Is suicide the only option?

[Franks Wild Years]

Start scratching yourself as if you have a contagious skin condition, that should keep her away.
Buy yourself a pretend hearing aid, that should stop her talking to you.

Hope this helps. Good luck.

 

[British Bulldog]

This has been said but there is no way I would stir that messy porridge.

Sometimes a man has to do what a man has has to do Les. I reckon just when you get her to the point of an orgasm would be a good time to ask for a pay rise!

 

[Meade's Ball]

Wouldn't recommend it mate, much better to look for work from a position of strength.

True. The following desperation amidst late decision-making leaves one in a possible unwanted, asexual poohole.

You, i think, can hand over a moth's notice. She won't like that.

 

[Basil Fawlty]

I think she needs a good f***ing.

 

[The Large One]

Jesus Christ my boss is driving me mental. It is just me and her in the office and she spends all day moaning and going off on one about everything, clients, collegues, her life....

What the f*** should I do beyond murdering her and claiming it was a mercy killing.

Is she a sort or a moose - pictures?

Why don't you try and top it by going into ubermoan mode yourself. Try and outdo her moaning. Tell her you're feeling unwell, tell her your cock fell off, tell her you support Brighton. Better still tell her to SHUT THE f*** UP.

Where do you work? Is it a place where custmers can come in? If so, let me know, and I will start moaning too. I'm really good at that, me.

 

[Captain Pugwash]

nice of you to put yourself forward kev, go get her tiger

 

[Bad Ash]

I think she needs a good f***ing.

She's not the only one, hey Kev

 

[Rangdo]

Jesus Christ my boss is driving me mental. It is just me and her in the office and she spends all day moaning and going off on one about everything, clients, collegues, her life....

What the f*** should I do beyond murdering her and claiming it was a mercy killing.

Sounds like she's in desperate need of a good shag to me. Get to it.

 

[NMH]

Good god if you saw her you really wouldn't say thngs like that. She always pokes me and pulls on my arm. She has a habit of invading your body space and I can feel her huge pendulous 60 year old breasts resting on my shoulder

She is sexually frustrated. You MUST shag her - and shag her rotten. If you just tried a sympathetic approach, she would merely look to you for a good hard rogering.
If you don't, she will get worse, and if someone else does it, she will not respect you then either.
Shag or get off the pot.

 

[NMH]

This has been said but there is no way I would stir that messy porridge.

Oh. Ok, I see my suggestion has been well covered - I didn't read the whole thread.


Your other option/s;
You have to make her think that, no matter how awful she thinks she has it, you or other people have it worse. Start telling her some terrible mis-haps and sad things about yourself, how you are single, lonely, your pet died, you are completely impotent (so she won't try sympathy shagging you!), have only a limited time to live, was adopted by sadists, have a rare clinical depression which makes you constatly on the verge of suicide (and have the Samaritans call the office to talk with you).

Outside of that, this episode may simply be a sign that you should make a change, and move on.

 

[Man of Harveys]

If you don't want to shag her (and from your description, that sounds fair enough) why not buy her a DILDO?

 

[Captain Pugwash]

MoH speaks sense.

personally i would just ignore her and let her get on with it.

or chuck your tea over her

 

[tedebear]

I'd tell her that you have a rancid discharge from your penis which you are in the process of sorting, so you must apologise for the continual scratching but its just the signs of healing, also that you've made an effort to carry antibacterial hand wash - so hopefully everything you touch or breath on won't be affected...

Should get her to stand back a bit at least...

 

[tedebear]

BREATHE on?? Are you saying Les' rancid penis has been in his MOUTH?

The yoga lessons have been coming along nicely for him!

 

[pasty]

When people are being shitty to me in the office, I retaliate by being incredibly over the top nice back to them. It generally totally freaks them out and they soon either reciprocate, or bugger off entirely. Give it a shot - be nice.

 

[NMH]

I say, give it a shot and let fly a really rancid fart. In fact, eat lots of eggs, beans and prunes the night before :thud:

 

[British Bulldog]

I say, give it a shot and let fly a really rancid fart. In fact, eat lots of eggs, beans and prunes the night before :thud:

After eating that lot I'd be too scared to fart for fear of a follow through!

 

[Uncle Spielberg]

I think you need to do the decent thing and go for the french kissing first , then a chew on the prawn and then go for a mixture of anal and vaginal sex and then a cuddle before falling asleep in her arms. You know it makes sense.