F*****g,C*****G,B*****D Seagulls

[Dave the OAP]

Last year a family of seagulls nested on the house opposite and for 3 months no-one could get any sleep as the f***ing things kept everyone up with their constand calling and noise.


Anyway, the people put spikes up behind the chimney to stop them nesting again, now the bastards have "filled in" the area with grass and stuff up to the top of the spikes, and built a nest on top ( inginuity at its best!!!!)

They now have three baby seagulls and are constantly shouting and calling at all hours.

its like living next to an ASBO family.


I understand you are not allowed to kill seagulls but i am thinking seriously about buying one of these babies and if I dont get some sleep soon, letting them have a blast up their jacksies

 

[The Large One]

Of course you can shoot seagulls, just ask Uncle Buck. He's a kind of Mark Thatcher of seagull-massacaring military hardware. The main thing you have to remember is that the law states you must hit the entire family of seagulls, otherwise social services have to be called in.

And you know what that means. Yep, death by open-toed sandals.

 

[Uncle Buck]

Ah an area of expertise, although so far this year they have not found the roof outside my flat, but early days.

In the absence of not being allowed to booby trap the roof due to the other residents and I am guessing that you do not own a Remmington snipers rifle, may I suggest the age old favourite of baking soda and bread. Give it while to work into the feckers system and then they explode, so fun for all the family.

 

[Napper]

Shoot them with an air gun , quite quiet , no fuss and job done

 

[The Large One]

You have to be sure though. Put it this way, have you ever seen Hitchcock's 'The Birds'?

I rest my case.

 

[Uncle Buck]

You have to be sure though. Put it this way, have you ever seen Hitchcock's 'The Birds'?

I rest my case.

Baking Soda never fails....

 

[The Large One]

Baking Soda never fails....

 

[jonny.rainbow]

If the Marina hadn't been built on their natural habitat...............

 

[Scotty Mac]

Ah an area of expertise, although so far this year they have not found the roof outside my flat, but early days.

In the absence of not being allowed to booby trap the roof due to the other residents and I am guessing that you do not own a Remmington snipers rifle, may I suggest the age old favourite of baking soda and bread. Give it while to work into the feckers system and then they explode, so fun for all the family.

does that technique work on any sort of bird of the winged variety

 

[Uncle Buck]

does that technique work on any sort of bird of the winged variety

I think so as they cannot burp (or something along those lines). However due to the fact seagulls can be noisey buggers it is fair game on them.

 

[Scotty Mac]

I think so as they cannot burp (or something along those lines). However due to the fact seagulls can be noisey buggers it is fair game on them.

splendid. it may time to give those bastard pigeons that sit on the tv aeriel and make noises at 7am in the morning a tast of their own medicine

 

[Uncle Buck]

splendid. it may time to give those bastard pigeons that sit on the tv aeriel and make noises at 7am in the morning a tast of their own medicine

Need to make sure they are clear of your drive or garden, otherwise you have to clean them up.

 

[Scotty Mac]

Need to make sure they are clear of your drive or garden, otherwise you have to clean them up.

nasty. although i imagine the pleasure of seeing the things blown up first hand could make up for the cleaning up job, expecially as that would allow the entrails to be placed through the letter box of the wanker who lives across the road

 

[Uncle Buck]

nasty. although i imagine the pleasure of seeing the things blown up first hand could make up for the cleaning up job, expecially as that would allow the entrails to be placed through the letter box of the wanker who lives across the road

Sometimes their stomachs explode and they fly on for a bit....

 

[Scotty Mac]

Sometimes their stomachs explode and they fly on for a bit....

im sure the neighbour will settle for stomach entrails. i imagine it to be quite good fun seeing a bird flying along with a hole in its stomach

 

[D'Angelo Saxon]

Baking Soda never fails....

Does this work Piers? I've got one of the xxxxx nesting just outside my kitchen window, and so far all attempts to get it to f*** off have failed...

 

[D'Angelo Saxon]

We're cautioned not to throw rice at the bride and groom, because the grain will prove harmful to the birds who swoop down to eat it. The rice expands in those little birdy stomachs, causing our avian companions to explode, we're warned. Let's quit worrying about the birds. They'll be fine. Seagulls don't explode when they eat Alka-Seltzer; pigeons don't explode when they eat rice.

Think about it for a second. Seagulls feed their young by regurgitating food from their stomach. How could an animal that can regurtitate entire fish be harmed by gas from baking soda?

Just found this...

 

[Collar Feeler]

Can't shoot the birds although who would know if you sniped them with a decent air rifle?? You can however quite legally shoot the eggs before they hatch although getting in a position to do so would prove difficult I imagine.

Baking soda tightly rapped in moist bread works a treat! their guts explode out of their bums on most occasions. A very painful and slow death mind so not a method for all the touchy feely tree huggers. We used to 'play' our version of Seagull bingo whilst at sea in the navy, throwing doctored bread to the following seagulls and the first to get one to explode would win (usually lots of beer)!

I've got some nesting in a chimney two doors down and whilst every year they have been noisy little fuckers, this year for some reason they have been quite chilled out and i've hardly heard them. might have something to do with no other seagulls nesting nearby?!?

 

[D'Angelo Saxon]

Baking soda tightly rapped in moist bread works a treat! their guts explode out of their bums on most occasions. A very painful and slow death mind so not a method for all the touchy feely tree huggers. We used to 'play' our version of Seagull bingo whilst at sea in the navy, throwing doctored bread to the following seagulls and the first to get one to explode would win (usually lots of beer)!

So you've actually seen this happen and vouch for the fact it works? Dope! Just out of interest, do they normally explode when flying, or do they explode on the ground as well, as I don't really fancy cleaning up seagull-guts from outside my kitchen window...