Greatest lyricist ever...the nominations.

[Lord Bracknell]

Dylan

Brecht.

Oh the shark has pretty teeth, dear
And he shows them pearly white
Just a jack knife has MacHeath, dear
And he keeps it out of sight

When the shark bites with his teeth, dear
Scarlet billows start to spread
Fancy gloves though wears MacHeath, dear
So there's not a trace of red

On the sidewalk, Sunday morning
Lies a body oozing life
Someone's sneaking round the corner
Is the someone Mack the knife?

From a tug boat by the river
A cement bag's dropping down
The cement's just for the weight, dear
Bet you Mack is back in town

Louie Miller disappeared, dear
After drawing out his cash
And MacHeath spends like a sailor
Did our boy do something rash?

Sukey Tawdry, Jenny Diver
Polly Peachum, Lucy Brown
Oh the line forms on the right, dear
Now that Mack is back in town


But credit to Mr Blitzestien for the translation.

 

[CHAPPERS]

Beenie Man.

She say she never had it so deep
So right now I'm the man she definitely wanna keep
Har ex boyfriend use to come and drop asleep
Dat's why when me pager start beep she say Beenie

''I want a dude with the wickedest slam, I need a one, two, three hour man
I want a dude who will tie me to the fan
A thug that can handle his biz like a man
I want a dude with the wickedest slam, I need a one, two, three hour man
I want a dude who will do me in the van
A thug that can handle his biz like a man''

 

[perseus]

Come all you gallant sailors
Who sail across the sea
And listen to this story
I'm about to tell to thee
Concerning those bold fishermen
Who sail the seas so wet
A hunting for fish-fingers
With a harpoon and a net

Twas in the year of 84
or was it 83?
That we set sail from Brighton Pier
Bound for Americee
The storms they was a-raging
And the waves a dreadful sight
It took us forty days, me boys
To reach the Isle Of Wight

Our captain's name was Gladys
And he wore a dress of red
Which might have been the reason
He was not married
He was the gay old sea dog
And it was his favourite joy
To take a stroll around the deck
With the handsome cabin boy

Two hundred miles from Iceland
A mighty shoal we spied
MacFisheries Fish-fingers
Came a-floating against the tide
We set off in our longboats
But then our luck we cursed
Alas we were too late
The chinese take-away got there first

Those slant-eyed heathens came at us
They was a dreadful crew
All brandishing computers
And giving it the old Kung-Fu
We sang to them a sea shanty
But they did not want to know
Their skipper felled our mizzen mast
With one Karate blow

We came back to old England
A twelve months and a day
It would have been much quicker, but
We took the pretty way
No more I'll go fish-fingering
On the frozen arctic shore
Next year I'll hunt duck-burgers
On the plains of Falmer (fow-moor for rhyming)

 

[Sorrel]

Dylan for me. Though Laughing Len Cohen can be better at his very best (but usually isn't).

 

[perseus]

I have seen Mr. Apollo uproot trees with his bare hands.
I have seen Mr. Apollo's body-building plan.
He's the strongest man the world has ever seen
And if you take his courses he'll make you big and rough
And.. and you can beat up bullies till they cry: "Oh Lor', oh crickey, let go you rotter! Don't punish me!"
And you're tough
You're very fit
Your voice is gruff
It sounds like grit
You are so strong
And proud of it
Thanks to Mr. Apollo.
Apollo. Mr. Apollo
Everybody knows he's the greatest benefactor of mankind.
Apollo. Mr. Apollo
Everybody knows that a healthy body makes a healthy mind.

You know, you know,
He's the strongest man the world has ever seen
And if you take his courses he'll make you big and rough
[Ha ha] And [ha ha] you can kick the sand right back in their faces.
Kick! Ah ha ha ha!
When you're tough
You're very fit
Your voice is gruff
It sounds like grit
You are so strong
And proud of it
Thanks to Mr. Apollo.
Apollo. Mr. Apollo
Everybody knows he's the greatest benefactor of mankind.
Apollo. Mr. Apollo
Everybody knows that a healthy body makes a healthy mind.

Yes, just give me ten years of your life and I'll trade in that puny flab for living muscle. Physique you deserve. Strong. Chesty shoulders to hold your shirt up.
Everybody knows that a healthy body makes a healthy mind.
He can do it for you.
Five years ago I was an four-stone apology: today I am two separate gorillas.

No tiresome exercises, no tricks, no unpleasant bending.
Wrestle poodles and win!
Play beachball;
Shave your legs;
He can do it for you.
Look over walls;
Tease people;
Brush them aside as though they were matchsticks.
Impress your friends.
Apollo. Mr. Apollo
Everybody knows he's the greatest benefactor of mankind.
Apollo. Mr. Apollo
Everybody knows that a healthy body makes a healthy mind.

VS

 

[Brighton Breezy]

Bowie and Ian Cutis.

 

[Gwylan]

Dylan

Brecht.

Oh the shark has pretty teeth, dear
...

But credit to Mr Blitzestien for the translation.

Blitzstein actually but yes, a masterpiece. Good choice, Lord B.

Brecht stands head and shoulders above anyone else mentioned but then, he was a poet first and songwriter second.

There are just so many wonderful lyrics: Surabaya Johnny from Happy End, Supply and Demand from the Good Person of Szechuan and the wonderful songs he wrote with Hans Eisler.

I've just filled in my Mastermind application form with the works of Brecht as my specialist subject. This is,I think, the fifth time that I've applied, so I'm not too hopeful.

 

[perseus]

You know it balances on your head
Just like a mattress balances
On a bottle of wine
Your brand new leopard-skin pill-box hat.

Well, I asked the doctor if I could see you
It's bad for your health, he said
Yes, I disobeyed his orders
I came to see you
But I found him there instead
You know, I don't mind him cheatin' on me
But I sure wish he'd take that off his head
Your brand new leopard-skin pill-box hat.

Well, I see you got a new boyfriend
You know, I never seen him before
Well, I saw him
Makin' love to you
You forgot to close the garage door

RZ

 

[Yorkie]

Bob Dylan

But I cannot believe that anyone hasn't mentioned Paul Simon.


Let us be lovers,we'll marry our fortunes together
I've got some real estate here in my bag
So we bought a pack of cigarettes, and Mrs. Wagner pies
And we walked off to look for America

Cathy, I said, as we boarded a Greyhound in Pittsburg
Michigan seems like a dream to me now
It took me four days to hitchhike from Saginaw
And I've come to look for America

Laughin' on the bus, playing games with the faces
She said the man in the gaberdine suit was a spy
I said be careful, his bowtie is really a camera

Toss me a cigarette, I think there's one in my raincoat
We smoked the last one an hour ago
So I looked at the scenery, she read her magazine
And the moon rose over an open field

Cathy, I'm lost, I said, though I knew she was sleeping
I'm empty and I'm aching and I don't know why
Countin' the cars on the New Jersey turnpike
They've all come to look for America, all come to look for America

Countin' the cars on the New Jersey turnpike
They've all come to look for America, all come to look for America
All come to look for America



Hello darkness, my old friend, I've come with talk with you again
Because a vision softly creeping, left its seeds while I was sleeping
And the vision that was planted in my brain, still remains
Within the sound of silence

In restless dreams I walked alone, narrow streets of cobblestone
Neath the halo of a streetlamp, I turned my collar to the cold and damp
When my eyes were stabbed by the flash of a neon light, split the night
And touched the sound of silence

And in the naked light I saw, ten thousand people, maybe more
People talking without speaking, people hearing without listening
People writing songs that voices never shared, and no one dared
To stir the sound of silence

Fool, said I, you do not know, silence, like a cancer, grows
Hear my words and I might teach you, take my arms then I might reach you
But my words, like silent raindrops fell, and echoed in the wells of silence

And the people bowed and prayed to the neon god they'd made
And the sign flashed its warning in the words that it was forming
And the sign said the words of the prophets are written on the subway walls
And tenement halls, and whispered in the sounds of silence

 

[Trufflehound]

Tom Waits.

Or David Bowie if you ignore everything he's done in the last 20 years...

 

[Icy Gull]

For those "been dumped and suicidal moments" of youth Jackson Browne deserves a mention

 

[On the Left Wing]

and I suppose in a credtibale third place behind Bob Dylan and Patti Smith .... has to come Al Stewart .... probably the greatest British song word smith

 

[CHAPPERS]

Afroman

I was gonna clean my room until I got high
I was gonna get up and find the broom but then I got high
my room is still messed up and I know why
- cause I got high (repeat 3X)
I was gonna go to class before I got high
I coulda cheated and I coulda passed but I got high
I am taking it next semester and I know why
- cause I got high (repeat 3X)
I was gonna go to work but then I got high
I just got a new promotion but I got high
now I'm selling dope and I know why
- cause I got high (repeat 3X)
I was gonna go to court before I got high
I was gonna pay my child support but then I got high
they took my whole paycheck and I know why
- cause I got high (repeat 3X)
I wasnt gonna run from the cops but I was high
I was gonna pull right over and stop but I was high
Now I am a paraplegic - because I got high (repeat 3X)
I was gonna pay my car A note until I got high
I wasn't gonna gamble on the boat but then I got high
now the tow truck is pulling away and I know why
- because I got high (repeat 3x)

I was gonna make love to you but then I got high
I was gonna eat yo pussy too but then I got high
now I'm jacking off and I know why
- cause I got high (repeat 3X)
I messed up my entire life because I got high
I lost my kids and wife because I got high
now I'm sleeping on the sidewalk and I know why
- cause I got high (repeat 3x)
I'm gonna stop singing this song because I'm high
I'm singing this whole thing wrong because I'm high
and if I dont sell one copy I know why
- cause I'm high (repeat 3x)
Well my name is afroman and im from east palm dale
(east palm dale)
And all the damn weed i be smokin is bomb as hell
I dont belive in Hitler that what i say
(oh my goodness)
So all of u skins
(skins?)
Please give me more head
(bugaaaaaak)
a-e-i-o-u (a e i o u)and some times w
f*** THE CORPORATE WORLD (BIOTCH)

 

[Simster]

Afroman

I was gonna clean my room until I got high
I was gonna get up and find the broom but then I got high
my room is still messed up and I know why
- cause I got high (repeat 3X)
I was gonna go to class before I got high
I coulda cheated and I coulda passed but I got high
I am taking it next semester and I know why
- cause I got high (repeat 3X)
I was gonna go to work but then I got high
I just got a new promotion but I got high
now I'm selling dope and I know why
- cause I got high (repeat 3X)
I was gonna go to court before I got high
I was gonna pay my child support but then I got high
they took my whole paycheck and I know why
- cause I got high (repeat 3X)
I wasnt gonna run from the cops but I was high
I was gonna pull right over and stop but I was high
Now I am a paraplegic - because I got high (repeat 3X)
I was gonna pay my car A note until I got high
I wasn't gonna gamble on the boat but then I got high
now the tow truck is pulling away and I know why
- because I got high (repeat 3x)

I was gonna make love to you but then I got high
I was gonna eat yo pussy too but then I got high
now I'm jacking off and I know why
- cause I got high (repeat 3X)
I messed up my entire life because I got high
I lost my kids and wife because I got high
now I'm sleeping on the sidewalk and I know why
- cause I got high (repeat 3x)
I'm gonna stop singing this song because I'm high
I'm singing this whole thing wrong because I'm high
and if I dont sell one copy I know why
- cause I'm high (repeat 3x)
Well my name is afroman and im from east palm dale
(east palm dale)
And all the damn weed i be smokin is bomb as hell
I dont belive in Hitler that what i say
(oh my goodness)
So all of u skins
(skins?)
Please give me more head
(bugaaaaaak)
a-e-i-o-u (a e i o u)and some times w
f*** THE CORPORATE WORLD (BIOTCH)

I thought you were going to bang on about that tosser from The Streets.

 

[CHAPPERS]

I thought you were going to bang on about that tosser from The Streets.

I thought about it but it's been done and done on here and I think we've reached the end of the road as far as that debate is concerned.

 

[perseus]

It is not the song, but how you sing it. In this case, not so much the song (not much time to write it) as the commentary:


CHORUS:
I don't want a pickle
Just want to ride on my motorsickle
And I don't want a tickle
'Cause I'd rather ride on my motorsickle
And I don't want to die
Just want to ride on my motorcy...cle

It was late last night the other day
I thought I'd go up and see Ray
So l went up and I saw Ray
There was only one thing Ray could say, was:

CHORUS

This song is about the time that I was ridin' my motorcycle.
Going down a mountain road, at 150 miles an hour, playin'
my guitar. On one side of the mountain road there was a
mountain, and on the other side there was nothin' - there was
a cliff in the air.

Now, when you're going down a mountain road at I50 miles
an hour you gotta be very careful, especially if you're playin'
a guitar. Especially if that guitar is an acoustic guitar.
Because if it's an acoustic guitar, the wind pressure is greater
on the box side than on the neck side, because there's
more guitar on the box side. I wasn't payin' attention ..

Luckily I didn't go into the mountain - I went over the cliff.
I was goin' at 150 miles an hour sideways and 500 feet down
at the same time.

I knew it was the end. I looked down, I said ''Wow! Some
trip". I thought it...well I knew it was...I knew it was my last
trip, and in my last remaining seconds in world,I decided
to write one last farewell song to the world.

Put a new ink cartridge in my pen. Took out a piece of paper.
I sat back and I thought awhile. Then I started writin':
I don't want a pickle
Just want to ride on my motorsickle
And I don't want a tickle
'Cause I'd rather ride on my motorsickle

And I don't want to die
Just want to ride on my motorcy ...cle."

I knew that, it wasn't the best song l ever wrote, but I didn't
have time to change it. I was comin' down mighty fast.

But as you all know, and as fate would have it, I didn't die. I
landed on the top of a police car. And he died. I drove away
on the road that he was on. I came into town at a screamin'
175 miles an hour, playin' the motorcycle song.

I came into town, I jumped off my bike, the bike went around
the corner by itself, went up on the stand by itself, turned
itself off.

I walked over to my friend. He was standin' there eatin'
pickles. I said "Hi, what's happenin'?" He looked at me in the
eye and said "Nothin'".

You gotta sing it with that kind of enthusiasm. Like you just
squashed a cop...

CHORUS

 

[Dover]

..........and no one has mentioned Gershwin.


Don Black, Carole King, McCartney, Lennon, Harrison, Difford. are also near the top for my top wordsmiths.

 

[corrallt]

Has to be Dylan. Anyone read the new book "Chronicles"? Absolutely spellbinding.

 

[mejonaNO12 aka riskit]

gary barlow

 

[CHAPPERS]

Oh Alright then...

Mike Skinner.

I hope you understand me
Just trying to stay positive
I aint no preaching fucker and I aint no do-goody-goody either
This is about when shit goes pear-shaped
And if you aren't or ever have been at rock bottom then good luck to you in the big wide world
But remember that one day shit might just start crumbling
Your bird might f*** off or you might lose your job
It's when that happens that what I'm talking about will feel much more important to you
So if you aint feeling it, just be thankful that everythings cool in your world
Respect to BC
Positivity
Positivity