Gordon Brown's only hope - GO MEDIEVAL!..

[Pavilionaire]

This morning I asked myself what would the bloke in charge of the nation 500 years ago do if beset with the social and economic ills of today:

Owing £800million? Go plunder a smaller, weaker nation.
Lack of space for new housing? Reclaim some church lands.
Problems with feral youths and multiple ASBOs? Put them in the stocks.
Crime out of control? Hang 'em.
Problems in the Middle East? Marry off William and Harry to the Princesses of Afghanistan and Iran (a few oil fields for a dowry - see point 1.)
Problems with your Cabinet? Poison a few dissenters.

Maybe Gordon Brown needs to think 'outside the box'?

 

[Easy 10]

Sadly, the advent of Human Rights has put paid to such common sense answers to todays problems.
We could kick the SHIT out of Switzerland and all be millionaires by the end of the week. But then Esther Rantzen would write a hand-wringing column in the Guardian about "how has it come to this ?", and all the bleeding heart, hippy liberals lefties would bore us to death with their endless lobbying and protests.

Mind you, we could just kill them as well I suppose.....

*stares into space*

 

[Pavilionaire]

I like the idea of marching into Switzerland and reclaiming all that Nazi gold the Gnomes Of Zurich have squirreled away - sort of squares the circle for WW2.

I'm sure the French would let us march through to take over the Swiss if they got a cut, and the Afghan campaign should have us well-trained for that mountaineous terrain.

Yes, invading Switzerland ticks a lot of boxes - so WHY can't Brown come up with sensible policies like this??

 

[Psychobilly freakout]

I like the idea of marching into Switzerland and reclaiming all that Nazi gold the Gnomes Of Zurich have squirreled away - sort of squares the circle for WW2.

I'm sure the French would let us march through to take over the Swiss if they got a cut, and the Afghan campaign should have us well-trained for that mountaineous terrain.

Yes, invading Switzerland ticks a lot of boxes - so WHY can't Brown come up with sensible policies like this??

Can we go via Scotland for old times sake

 

[Easy 10]

Nice chocolate as well.
And you could come back with a cuckoo clock for your mum.

 

[Monsieur Le Plonk]

Switzerland on it's own might leave us slightly isolated and exposed. Mind you we could pick up France on the way through - they dont normally mind.

 

[Pavilionaire]

That's a Toblerone-tastic idea Easy.

If Switzerland was British then maybe Brussels would back off...and if we don't fancy France there always the Danes, we owe them one re the Viking raids, nice bacon AND they sit atop German so a geographic sense of superiority to be had too.

 

[algie]

We need another mordern day census book like the Doomsday book.Every single household in the uk will be paid home visits by armed officials(road blocks set up) and passports etc checked.If your not British or fit other strict criteria requiremenets, you are rounded up and put on a hgv lorry designed especially for illegals to be deported with immediate effect.No appeals,human rights etc.
Ths strain on the NHS will be sorted as well as slashing benefit seekers.No housing shortage,more jobs,prisons half emptied and crime rate will be at an all time low.

I should run for PM

 

[Psychobilly freakout]

We need another mordern day census book like the Doomsday book.Every single household in the uk will be paid home visits by armed officials(road blocks set up) and passports etc checked.If your not British or fit other strict criteria requiremenets, you are rounded up and put on a hgv lorry designed especially for illegals to be deported with immediate effect.No appeals,human rights etc.
Ths strain on the NHS will be sorted as well as slashing benefit seekers.No housing shortage,more jobs,prisons half emptied and crime rate will be at an all time low.

I should run for PM

Das is that you ?

 

[Pavilionaire]

Good idea, but 'Doomsday' book sounds so gloomy, so final...maybe it should be more of a member's book thing left at reception where you can sign up to one friend in, otherwise you're kicked out.

 

[Tooting Gull]

Harriet Harman burned for being a witch?

 

[Pavilionaire]

Or maybe, in an ironic twist, the Iron Maiden?

 

[Tooting Gull]

He may be ahead of you here, Pav. In medieval times there was no police force and vigilantism was the only effective means of law enforcement. Hmm. Sounds like a few estates round my way...

 

[Easy 10]

That's a Toblerone-tastic idea Easy.

If Switzerland was British then maybe Brussels would back off...and if we don't fancy France there always the Danes, we owe them one re the Viking raids, nice bacon AND they sit atop German so a geographic sense of superiority to be had too.

Ideal staging point for further conquests as well.
I can't see the Italians being too much bother to overrun. Once they've been driven out, we could finally finish building that Colosseum for them so we'd have a new national stadium. Nice sunny beaches, good wine, cheese with maggots. EVERYONES a winner.

 

[Pavilionaire]

I'm sure the Romans would be won over by our civilised ways, we could get Sir Norman Foster onto the Colosseum, Tommy Walsh could do the decking, Titchmarsh and Charlie Dimmock could landscape it lovely and Phil and Kirsty could get them a decent price.

 

[algie]

Ideal staging point for further conquests as well.
I can't see the Italians being too much bother to overrun. Once they've been driven out, we could finally finish building that Colosseum for them so we'd have a new national stadium. Nice sunny beaches, good wine, cheese with maggots. EVERYONES a winner.

Boring.

Bring back gladiator events.The fun you could have with muslims etc.

 

[Tooting Gull]

There's always the old 'invade Spain just after lunch' trick.

 

[Pavilionaire]

Good idea Tooting. Get to Gibraltar, pile a few SAS into a Luton van, tell Spanish customs there's a load of duty free in the back so they don't suspect anything, then hop over the border, take every golf course, dig a trench system along the South and work steadily upwards until Madrid inevitably caves in!

 

[alan partridge]

what about Plague?

 

[pasty]

Yep, like the Switzerland idea. Just think, British ski resorts.