otk
~(.)(.)~
A geek is sitting forlornly in a bar, eyeing up the women that he knows won’t give him a second look. Skinny, covered in acne and wearing NHS specs, he fears he will never lose his cherry, and tells himself another WKD will give him enough Dutch courage to chat up a lady
He notices a stunning woman, in her mid-thirties, sitting alone further along the bar. He has to do a double take, as he was sure she smiled at him. No, it was a mistake he tells himself, but no, she was definitely smiling in his direction
He looks over his shoulder, to see if it was meant for someone behind him, but there was no-one there. It must be a dream he tells himself, but is totally shocked to see her head over in his direction. She asks if the stool next to him is taken, and he mumbles it isn’t
She says she has been looking at him for a while, and didn’t want to make a move too soon, as she expected a beautiful wife to appear at any minute. The chap says there is no beautiful wife, and he is a singleton. The lady says she is surprised, and it must be her lucky day
She says she is recently single, and starting to go out into the dating scene, hopefully to find a soul-mate. He says he has been single ‘for a while’, and is ‘dipping his toe in the water.’ They get chatting, and he can’t believe his luck
She tells him she has two young kids, is a ‘work from home’ mother, and is a whizz in the kitchen. They have a few drinks, and she says she has to go, as the babysitter has to get home. She writes her mobile number on the back of his hand in lipstick, then leaves him gobsmacked with a peck on the cheek
He goes home feeling more elated than he ever had in his life. He told himself not to look too keen, and decided not to text for three days. He was even more surprised when she answered his text, and invited him over hers for Sunday lunch. She said the kids were due back at four from their dad’s, and he would have to scarper before they arrived
Come the Sunday, he put on his cleanest cardigan, and a liberal smattering of Lynx, and headed off for his lunch date. She answered his knock at the door of a swish house, in the upmarket part of town, and beckoned him in. She cracked open a bottle of bubbly, and they got comfy
He could still not believe his luck at meeting this vision of a woman, and the meal she served up was something out of a Michelin starred eaterie. He wondered what the rest of the afternoon held in store, and if he would finally pop his cherry
The drink was having an effect on both of them, and as they sat on the sofa after the meal, she asked if he would dance with her. He couldn’t refuse, and she went over to the hi-fi to select some music. As the opening strains of Rita Coolidge singing ‘We’re all alone’ came from the Tannoys’, they got together on the Berber, and did the ‘round and round’ dance, in a clinch
Not being used to being this close to a woman, it was having an effect on him in the trouser region. She sensed this, and led him slowly up the stairs and into a bedroom. She stripped him down to his Y-fronts, and popped him on the bed, leaning on a few pillows. She said as it was his first time, she would blindfold him, then put on all her best lingerie and surprise him
He was getting a bit chilly just in his pants and blindfold, and his bony body started to shiver, but the excitement of thinking his days as a virgin were nearly over stiffened his resolve. He could hear rustling, and assumed it was the sound of satin undies
She asked if he was ready, and almost salivating, he said he was. She told him to take off his blindfold, which he did, to see before him…
The woman, fully clothed, and a boy and a girl, aged about eight and seven, obviously her kids
The woman pointed to the geek propped up on the bed in just his underpants, and said to the kids…
‘THIS is what you will look like if you don’t eat your greens…’
He notices a stunning woman, in her mid-thirties, sitting alone further along the bar. He has to do a double take, as he was sure she smiled at him. No, it was a mistake he tells himself, but no, she was definitely smiling in his direction
He looks over his shoulder, to see if it was meant for someone behind him, but there was no-one there. It must be a dream he tells himself, but is totally shocked to see her head over in his direction. She asks if the stool next to him is taken, and he mumbles it isn’t
She says she has been looking at him for a while, and didn’t want to make a move too soon, as she expected a beautiful wife to appear at any minute. The chap says there is no beautiful wife, and he is a singleton. The lady says she is surprised, and it must be her lucky day
She says she is recently single, and starting to go out into the dating scene, hopefully to find a soul-mate. He says he has been single ‘for a while’, and is ‘dipping his toe in the water.’ They get chatting, and he can’t believe his luck
She tells him she has two young kids, is a ‘work from home’ mother, and is a whizz in the kitchen. They have a few drinks, and she says she has to go, as the babysitter has to get home. She writes her mobile number on the back of his hand in lipstick, then leaves him gobsmacked with a peck on the cheek
He goes home feeling more elated than he ever had in his life. He told himself not to look too keen, and decided not to text for three days. He was even more surprised when she answered his text, and invited him over hers for Sunday lunch. She said the kids were due back at four from their dad’s, and he would have to scarper before they arrived
Come the Sunday, he put on his cleanest cardigan, and a liberal smattering of Lynx, and headed off for his lunch date. She answered his knock at the door of a swish house, in the upmarket part of town, and beckoned him in. She cracked open a bottle of bubbly, and they got comfy
He could still not believe his luck at meeting this vision of a woman, and the meal she served up was something out of a Michelin starred eaterie. He wondered what the rest of the afternoon held in store, and if he would finally pop his cherry
The drink was having an effect on both of them, and as they sat on the sofa after the meal, she asked if he would dance with her. He couldn’t refuse, and she went over to the hi-fi to select some music. As the opening strains of Rita Coolidge singing ‘We’re all alone’ came from the Tannoys’, they got together on the Berber, and did the ‘round and round’ dance, in a clinch
Not being used to being this close to a woman, it was having an effect on him in the trouser region. She sensed this, and led him slowly up the stairs and into a bedroom. She stripped him down to his Y-fronts, and popped him on the bed, leaning on a few pillows. She said as it was his first time, she would blindfold him, then put on all her best lingerie and surprise him
He was getting a bit chilly just in his pants and blindfold, and his bony body started to shiver, but the excitement of thinking his days as a virgin were nearly over stiffened his resolve. He could hear rustling, and assumed it was the sound of satin undies
She asked if he was ready, and almost salivating, he said he was. She told him to take off his blindfold, which he did, to see before him…
The woman, fully clothed, and a boy and a girl, aged about eight and seven, obviously her kids
The woman pointed to the geek propped up on the bed in just his underpants, and said to the kids…
‘THIS is what you will look like if you don’t eat your greens…’
