Funniest comedy line ever nominations

[El Presidente]

"He's not the messiah, he's a very naughty boy"

 

[Lord Bracknell]

"Infamy! Infamy! They've all got it in for me"

 

[Les Biehn]

Shooter McGavin - 'I eat pieces of shitlike you for Breakfast'
Happy Gilmore - 'You eat pieces of shit for breakfast?'

 

[Lord Bracknell]

"Does Magna Carta mean nothing to you? Did she die in vain?"

"If it's a girl they're gonna name it Sigourney after an actress, and if it's a boy they're gonna name him Rodney after Dave."

"I'm going nowhere, Lynn. Quite literally. I'm on the ring road."

"Oh you're German. I'm sorry, I thought there was something wrong with you".

"I'm not a fascist. I'm a priest. Fascists dress up in black and tell people what to do. Whereas priests... more drink?"

"Garlic bread - it's the future, I've tasted it."

"Surely you can't be serious?" "I am serious - and don't call me Shirley."

 

[Pettitt303]

"Garlic bread - it's the future, I've tasted it."

Best Line Ever

 

[Tom Hark Preston Park]

From The Office Christmas Special where David Brent's dinner with the girl from the dating agency is going grimly wrong:

'Can we stop talking about my dead mother's breasts'

 

[Renns]

Dads army: Don't tell him your name, pike!

 

[tedebear]

Nice beaver

Thank you I just had it stuffed

 

[Frutos]

"Surely you can't be serious?" "I am serious - and don't call me Shirley."

 

[Spunk Bubble]

Fork Handles

 

[maffew]

Del boy selling christmas trees with a sign saying 'As used by the church of England'

"Ain't you got no effics (ethics)" he asks Del.
"'Course I ave Rodney"
"No you ain't .... you don't even know what effics is do you ?"
"Course I do ........ They make model airplanes"

 

[dougdeep]

 

[maffew]

yeah I was looking for the one where he said

"The baby is brown" though found this gem

Loads of good Only Fools and Horses moments

 

[The Clown of Pevensey Bay]

"Come the f*** in, or f*** the f*** off"

 

[Dr. Notthenineo'clocknews]

"He's not the messiah, he's a very naughty boy"

What was funnier was someone at work telling me about a programme they had watched called "Life of Grime" and someone who overheard interupted by repeating the above line ad nauseum

 

[Buzzer]

I'm playing the right notes but not necessarily in the right order

 

[NMH]

"you started it - you invaded Poland" Basil Fawlty

"owww, I'm hoping to have children" Frank Spencer

"I'm going to have to sell you all for scientific experiments" Catholic northerner in 'Meaning of Life.'

"AND HE HATES CANS" Steve Martin as The Jerk

"You are such a great lover......"
"I practice a lot when I'm alone"
Woody Allen as Boris in 'Love and Death'.

"where da white women at?" Cleavon Little as Bart, in Blazing Saddles.

"it's only a flesh wound" John Cleese in 'Holy Grail'

"Is it because I is black?" Ali G

(insert quote here) Tommy Cooper

 

[NMH]

(insert quote here) Tommy Cooper

"I always sit at the back of a plane.
You never hear of a plane backing into a mountain" TC

 

[crodonilson]

Are you having a laugh...........is he having a laugh?!?

 

[SJ's Love Monkey]

Uncle Albert: "Elsie Partridge is a medium"

Del Boy: "Is she? Well you had better whip that round to her then, that will fit her a treat that will i tell ya"