Getting over a serious break up - HELP!!!!!!

[Buckley's Mad Eye]

Yeah tricky one.

Firstly I'd give her some space, she might be feeling a bit freaked about your advance. There are approximately 3.6 billion other females on the planet, if she ain't interested there is a reasonable chance that another one will be. Bit of a generic answer, but its true.

 

[smudge]

Threads like this are great value!

 

[HovaGirl]

I spent 5 years following someone around, hundreds of years ago, and while we were friends, he wasn't interested. As someone else said, I spent so much time and emotion dreaming about what could be, I wasted years where I could be going out with other people. I've been happily married to someone else for nearly 40 years, and long before I met HovaBoy, I realised a relationship with the other chap would have been a disaster, so all worked for the best, in the end.

Sometimes, you can be in love with love, or in love with a dream of what might be. If you've opened your heart and she's not interested, then the dream is over and you have to move on. At the moment, you are jealous of the idea of her future boyfriends, but if you move on yourself, go out with other people (mates, girlfriends), you will get used to it all. Like the end of anything we lose, we do learn to live with it.

I'm not sure being "friends" with a member of the opposite (or fancied) sex is a good idea, if one of the parties wants to be emotionally involved. Your friendship has already changed, because of your declaration. It's not always practical to change jobs, so you are just going to have to be controlled and cool, get on with your life, and, even, cool the friendship, because it is on a different level now. Don't hate her, or try to hate her, because that will make your pain even worse. Time is a great healer. All the best.

 

[Pretty pink fairy]

It's been emotional
regards
DR

 

[sparkie]

Take a holiday. Go somewhere with plenty to see like Budapest or Istanbul.

If she asks why don't give her a negative reason like getting over her, say it's to put a spark back in your life. Have some interesting experiences to tell her when you get back. I reckon she'll miss you, but that's not the point.

It's about putting things in perspective, and moving on.

Hope it works out for you.

 

[Tim Over Whelmed]

To know the one you still love is sleeping with another guy hurts like a bitch. Unless you are made of stone to lose someone you loved is the biggest ever test of a Man or Woman. It truely is the biggest pile of Horsesh*t you will ever have to deal with. All you can do is suck it up, move on and try and improve yourself. It ain't easy though. Despite all the macho bullshit Men fall hard, often harder than Women. It is a fact blokes find this thing harder to deal with. All you can do is take one day at a time and get yourself back on track. Good luck.

I do feel people understand you fall hard, maybe the real test is how long you stay down for. Some people recover quicker than others, my advice would always be accept where you are and what you can do anything about, don't dwell on things over which you have no control. The time it takes each person to accept this would always vary, just don't cling to negativity and issues you can't control.

 

[Leighgull]

Hi guys

I've just broken up with my partner of nearly 5 years, and it's one of those horrible sad breakup's where neither of us have done anything wrong per se, but not a lot right has happened. With the wealth of knowledge and opinion on here - how do you get over a relationship where you've just drifted apart? And is there anything anyone could recommend to "throw a grenade" into a relationship that's died like that, to kickstart it again? We both care about each other very much still, and rather than being acrimonious and screaming at each other, all we seem to be doing is apologising to each other and being extra nice. It's a bloody horrible situation to be in to be honest - every one of our friends have said how well we seem to be doing with it, but to be honest I WANT to hate her, and be angry to make the grieving for the relationship stop.

Sorry to bore you lot with this, but I need to get it off my chest somewhere

Man up. I'll bet he's out bumming everyone in Worthing as we speak.

 

[Worthingite]

Man up. I'll bet he's out bumming everyone in Worthing as we speak.

This was back in August matey!!!!

 

[Kumquat]

This was back in August matey!!!!

Do people tire of bumming then?

 

[Bad Ash]

This was back in August matey!!!!

So... are you out bumming everyone in Worthing as we speak?

 

[Worthingite]

So... are you out bumming everyone in Worthing as we speak?

No, i've spent the past 5 months pissing up peoples bottles!!

 

[Biscuit]

Too embarassed to start a new thread, so thought I might hide this in here...and see if there are any sensible and helpful responses.

I'm struggling at the moment to get over someone, not that I was ever with but that I have really liked and wanted to be with for a while now. We've become really close over the last few months and spent lots of time together, and although she must have known that I liked her more than being just friends, I had to be sure and so just came out with everything that I felt...I'm not a big manly tough guy, quite a sensitive soul! She apologized and explained that she loves spending time with me but only as friends, and couldnt really give me a reason why (I didn't ask for one, thats just what she said). The hardest thing is that we work in the same place, I see her everyday, and suffer from depression and anxiety anyway (and other things in life are not great)...half of me knows it was the best thing to do, to bring it up and find out one way or the other...but wow has it ever destroyed me at the moment. When I see/talk to her I can't help but still feel the same way, but its so hard knowing she doesn't at all!

The big thing I'm wondering is can I remain close friends with her or is it going to be too much heartache...I'm thinking the latter at the moment! I don't want to lose a good friend, but I don't want to be just friends either...any advice good people of NSC?

Now your cards are on the table, this friendship can only get worse for you, because eventually she will find someone for more than friendship, and that will leave you more hurt than you are now. If you can steer away from this close friendship, whilst being polite, then she could realise what she had (though i doubt it) but it will give you the chance to get out of limbo and meet someone else. In short, whilst she is still on the scene.....you can not move on.
Good luck.... i hope this makes sense.

@Soulsman 's advice is bang on the money. He could only write that from experience and it's worth noting down.

All I can add is, 'Do not be friendzoned.' It's not worth the time or heartache, and worst of all it stops you from meeting people you could be with. I'm a romantic and have found myself in your situation before, more than once. It makes you feel stupid but try not to, it's just the way you're wired. It's horrible, and if you're anything like me you'll still be thinking about it years later. The good news is it gets better, and when you do find someone brilliant, and tell them and they feel the same it's literally the greatest thing ever. When you don't get it back, not so much. Chin up, and seriously, don't waste being friends if you have feelings that go beyond that.
[MENTION=21578]Worthingite[/MENTION] any update on your situation?

 

[Worthingite]

@Soulsman 's advice is bang on the money. He could only write that from experience and it's worth noting down.

All I can add is, 'Do not be friendzoned.' It's not worth the time or heartache, and worst of all it stops you from meeting people you could be with. I'm a romantic and have found myself in your situation before, more than once. It makes you feel stupid but try not to, it's just the way you're wired. It's horrible, and if you're anything like me you'll still be thinking about it years later. The good news is it gets better, and when you do find someone brilliant, and tell them and they feel the same it's literally the greatest thing ever. When you don't get it back, not so much. Chin up, and seriously, don't waste being friends if you have feelings that go beyond that.

[MENTION=21578]Worthingite[/MENTION] any update on your situation?

Erm..... I've kind of started seeing someone in the past couple of weeks. Very very early days, but she's great fun. I went out on a few dates from a couple of those godawful websites, most of which didn't go too well. The irony of it all is the girl I've started seeing I've known for a long time anyway!!!!!!! So there is a moral of the story - things do get better, things aint perfect by any stretch, but I'm happier without the ex (who incidentally turned out to be a bit of a cheating hoebag!!!!)

 

[Durlston]

Erm..... I've kind of started seeing someone in the past couple of weeks. Very very early days, but she's great fun. I went out on a few dates from a couple of those godawful websites, most of which didn't go too well. The irony of it all is the girl I've started seeing I've known for a long time anyway!!!!!!! So there is a moral of the story - things do get better, things aint perfect by any stretch, but I'm happier without the ex (who incidentally turned out to be a bit of a cheating hoebag!!!!)

Glad to hear it, Worthingite. It's sometimes easier when you know someone well before you start going out. There's less silences when you're thinking of what to say and you know her hobbies. If she's great fun to be with that's the most important thing in a relationship. So pleased you're happy again mate.

 

[jonsey]

Take her dogging?

Watch her dogging??

 

[DJ NOBO]

There are a few points here.

Firstly - don't humiliate yourself in front of your colleagues by stoating her at work. She has made her feelings clear, after all. Steer clear and move on.
Secondly - all the best relationships I've been in that have been happy, started well. That's to say, if you're having to pursuade them to be into you, take it as a sign.
Thirdly - the best bit of advice would be find another bird. Not only will you feel better for it, this other girl will respect you. No offence, but she probably doesn't respect you right now.
Good luck!

Dale

 

[Weststander]

Too embarassed to start a new thread, so thought I might hide this in here...and see if there are any sensible and helpful responses.

I'm struggling at the moment to get over someone, not that I was ever with but that I have really liked and wanted to be with for a while now. We've become really close over the last few months and spent lots of time together, and although she must have known that I liked her more than being just friends, I had to be sure and so just came out with everything that I felt...I'm not a big manly tough guy, quite a sensitive soul! She apologized and explained that she loves spending time with me but only as friends, and couldnt really give me a reason why (I didn't ask for one, thats just what she said). The hardest thing is that we work in the same place, I see her everyday, and suffer from depression and anxiety anyway (and other things in life are not great)...half of me knows it was the best thing to do, to bring it up and find out one way or the other...but wow has it ever destroyed me at the moment. When I see/talk to her I can't help but still feel the same way, but its so hard knowing she doesn't at all!

The big thing I'm wondering is can I remain close friends with her or is it going to be too much heartache...I'm thinking the latter at the moment! I don't want to lose a good friend, but I don't want to be just friends either...any advice good people of NSC?

You'll just have to accept, however difficult it is, that it will never be a couple relationship. It may well be that she just doesn't fancy you, but you don't need to dig deeper to find out more 'sad news'. Each day, once you begin to accept this it will get easier, have the total willpower a day at a time, to not pursue her anymore in that way. You will only put her off further, and turn it sour by appearing a pest. But down the road, there will be someone perfect for you.

Regarding the 'just friends' thing, it may never be the same again ... you will still quietly wish it was more, and she will be wary of you or getting too close again. If too awkward after a while and you don't particularly like the job anyway, look at getting another job elsewhere.

First though, you need to deal with the depression/anxiety. Until you do this properly, you will make it less likely that you come across as attractive as a potential partner. These conditions have been suffered by a large minority of the populace at one time or another, most of whom have gone on to have fulfilling lives, so so not consider yourself odd. Your GP will get the ball rolling for you if you tell the truth of the extent and its effect on you. Once you, with help, have truly dealt with this, everything else in your life will improve for the better.

All the best.

 

[Cheshire Cat]

[video]http://www.anyclip.com/movies/animal-house/making-out-at-party/#!quotes/[/video]

 

[Uncle Spielberg]

I have hung my boots up now. It is not worth the grief or upset anymore. Some good advice on here. Don't do the friends thing if you still have feelings. Good luck it is a jungle out there.

 

[BlockDpete]

I've had the "friendzoned" thing recently.

Started seeing this very attractive girl, we seemed to be getting on quite well, though she was fairly cool with me.

At one point, she even came back to my place, after an evening out. Though when I asked, she said she wanted to carry on seeing me "as friends", which I was happy with at the time.

Though a few weeks later, I got a text about "seeing eachother as friends", so I took the hint and haven't contacted her again.

Bit of a shame really, as she's works as cabin crew for Quantas, so I was looking forward to some cheap flights to Oz...

As others have said, no real point getting too dragged into someone, if you want more out if it than they do