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Friday Joke



Tony Towner's Fridge

Well-known member
Aug 22, 2003
5,525
GLASGOW,SCOTLAND,UK
Tony Blair called Gordon Brown into his office one day and said,
"Gordon, I have a great idea! We are going to go all out to win back Middle
England".

"Good idea PM, how will we go about it?" said Brown.

"Well' said Blair "we'll get ourselves two of those long Barbour
coats, some proper wellies ' a stick and a flat cap, oh and a Labrador.
Then we'll really look the part. We'll go to a nice old country pub, in 'Much Something' or other or one of those villages and we'll show we really enjoy the Countryside"

"Right PM" said Brown.

So a few days later, all kitted out and with the requisite
Labrador at heel, they set off from London in a westerly direction. Eventually they arrived at just the place they were looking for and found a lovely country pub and, with the dog, went in and up to the bar.

"Good evening Landlord, may we have two pints of your best ale,
from the wood" said Blair.

"Good evening Prime Minister" said the landlord, " two pints of
best it is, coming up".

Blair and Brown stood leaning on the bar drinking their beer and
chatting, nodding now and again to those who came into the bar for a drink. The dog lay quietly at their feet. All of a sudden, the door from the adjacent bar opened and in came a grizzled old shepherd, complete with crook.
He walked up to the Labrador, lifted its tail and looked underneath, shrugged his shoulders and walked back to the other bar.
A few moments later, in came another old shepherd with his crook. He walked up to the dog, lifted its tail, looked underneath, scratched his head and went back to the
other bar.

Over the course of the next hour or so another four or five shepherds came in, lifted the dog 's tail and went away looking puzzled.

Eventually Blair and Brown could stand it no longer and called the barman over.

"Tell me" said Blair, "why did all those old shepherds come in and look under the dog's tail like that? Is it an old custom?"

"Good Lord no," said the barman. "Its just that someone has told them that there was a Labrador in this bar with two @rseholes".


:clap2:
 


















Dave the OAP

Well-known member
Jul 5, 2003
46,690
at home
boom boom

:lol:
 
















Superphil

Dismember
Jul 7, 2003
25,625
In a pile of football shirts
Might be an old one, but it's a bit of a giggle;

A German guy approaches a prostitute and says " I vish to buy sex vit you"

"OK" says the girl, "I'll charge 100 dollars an hour"

Ist goot, But I must varn you, I am a little kinky"
"No problem"? she replies cautiously, "I can do a little kinky"

So off they go to the girl's flat, where the German produces four large bedsprings and a duck caller.

"I vant you to tie ze springs to each of your limbs.."
The girl finds this very strange, but complies, fastening the springs to her hands and knees.

"Now you vill get on your hans and knees." She duly does this, balancing on the springs.

"You vill please blow zis vistle as I make love to you."

She finds all this very odd, but figures it's harmless, and the guy is paying.

The sex is fantastic. She is bounced all over the room by the energetic German, all the time honking on the duck caller.

The climax is the most sensational she has ever experienced, and it is several minutes before she has recovered her breath.

Finally she gasps "That was totally amazing.......
what do you call that?"


"Ah", says the German, "Four-sprung duck technique"
 






Biscuit

Native Creative
Jul 8, 2003
22,281
Brighton
Superphil said:
Might be an old one, but it's a bit of a giggle;

A German guy approaches a prostitute and says " I vish to buy sex vit you"

"OK" says the girl, "I'll charge 100 dollars an hour"

Ist goot, But I must varn you, I am a little kinky"
"No problem"? she replies cautiously, "I can do a little kinky"

So off they go to the girl's flat, where the German produces four large bedsprings and a duck caller.

"I vant you to tie ze springs to each of your limbs.."
The girl finds this very strange, but complies, fastening the springs to her hands and knees.

"Now you vill get on your hans and knees." She duly does this, balancing on the springs.

"You vill please blow zis vistle as I make love to you."

She finds all this very odd, but figures it's harmless, and the guy is paying.

The sex is fantastic. She is bounced all over the room by the energetic German, all the time honking on the duck caller.

The climax is the most sensational she has ever experienced, and it is several minutes before she has recovered her breath.

Finally she gasps "That was totally amazing.......
what do you call that?"


"Ah", says the German, "Four-sprung duck technique"

:lolol: :lolol: :lolol: :clap2:
 


brighton rock

New member
Jul 5, 2003
4,430
lancing
JIM AND EDNA

Jim and Edna were both patients in a mental hospital.

One day while they were walking past the hospital swimming pool, Jim suddenly jumped into the deep end. He sank to the bottom of the pool and stayed there.

Edna promptly jumped in to save him. She swam to the bottom and pulled Jim out. When the Head Nurse Director became aware of Edna's heroic act, she immediately ordered her to be discharged from the hospital, as she now considered her to be mentally stable.

When she went to tell Edna the news, she said, "Edna, I have good news and bad news. The good news is you're being discharged. Since you were able to rationally respond to a crisis by jumping in and saving the life of another patient, I have concluded that your act displays sound mindedness.

The bad news is that Jim, the patient you saved, hung himself in the bathroom with his bathrobe belt right after you saved him. I am so sorry, but he's dead."

Edna replied, "He didn't hang himself, I put him there to dry." "How soon can I go home?"
 


Tom Bombadil

Well-known member
Jul 14, 2003
6,091
Jibrovia
brighton rock said:
JIM AND EDNA

Jim and Edna were both patients in a mental hospital.

One day while they were walking past the hospital swimming pool, Jim suddenly jumped into the deep end. He sank to the bottom of the pool and stayed there.

Edna promptly jumped in to save him. She swam to the bottom and pulled Jim out. When the Head Nurse Director became aware of Edna's heroic act, she immediately ordered her to be discharged from the hospital, as she now considered her to be mentally stable.

When she went to tell Edna the news, she said, "Edna, I have good news and bad news. The good news is you're being discharged. Since you were able to rationally respond to a crisis by jumping in and saving the life of another patient, I have concluded that your act displays sound mindedness.

The bad news is that Jim, the patient you saved, hung himself in the bathroom with his bathrobe belt right after you saved him. I am so sorry, but he's dead."

Edna replied, "He didn't hang himself, I put him there to dry." "How soon can I go home?"



Fixtuuuuuures
 




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