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Interesting view from Crewe - YAH BOO!
- Thread starter Eddie the Seagull
- Start date
- Jul 7, 2003
- 47,499
Who?
Crewe Alexandra. Located in a grim northern-monkey industrial hovel, a small suburb of Stoke on Trent. Crewe is known for one thing, and put it this way, it's not the football team...railway geeks in Berghaus gore-tex kagouls are the most visible sign of life, apart from Friday nights, when youths fuelled by Bacardi Breezers and White Lightning partake in their favoured slum-dwellers sport of train surfing.
How did last season go then?
Crewe stayed up, which counts as an achievement for a side that wouldn't even be in the Football League if the secretary-humping old tie wearers of the FA hadn't felt sorry for the non-league set up some time in the middle of the 20th Century and decided to allow them in. Ever since they realised they would never ever have support numbering more than 5000, and that nobody cares about then whatsoever, they've been up the creek without a paddle. Building a shiny new stand in an attempt to make Gresty Road appear slightly bigger than a Ryman League Division 4 stadium means they have to rely on selling players and whining on incessantly about their legendary talent production line, which includes such football geniuses as Geoff Thomas, Robbie Savage and the always-great-value-for-money Seth Johnson. The world thanks you for each of them, Crewe. With such an embarrassing history, its no wonder that they're shite, and must be delighted that 70s impersonator Dario Gradi is keeping them up with a squad of...oh crap, I have no idea who any of their players are, apart from the world's most humourously named man, Kenny Lunt.
Do we like them? Do they like us? Do we care?
Frankly, nobody cares about Crewe. Much as they attempt to generate some kind of weak rivalry with Stoke City, it must be said, this is a decidedly one-way affair, with the Alex being about as relevant to Potters fans as a copy of the Koran at the Pope's Easter prayers. As with occupants of most northern nothing towns, they do tend to display extra large sized chips on their shoulders regarding anyone considered vaguely "southern", including the likes of Wolverhampton, Coventry and Derby.
Any famous fans then?
Are you joking?
Have they been up to much in the summer?
Crewe have notably signed League 2's fatter version of Craig Bellamy, Luke Rodgers from Shrewsbury Town. All the attitude and ten times the pies! The word on the street suggests they may now have run out of money and thus be about to revert to the old form of reminding the world that they are a production-line-of-talent-don't-you-know-and-we-produced-Geoff-Thomas-Robbie-Savage-and-Seth-Johnson-actually-so-we're-the-saviours-of-English-football-in-fact.
So, how will next season pan out?
Relegation is invitable, trust me. Seeing as they only managed to finish level with the likes of Brighton & Hove Albion last year, despite hammering them twice, the future isn't looking bright. They are, like several clubs, praying that someone other than them will be this year's Rotherham. When your past year's activity involves selling your only player, Ashton, to Norwich, and then going into spectacularly hilarious freefall, there's no other logical conclusion than to expect them to be propping the table up come June. Unlucky Crewe, your time is up.
Crewe Alexandra. Located in a grim northern-monkey industrial hovel, a small suburb of Stoke on Trent. Crewe is known for one thing, and put it this way, it's not the football team...railway geeks in Berghaus gore-tex kagouls are the most visible sign of life, apart from Friday nights, when youths fuelled by Bacardi Breezers and White Lightning partake in their favoured slum-dwellers sport of train surfing.
How did last season go then?
Crewe stayed up, which counts as an achievement for a side that wouldn't even be in the Football League if the secretary-humping old tie wearers of the FA hadn't felt sorry for the non-league set up some time in the middle of the 20th Century and decided to allow them in. Ever since they realised they would never ever have support numbering more than 5000, and that nobody cares about then whatsoever, they've been up the creek without a paddle. Building a shiny new stand in an attempt to make Gresty Road appear slightly bigger than a Ryman League Division 4 stadium means they have to rely on selling players and whining on incessantly about their legendary talent production line, which includes such football geniuses as Geoff Thomas, Robbie Savage and the always-great-value-for-money Seth Johnson. The world thanks you for each of them, Crewe. With such an embarrassing history, its no wonder that they're shite, and must be delighted that 70s impersonator Dario Gradi is keeping them up with a squad of...oh crap, I have no idea who any of their players are, apart from the world's most humourously named man, Kenny Lunt.
Do we like them? Do they like us? Do we care?
Frankly, nobody cares about Crewe. Much as they attempt to generate some kind of weak rivalry with Stoke City, it must be said, this is a decidedly one-way affair, with the Alex being about as relevant to Potters fans as a copy of the Koran at the Pope's Easter prayers. As with occupants of most northern nothing towns, they do tend to display extra large sized chips on their shoulders regarding anyone considered vaguely "southern", including the likes of Wolverhampton, Coventry and Derby.
Any famous fans then?
Are you joking?
Have they been up to much in the summer?
Crewe have notably signed League 2's fatter version of Craig Bellamy, Luke Rodgers from Shrewsbury Town. All the attitude and ten times the pies! The word on the street suggests they may now have run out of money and thus be about to revert to the old form of reminding the world that they are a production-line-of-talent-don't-you-know-and-we-produced-Geoff-Thomas-Robbie-Savage-and-Seth-Johnson-actually-so-we're-the-saviours-of-English-football-in-fact.
So, how will next season pan out?
Relegation is invitable, trust me. Seeing as they only managed to finish level with the likes of Brighton & Hove Albion last year, despite hammering them twice, the future isn't looking bright. They are, like several clubs, praying that someone other than them will be this year's Rotherham. When your past year's activity involves selling your only player, Ashton, to Norwich, and then going into spectacularly hilarious freefall, there's no other logical conclusion than to expect them to be propping the table up come June. Unlucky Crewe, your time is up.
Withdean Wanderer
Banned
Basil Fawlty
Don't Mention The War
, that is a complete piss take. 
Loft23
New member
Nice one, just got to get him to read it.
- Jul 7, 2003
- 47,499
Although I was secretly quite pleased when Crewe stayed up with us, better than Gillingham or Forest.
Good for football to have smaller clubs mixing it with the rest. Keeps the likes of West Ham on their toes to have to "slum it" at Gresty Road and Millmoor (and Withdean).
Good for football to have smaller clubs mixing it with the rest. Keeps the likes of West Ham on their toes to have to "slum it" at Gresty Road and Millmoor (and Withdean).
Edward Scissorhands
New member
- Feb 20, 2005
- 6,979
edna krabappel said:
WET SHAM are in the premierhsip this year
dougdeep
New member
There once was a diner from Crewe,
who found a large bug in his stew.
The waiter did shout, don't wave it about,
or the others will all wan't one too.
who found a large bug in his stew.
The waiter did shout, don't wave it about,
or the others will all wan't one too.
kalinski
Well-known member
i thought it was pretty good 
Brightonfan1983
Well-known member
What a tedious little (and I bet he's a short-arse) man.
Eddie the Seagull
New member
- Thread starter
- #33
Race said:yeah nowt worse than a short arsed man
You would say that as the tank is your partner!
Eddie the Seagull
New member
- Thread starter
- #35
Race said:
Mmmm............What does a long arse look like then??
Ernest I think? Or is he just a total arse?
perth seagull
Well-known member
- Jul 5, 2003
- 5,487
It was a humourous article, I doubt that the author was being serious when he wrote it.
Garry Nelson's Left Foot
Well-known member
I thought it was quite funny.
turienzo's lovechild
New member
- Oct 25, 2003
- 23,964
crewe guy said: