I've got a Croydon pikey coming round on Saturday. How do I make him feel 'at home'?

[The Peanut Roaster]

Got a poker night on Saturday, and I've decided to invite a Croydon pikey round to join us.

Because I'm such a thoughtfull host, I'd like to make him feel at home.

I thought I might start with chaining a couple of rottweillers by the front door, and maybe getting some kids from the local orphanage to run around around in dirty nappies.

Any other ideas to make him feel welcome?

 

[Cantona's Flying Dropkick]

move game in to caravan parked on your drive

 

[Gerbil]

We had one round on Saturday

 

[deletebeepbeepbeep]

Bath, mattress and broken telly in your front garden

 

[sam86]

Where's my invite?

 

[seagullsovergrimsby]

get the cans of Stella in.

 

[The Peanut Roaster]

Where's my invite?

Normally Slicker comes round, but he was busy.

Sorry Sam, didn't think mate.

Next time I'll invite you when the Slicker comes.

 

[Helen Chamberlains Quim]

Treat him to BBQ squirrel (although hedgepig might be seasonal) and he might get his slaaaaaaaaaaaag of a 'wife' to return the courtesy whilst robbing your safe behind the authentic Welsh dresser.

Do ya lak dags?

HCQ

 

[driller]

ask to f*** his sister

 

[The Peanut Roaster]

Treat him to BBQ squirrel (although hedgepig might be seasonal) and he might get his slaaaaaaaaaaaag of a 'wife' to return the courtesy whilst robbing your safe behind the authentic Welsh dresser.

Do ya lak dags?

HCQ

Ah yes, the nibbles...........

 

[philsussex]

Rusty transit on the driveway complete with towbar.

Do 'posh pikey' by having vases of lucky heather in your house.

 

[The Peanut Roaster]

ask to f*** his sister

Preconditional.

 

[tedebear]

Put your car up on axle stands on the drive and remove the wheels (putting them safely away somewhere) he won't bother knicking them then as they'll already be gone, will make him feel at home too...

 

[R. Slicker]

Normally Slicker comes round, but he was busy.

Sorry Sam, didn't think mate.

Next time I'll invite you when the Slicker comes.

looking forward to next time already

 

[steward 433]

Gallon of petrol and a box of matches??

 

[Martinf]

How about this? Change the card game to a different venue but don't tell him. Then wire the whole house with TNT so that when your 'guest' presses the doorbell the fecker gets obliterated.




If that seems a tad over the top, just don't answer the door when he comes round. Believe me, if you don't want to have to fumigate your lovely dwelling, then dont let him in.

 

[Surrey Seagull]

Buy a rusty old moped (less tyres the better) and half bury it in your front garden.

 

[The Brighton Bear]

Paint the number of your house on the outside wall in white paint.

 

[Icy Gull]

Probably a bit late for this time, but next time let the grass in your garden go uncut for 6 months.

 

[Chester Drawers]

Buy a rusty old moped (less tyres the better) and half bury it in your front garden.

Or lean it against a fridge