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If World War One was a bar Fight...



Biscuit

Native Creative
Jul 8, 2003
22,281
Brighton
Germany, Austria and Italy are standing together in the middle of a pub when Serbia bumps into Austria and spills Austria's pint. Austria demands Serbia buy it a complete new suit because there are splashes on its trouser leg. Germany expresses its support for Austria's point of view. Britain recommends that everyone calm down a bit.

Serbia points out that it can't afford a whole suit, but offers to pay for the cleaning of Austria's trousers. Russia and Serbia look at Austria. Austria asks Serbia who it's looking at. Russia suggests that Austria should leave its little brother alone. Austria inquires as to whose army will assist Russia in compelling it to do so. Germany appeals to Britain that France has been looking at it, and that this is sufficiently out of order that Britain should not intervene. Britain replies that France can look at who it wants to, that Britain is looking at Germany too, and what is Germany going to do about it?

Germany tells Russia to stop looking at Austria, or Germany will render Russia incapable of such action. Britain and France ask Germany whether it's looking at Belgium. Turkey and Germany go off into a corner and whisper. When they come back, Turkey makes a show of not looking at anyone. Germany rolls up its sleeves, looks at France, and punches Belgium. France and Britain punch Germany. Austria punches Russia. Germany punches Britain and France with one hand and Russia with the other. Russia throws a punch at Germany, but misses and nearly falls over. Japan calls over from the other side of the room that it's on Britain's side, but stays there. Italy surprises everyone by punching Austria. Australia punches Turkey, and gets punched back. There are no hard feelings because Britain made Australia do it.

France gets thrown through a plate glass window, but gets back up and carries on fighting. Russia gets thrown through another one, gets knocked out, suffers brain damage, and wakes up with a complete personality change. Italy throws a punch at Austria and misses, but Austria falls over anyway. Italy raises both fists in the air and runs round the room chanting. America waits till Germany is about to fall over from sustained punching from Britain and France, then walks over and smashes it with a barstool, then pretends it won the fight all by itself.

By now all the chairs are broken and the big mirror over the bar is shattered. Britain, France and America agree that Germany threw the first punch, so the whole thing is Germany's fault . While Germany is still unconscious, they go through its pockets, steal its wallet, and buy drinks for all their friends.
 
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strings

Moving further North...
Feb 19, 2006
9,969
Barnsley
World War Two shirley?
Without a doubt it is World War one.

Germany, Austria and Italy are standing together in the middle of a pub when Serbia bumps into Austria and spills Austria's pint. Austria demands Serbia buy it a complete new suit because there are splashes on its trouser leg. Germany expresses its support for Austria's point of view. Britain recommends that everyone calm down a bit.
This refers to the silly treaties in the run up to the war, and the 'bump' presumably is the Black hand gang and the Archduke Franz Ferdinand.


Russia gets thrown through another one, gets knocked out, suffers brain damage, and wakes up with a complete personality change.
This is the Russian revolution.

America waits till Germany is about to fall over from sustained punching from Britain and France, then walks over and smashes it with a barstool, then pretends it won the fight all by itself.
This is more true of WW1 - the US had more of an input in WW2 than simply turning up when the outcome was already beyond doubt.

Britain, France and America agree that Germany threw the first punch, so the whole thing is Germany's fault . While Germany is still unconscious, they go through its pockets, steal its wallet, and buy drinks for all their friends.
And this is the post war reparations and the treaty of Versailles.

Definately world war one.
 




Stoo82

GEEZUS!
Jul 8, 2008
7,530
Hove
and Romania and Bulgaria and Greece. And the German, French, British friends in Africa. Not forgetting citys in China which reminds me you forgot Japan and New Zealand aswell. I belive Portugal and many south American countrys were in the fight too. Oh and our eternal friends from north America, Cannada.
 








Stoo82

GEEZUS!
Jul 8, 2008
7,530
Hove
... and that's not forgetting that they entered the bar a bit punchy in the first place because Britain fancied Turkey's 'rich bird' - Mesopotamia.

So what your saying is its fine for Turkey to occupy mesopotamia but not Britain.

Im not saying its fine for Britain, but your comment is ridiculous when you think about it.
 




daveinprague

New member
Oct 1, 2009
12,572
Prague, Czech Republic
More a wedding than bar fight wasnt it..?
King, Kaiser and Tsar all cousins.

And an excellent opportunity to remind the Czechs that they were the 'enemy' again...
 






SULLY COULDNT SHOOT

Loyal2Family+Albion!
Sep 28, 2004
11,341
Izmir, Southern Turkey
So what your saying is its fine for Turkey to occupy mesopotamia but not Britain.

Im not saying its fine for Britain, but your comment is ridiculous when you think about it.

Er no...... part of the Ottoamn Empire (Empire being a term usually used by a large state made up of lots of little 'conquered' ones) that until WWI showed no interest in sperating from the Ottoman Empire..... unlike Greece.


But then again.... read your own signature
 


Stoo82

GEEZUS!
Jul 8, 2008
7,530
Hove
Er no...... part of the Ottoamn Empire (Empire being a term usually used by a large state made up of lots of little 'conquered' ones) that until WWI showed no interest in sperating from the Ottoman Empire..... unlike Greece.


But then again.... read your own signature

Chill chill. I know about the Ottoman Empire and where they came from and how the Empire was formed. I am no Greek, but if I used the turm 'Ottoman Empire' to them they would have little idea what I was on about. Its all about the Turkish Ocupation.

But that is beside the point, I used the term 'Turkish Ocupation' in reference to TLO because the Ottoman Empire begain in what is now Mordern Turkey, they we're seen as Turkish in western eyes, but im well aware of other nationalities being able to progress through the ranks as it were. I also understand religion wise, the Ottoman Empire was secular.

Just to add, the Balkans war of the 1912 (?) sugests that not all countries were happy under Ottoman rule.

I say this as and Albion supporter and in peace.
 




SULLY COULDNT SHOOT

Loyal2Family+Albion!
Sep 28, 2004
11,341
Izmir, Southern Turkey
Chill chill. I know about the Ottoman Empire and where they came from and how the Empire was formed. I am no Greek, but if I used the turm 'Ottoman Empire' to them they would have little idea what I was on about. Its all about the Turkish Ocupation.

But that is beside the point, I used the term 'Turkish Ocupation' in reference to TLO because the Ottoman Empire begain in what is now Mordern Turkey, they we're seen as Turkish in western eyes, but im well aware of other nationalities being able to progress through the ranks as it were. I also understand religion wise, the Ottoman Empire was secular.

Just to add, the Balkans war of the 1912 (?) sugests that not all countries were happy under Ottoman rule.

I say this as and Albion supporter and in peace.

No you are absolutely right (can I say that?)

My comment was only about Mesopotania... if you read 'The Peace to End all Peaces' you see that although many countries did want to break from the dying and corrupt Ottoman Empire, the Middle East were quite happy as they saw the Sultan as the Caliph of Islam. It was British hugger-muggering (love that word) that caused all the trouble - TE Lawrence and all that

:)
 


Stoo82

GEEZUS!
Jul 8, 2008
7,530
Hove
I will ask for it for Crimbo.

I think the peace was not signed until 1921 or somthing like that. Not including the bloody Greeks trying to fill the power vacuum by setting up their own little empire.

On a side note, the next course im studying on the years 1914-1955 which is going to be great fun and I should learn lots more about all this stuff.
 


SULLY COULDNT SHOOT

Loyal2Family+Albion!
Sep 28, 2004
11,341
Izmir, Southern Turkey
I will ask for it for Crimbo.

I think the peace was not signed until 1921 or somthing like that. Not including the bloody Greeks trying to fill the power vacuum by setting up their own little empire.

On a side note, the next course im studying on the years 1914-1955 which is going to be great fun and I should learn lots more about all this stuff.

Aahhhh you mean the Greek War of Restitution / Turkish War of Independence

If you get a chance read the diaries of Lloyd George on this..... the guy was absolutely blinkered over the whole thing!

If you are studying itr in Greece it will be probably be as biased about it as they are here in Turkey..... there are some good British published books on the subject though.
 


Stoo82

GEEZUS!
Jul 8, 2008
7,530
Hove
Aahhhh you mean the Greek War of Restitution / Turkish War of Independence

If you get a chance read the diaries of Lloyd George on this..... the guy was absolutely blinkered over the whole thing!

If you are studying itr in Greece it will be probably be as biased about it as they are here in Turkey..... there are some good British published books on the subject though.

OU mate.

I would never study using Greek schools or collages! Dont make me laugh!
 




SULLY COULDNT SHOOT

Loyal2Family+Albion!
Sep 28, 2004
11,341
Izmir, Southern Turkey
OU mate.

I would never study using Greek schools or collages! Dont make me laugh!

OK... let me know what you read about THAT war... always interested ot see the latest on it :)
 


e77

Well-known member
May 23, 2004
7,270
Worthing
To extend the story, the UK, US and France woke up with a hangover from the stolen money to find Germany knocking on the door having taken boxing lessons for the last few years.
 


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