Gilliver's Travels
Peripatetic
Some group therapy for Henmaphobes. A chance to share openly what it is so many of us don't like about Timmy. I have to concede that of course he's actually a pretty good tennis player overall, but it's impossible to feel anything other than a pathological loathing for the guy. No single reason, but several contributing factors. It's not at all logical, and that only makes it even more infuriating. Damn you, Henman!
Possible reasons? And one or two counter-arguments:-
1 That name? Okay, so it's not one to have opponents cacking themselves in panic. But neither Tim nor Henman are his fault. He could opt for a gender-reassigning, more macho-sounding name like, say... Dirk Cockman.
2 His appearance? That clean, bland, 'I'm in my twenties yet somehow in my forties', not quite of this world, disciple of Cliff Richard look? Not entirely his fault. And he did try out a beard (withdrawn after hairs flatly refused to appear on that face).
3 Too rich & privileged? So are most of them. We loved McEnroe.
4 Too dull? Getting somewhere here...
(Sorry, dropped off for a moment)
5 No passion? Yess!! Except for that dubious, coach-manufactured hand-clench. A bit of umpire screaming from Timmy could help here.
6 No image? Nothing ten seconds in a broom cupboard with a Henmaniac (pref female) wouldn't fix, eh Boris?
7 No sense of humour? Just possible. Maybe if he laughed at himself, swore a bit in interviews, had a beer with the lads?
8 The Henmaniacs? Undoubtedly, but difficult to fix. Maybe he could shake them off with a 'My off-court hell of gambling, drugs and dogging' expose in the tabloids, so as to attract a different type of photogenic, raunchy, Daily Mail-free groupie.
9 "Come on Tim"? Arrrgggghhh! He must hate it as much as we do... He could stop it for good by turning around and screaming out "For f***'s sake, will you please stop shouting that? Do you think I don't want to 'come on', whatever that is? Think I might have just possibly forgottten why I've come here at all? You people make me sooo f***ing sick!"
A few for starters. Any more?
Possible reasons? And one or two counter-arguments:-
1 That name? Okay, so it's not one to have opponents cacking themselves in panic. But neither Tim nor Henman are his fault. He could opt for a gender-reassigning, more macho-sounding name like, say... Dirk Cockman.
2 His appearance? That clean, bland, 'I'm in my twenties yet somehow in my forties', not quite of this world, disciple of Cliff Richard look? Not entirely his fault. And he did try out a beard (withdrawn after hairs flatly refused to appear on that face).
3 Too rich & privileged? So are most of them. We loved McEnroe.
4 Too dull? Getting somewhere here...
(Sorry, dropped off for a moment)
5 No passion? Yess!! Except for that dubious, coach-manufactured hand-clench. A bit of umpire screaming from Timmy could help here.
6 No image? Nothing ten seconds in a broom cupboard with a Henmaniac (pref female) wouldn't fix, eh Boris?
7 No sense of humour? Just possible. Maybe if he laughed at himself, swore a bit in interviews, had a beer with the lads?
8 The Henmaniacs? Undoubtedly, but difficult to fix. Maybe he could shake them off with a 'My off-court hell of gambling, drugs and dogging' expose in the tabloids, so as to attract a different type of photogenic, raunchy, Daily Mail-free groupie.
9 "Come on Tim"? Arrrgggghhh! He must hate it as much as we do... He could stop it for good by turning around and screaming out "For f***'s sake, will you please stop shouting that? Do you think I don't want to 'come on', whatever that is? Think I might have just possibly forgottten why I've come here at all? You people make me sooo f***ing sick!"
A few for starters. Any more?
