Fridays Best Joke

[Louisjpbacon]

Two atoms are walking down the street.
The first one says, "Oh no, I just lost an electron!"
The second one says, "Are you sure?"
and the first one replies, "I'm POSITIVE!"

ill get my coat

 

[Lander]

 

[Louisjpbacon]

ok ok, this ones better

2 weasels walked in to a bar and had a couple of drinks, the first one says to the other one "I SLEPT WITH UR MOTHER", the second one looks at hm with a funny look, and the whole bar goes quiet to see what the 2nd one will say, and then the 1st weasel says again, I SLEPT WITH YOUR MOTHER, the second weasel calmly says, "go home dad, your drunk"

 

[Lander]

Better?




















Really?

 

[Superphil]

Fella sitting in a restaurant, the waiter brings him a plate and puts it down in front of him.

On the plate there are two dots.

Fella says,

"Excuse me waiter, but I ordered an omlette"

 

[Lander]

Fella sitting in a restaurant, the waiter brings him a plate and puts it down in front of him.

On the plate there are two dots.

Fella says,

"Excuse me waiter, but I ordered an omlette"

 

[Northstander]

Fella sitting in a restaurant, the waiter brings him a plate and puts it down in front of him.

On the plate there are two dots.

Fella says,

"Excuse me waiter, but I ordered an omlette"

 

[Frutos]

Fella sitting in a restaurant, the waiter brings him a plate and puts it down in front of him.

On the plate there are two dots.

Fella says,

"Excuse me waiter, but I ordered an omlette"

I may be being dense, but I don't understand what's funny there at all.

 

[Statto]

*Tumbleweed*

 

[Buzzer]

play on words

omelette and umlaut. The two dots above letters in German

 

[Frutos]

play on words

omelette and umlaut. The two dots above letters in German

Ah, now I get it.

It's still not funny, but I do get it.

 

[Lander]

play on words

omelette and umlaut. The two dots above letters in German

Silly, i forgot everyone speaks german

 

[Juan Albion]

I may be being dense, but I don't understand what's funny there at all.

It was probably a German restaurant.

 

[Juan Albion]

2 weasels walked in to a bar and had a couple of drinks, the first one says to the other one "I SLEPT WITH UR MOTHER", the second one looks at hm with a funny look, and the whole bar goes quiet to see what the 2nd one will say, and then the 1st weasel says again, I SLEPT WITH YOUR MOTHER, the second weasel calmly says, "go home dad, your drunk"

Was he one of those liquid weasels?

 

[Northstander]

but if it s German restaraunt would he not be asking sausage or sour kraut and things

 

[Rangdo]

play on words

omelette and umlaut. The two dots above letters in German

I think it was funnier when I didn't understand it.

 

[Buzzer]

I think it was funnier when I didn't understand it.

*snigger*

 

[brighton rock]

one i popped on the other day


A couple go for a meal at a Chinese restaurant and order the "Chicken Surprise". The waiter brings the meal, served in a lidded cast iron pot.

Just as the wife is about to serve herself, the lid of the pot rises slightly and she briefly sees two beady little eyes looking around before the lid slams back down.

"Good grief, did you see that?" she asks her husband.

He hasn't, so she asks him to look in the pot. He reaches for it and again the lid rises, and he sees two little eyes looking around before it slams down. Rather perturbed, he calls the waiter over, explains what is happening, and demands an explanation.

"Please sir," says the waiter, "what you order?"

The husband replies, "Chicken Surprise."

[Wait for it....................]









Ah... so sorry," says the waiter, "I bring you Peeking Duck"

 

[parks]

 

[brighton rock]

Two blokes are pushing their shopping trolleys around a supermarket when they collide.
The first bloke says to the second bloke, "Sorry about that. I'm looking for my wife, and I guess I wasn't paying attention to where I was going".

The second bloke says, "That's OK. It's a coincidence. I'm looking for my wife, too. I can't find her and I'm getting a little desperate".

The first bloke says, "Well, maybe we can help each other. What does your wife look like"?

The second bloke says, "Well, she is 27 yrs old, 5 feet 11 inches tall, with blonde hair, blue eyes, big jubblies, long legs and is wearing tiny little shorts and a crop top. What does your wife look like"?

The first bloke says, "Doesn't matter --- let's look for yours."