the blue ship that collided?
Both crews were marooned.
Thanks, I'll be here all night!

 

[Amahwrang]

I used to be a florist but i had to give it up
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I couldn't see a fuschia in it!

 

[Tiptop24]

Why cant Blind people skydive?
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Because it scares the dog.

 

[super-seagulls]

What happened when Jesus went to mount Olive?


Popeye kicked the shit out of him!

 

[Gazwag]

Why cant Blind people skydive?
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Because it scares the dog.

I'd also be worried about the white stick piercing the parachute

 

[Codner pharmaceuticals]

Went to the zoo yesterday. Only had a dog there.






It was a shitsu.

 

[spongy]

I used to work in a mirror factory, it was something I could always see myself doing....

 

[Hove Seagull]

What is the difference between a lost golf ball and a shit jockey?


One is a hunt on a course!

 

[chucky1973]

An old fav and worth another mention

A man goes into a supermarket and asks the assistance if they sell Stock, she says "Yes sir, we do 4 flavours, Beef, Lamb, Chicken and Crystal Palarse" Crystal Palarse he replied "yes" said the Assistance "they are the laughing Stock"........

Oh how I still Laugh..........

 

[Acker79]

The barman says 'Sorry sir, we don't serve time travellers'


A time traveller walks into a bar...

 

[Nathan]

The barman says 'Sorry sir, we don't serve time travellers'


A time traveller walks into a bar...

Is the time traveller under age then?

Or just didn't have any ID on him/her?

 

[Acker79]

Is the time traveller under age then?

Or just didn't have any ID on him/her?

No, just old fashioned bigotry. Like the diners in 50s america that refused to serve black men.

 

[Lindfield by the Pond]

How do you turn a duck into a Legendary Soul and Blues singer?
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Put it into a microwave, and wait until it's Bill Withers