Have there been any documented Bat-Vehicle Collisions near the Amex yet?

[Doc Lynam]

I'm afraid I have some terrible news to share with you all on the Bat Fatality Front. Below is a pic taken after the SOBA Officers had done their highly specialised thang & opened the tarmac up to Albion Officials (who had been stuck in their stationary Chelsea Tractors for several hours).

As Mr Reich (of all people) rather cruelly confirmed earlier today, I'm not generally 'ITK' if the truth be known - but one of my becaped Agents-in-the-field witnessed the whole horrendous incident & reported back to me in a thrice (after they'd been out on the celebratory lash). Here's what they told me using the medium of mime:-

Apparently, one of our lil' flittery chums was mowed-down after the game by the SCC (South Coast Charabanc)! A fuming Mr Cadkins - who was was at the helm of the the dirty old juggernaut - was seen to head straight at the defenceless critter as it tucked into its favourite boxed pie after the match (Veggie, lukewarm).

The feasting flitter-mouse had only had one bit of trouble before up at the ground, but that was from a bunch of gobby South London Troglodytes who'd 'offered themselves up' to the "Facking Bent Flying Mouse". Understandably, the happy wee mammal thought it had little to fear from its friendly new Football chums, but it sadly hadn't considered the deranged antics of a man on the brink of personal disaster. Yes peeps, it really was a case of Bang! And the Bat was gone.

I'm sure you'll concur that these were indeed scenes of a tragic nature, but the now-frothing Madkins was completely out of control. Quite lidderally 3 seconds or so after the Modor-bound vehicle's dangerously wobbly wheels flattened the hapless nocturnal funster, a deranged Dictator was heard to shout: "The only good Seagull is a DEAD seagull" - & he was then promptly knocked out by a flying hair-piece (which is yet to be positively ID'd, but thought to belong to a Mr Wean Dilkins esq).

A small suited man, sporting steamed-up specs & carrying a book entitled 'Psychology For Idiots' was led away from the scene under heavy sedation. And unlike a now-banned Ricky Lambert, this is bound to run & run...



Nighty night folks. It's been emotional.

A truly sordid affair!

 

[cloud]

They will come in very handy when they next run out of pies