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I've Never Met a Nice South African
- Thread starter Robot Chicken
- Start date
Tom Hark Preston Park
Will Post For Cash
- Jul 6, 2003
- 71,896
It's funny cos it's true 
(altogether now)
I've travelled this old world of ours from Barnsley to Peru
I've had sunshine in the arctic and a swim in Tinbuktu
I've seen unicorns in Burma and a Yetti in Nepal
And I've danced with ten foot pygmies in a Montezuma hall
I've met the King of China and a working Yorkshire miner
But I've never met a nice South African.
No he's never met a nice South African
And that's not bloody surprising man
'Cause we're a bunch of arrogant b***tards
Who hate black people
I once got served in Woolies aften less than four week's wait
I had lunch with Rowan Atkinson when he paid and wasn't late
I know a public swimming bath where they don't piss in the pool
I know a guy who got a job straight after leaving school
I've met a normal merman and a fairly modest German
But I've never met a nice South African.
No he's never met a nice South African
And that's not bloody surprising man
'Cause we're a bunch of talentless murderers
Who smell like baboons
I've had a close encounter of the twenty-second kind
That's when an alien spaceship disappears up your behind
I got directory enquiries after less than forty rings
I've even heard a decent song by Paul McCartney's Wings
I've seen a flying pig in a quite convincing wig
But I've never met a nice South African.
No he's never met a nice South African
And that's not bloody surprising man
'Cause we're a bunch of ignorant loudmouths
With no sense of humour - ha ha
I've met the Loch Ness monster and he looks like Fred Astaire
At the BBC in London he's the chief commissionaire
I know a place in Glasgow which is rife with daffodillies
I met a man in Katmandu who claimed to have two willies
I've had a nice pot noodle but I've never had a poodle
And I've never met a nice South African.
No he's never met a nice South African
And that's not bloody surprising man
Because we've never met one either
Except for Breyten Breytenbach and he's emigrated to Paris. (farts)
Yes he's quite a nice South African
And he's hardly ever killed anyone
And he's not smelly at all.
That's why they put him prison.
(altogether now)
I've travelled this old world of ours from Barnsley to Peru
I've had sunshine in the arctic and a swim in Tinbuktu
I've seen unicorns in Burma and a Yetti in Nepal
And I've danced with ten foot pygmies in a Montezuma hall
I've met the King of China and a working Yorkshire miner
But I've never met a nice South African.
No he's never met a nice South African
And that's not bloody surprising man
'Cause we're a bunch of arrogant b***tards
Who hate black people
I once got served in Woolies aften less than four week's wait
I had lunch with Rowan Atkinson when he paid and wasn't late
I know a public swimming bath where they don't piss in the pool
I know a guy who got a job straight after leaving school
I've met a normal merman and a fairly modest German
But I've never met a nice South African.
No he's never met a nice South African
And that's not bloody surprising man
'Cause we're a bunch of talentless murderers
Who smell like baboons
I've had a close encounter of the twenty-second kind
That's when an alien spaceship disappears up your behind
I got directory enquiries after less than forty rings
I've even heard a decent song by Paul McCartney's Wings
I've seen a flying pig in a quite convincing wig
But I've never met a nice South African.
No he's never met a nice South African
And that's not bloody surprising man
'Cause we're a bunch of ignorant loudmouths
With no sense of humour - ha ha
I've met the Loch Ness monster and he looks like Fred Astaire
At the BBC in London he's the chief commissionaire
I know a place in Glasgow which is rife with daffodillies
I met a man in Katmandu who claimed to have two willies
I've had a nice pot noodle but I've never had a poodle
And I've never met a nice South African.
No he's never met a nice South African
And that's not bloody surprising man
Because we've never met one either
Except for Breyten Breytenbach and he's emigrated to Paris. (farts)
Yes he's quite a nice South African
And he's hardly ever killed anyone
And he's not smelly at all.
That's why they put him prison.
Last edited:
Publius Ovidius
Well-known member
Tom Hark said:It's funny cos it's true
tsk tsk
some of my best friends are South African.
I showed that SI video to a couple of my mates and they thought it was very funny.
Tubby Mondays
Well-known member
Tom Hark said:It's funny cos it's true
(altogether now)
I've travelled this old world of ours from Barnsley to Peru
I've had sunshine in the arctic and a swim in Tinbuktu
I've seen unicorns in Burma and a Yetti in Nepal
And I've danced with ten foot pygmies in a Montezuma hall
I've met the King of China and a working Yorkshire miner
But I've never met a nice South African.
No he's never met a nice South African
And that's not bloody surprising man
'Cause we're a bunch of arrogant b***tards
Who hate black people
I once got served in Woolies aften less than four week's wait
I had lunch with Rowan Atkinson when he paid and wasn't late
I know a public swimming bath where they don't piss in the pool
I know a guy who got a job straight after leaving school
I've met a normal merman and a fairly modest German
But I've never met a nice South African.
No he's never met a nice South African
And that's not bloody surprising man
'Cause we're a bunch of talentless murderers
Who smell like baboons
I've had a close encounter of the twenty-second kind
That's when an alien spaceship disappears up your behind
I got directory enquiries after less than forty rings
I've even heard a decent song by Paul McCartney's Wings
I've seen a flying pig in a quite convincing wig
But I've never met a nice South African.
No he's never met a nice South African
And that's not bloody surprising man
'Cause we're a bunch of ignorant loudmouths
With no sense of humour - ha ha
I've met the Loch Ness monster and he looks like Fred Astaire
At the BBC in London he's the chief commissionaire
I know a place in Glasgow which is rife with daffodillies
I met a man in Katmandu who claimed to have two willies
I've had a nice pot noodle but I've never had a poodle
And I've never met a nice South African.
No he's never met a nice South African
And that's not bloody surprising man
Because we've never met one either
Except for Breyten Breytenbach and he's emigrated to Paris. (farts)
Yes he's quite a nice South African
And he's hardly ever killed anyone
And he's not smelly at all.
That's why they put him prison.
Tubby Mondays
Well-known member
Sorry, should have been:
Tom Hark said:
tedebear
Legal Alien
I've worked with loads of South Africans - a couple who were the nicest people ever, and a load who were utter utter barstewards!!
This made me laugh loudly!! :
I've had a close encounter of the twenty-second kind
That's when an alien spaceship disappears up your behind
This made me laugh loudly!! :
I've had a close encounter of the twenty-second kind
That's when an alien spaceship disappears up your behind
Stinkers Bridge
New member
I only had the 'privilage' to meet a very small number of South Africans and I can confirm that they are, on the whole, a complete bunch of cocks.
Tubby Mondays
Well-known member
Alan Partridge had a tough time with one as well once.
Tom Hark Preston Park
Will Post For Cash
- Jul 6, 2003
- 71,896
Not forgetting from The Fast Show...
No offence
No offence
Yarpie Fuckers!!!
That is all...
That is all...
The Clown of Pevensey Bay
Well-known member
Well my parents and grandparents have been nice to me for most of my life. But you're right: that accent makes it terribly difficult to appear like you're being nice to anyone.
No wonder my parents swiftly adopted standard southern English accents when they moved here in the late 70s...
No wonder my parents swiftly adopted standard southern English accents when they moved here in the late 70s...
Tooting Gull
Well-known member
- Jul 5, 2003
- 11,033
Sorry, had to bounce this thread after my train journey to work today.
I was sitting opposite two elderly women, and one of them WAS that 'No offence' harpie out of the Fast Show.
This great, loud, wildebeest of a South African matriarch just wouldn't shut up, and would have been annoying enough just for the volume.
But then, discussing her son in a packed a carriage, she came with this:
“Of course, I don't think he will end up marrying an English girl, they're not right for him. The ones with ambition and brains don't want to have babies, and the ones with no brains are all a bit sluttish to be honest. No, it will have to be a foreign girl."
At this point I caught the eye of the (English) girl opposite me, we both could hardly stop laughing. She was 30ish (and so by the new definition, either a baby-hater or a slapper).
Next up - what a great catch the son was.
“He takes great pride in his physical appearance. Eats mostly vegetables, and some chicken and tuna. He's always down the gym.“
Everyone was thinking the same thing. All that was missing were references to scatter cushions and Judy Garland records. But despite the fact she'd offended half the train, no one spoke...
I was sitting opposite two elderly women, and one of them WAS that 'No offence' harpie out of the Fast Show.
This great, loud, wildebeest of a South African matriarch just wouldn't shut up, and would have been annoying enough just for the volume.
But then, discussing her son in a packed a carriage, she came with this:
“Of course, I don't think he will end up marrying an English girl, they're not right for him. The ones with ambition and brains don't want to have babies, and the ones with no brains are all a bit sluttish to be honest. No, it will have to be a foreign girl."
At this point I caught the eye of the (English) girl opposite me, we both could hardly stop laughing. She was 30ish (and so by the new definition, either a baby-hater or a slapper).
Next up - what a great catch the son was.
“He takes great pride in his physical appearance. Eats mostly vegetables, and some chicken and tuna. He's always down the gym.“
Everyone was thinking the same thing. All that was missing were references to scatter cushions and Judy Garland records. But despite the fact she'd offended half the train, no one spoke...
MikeySmall
Well-known member
afrikaans are unpleasant - the european south africans are generally quite nice
Dandyman
In London village.
Tom Hark Preston Park
Will Post For Cash
- Jul 6, 2003
- 71,896
Dandyman said:
Samuel L Jackson isn't South African
Dandyman
In London village.
Tom Hark said:Samuel L Jackson isn't South African
You mean it's not Lenny Henry ?
Franks Wild Years
New member
Just got back from pretoria and out of the 16 or so Africaans I met 15 of them were rude, obnoxios and arrogant (sp). The other one was a nice bloke.
Out of the 30 or so Africans I met, most were very friendly, but some were very scary. I came back very depressed about the shit that these people have to go through just to exist.
Out of the 30 or so Africans I met, most were very friendly, but some were very scary. I came back very depressed about the shit that these people have to go through just to exist.
Dandyman
In London village.
Franks Wild Years said:
They now also have large numbers of other Africans coming into SA to escape the poverty and violence in other parts of the continent. La lutta continua.
Tom Hark Preston Park
Will Post For Cash
- Jul 6, 2003
- 71,896
Dandyman said:
Anybody would think they OWNED the place...