Ethical baby dilemma

[Hungry Joe.]

Why don't you foster?
I think that is what I would look into although I admittedly don't know an amazing amount about it at the moment.

A possibility. My Mum was fostered and treated her Mum as the real thing.

 

[Yorkie]

Am I alone in thinking that NSC is actually one of the BETTER places to discuss these sorts of issues?

Good luck in finding a solution, Phaedrus.

True. We are all so different (despite having the Albion in common) that you get all sorts of viewpoints.

 

[Hungry Joe.]

But if i couldnt have children for some reason, I think i would have just accepted in at and moved on.

I know what you're getting at Marshy and I have accepted a lot of things. The problem is partly that I have moved on since I had the treatment that caused the infertility. At the time I was 25 and children were the last thing on my mind but now they're not. I'm not so clucky that it's an obsession or anything, or it would ruin my lifen if it didn't happen, it's just something I think about from time to time, and, believe or not, the views posted on here have given me food for thought and other perspectives.

 

[Hungry Joe.]

Am I alone in thinking that NSC is actually one of the BETTER places to discuss these sorts of issues?

Good luck in finding a solution, Phaedrus.

Thanks LB.

 

[Simster]

Am I alone in thinking that NSC is actually one of the BETTER places to discuss these sorts of issues?

Good luck in finding a solution, Phaedrus.

No you're not.

 

[NMH]

If you want to be 'ethical', then adopt and solve one problem for the World, that child, and your family (never mind about genetics).
You can also make sure it's healthy if that's something that might be an issue.

 

[Shegull]

This problem happened to a friend of mine where his brother couldn't have children and his brothers wife decided that the problem would be solved by havinig a child with my friend donating his sperm.

Even the suggestion caused murder and a family rift followed which has not been resolved after 13 years and I don't honestly think it ever will.

Added to the above the brothers wife now goes out of her way to bad mouth my friend and his family and cause as many rows as possible.

Please please be careful how you broach the subject with your family. What might seem logical to you could seem horrifying to somebody else.

 

[Titanic]

IMHO the family genes thing is far less important than the responsibility, challenge and occasional joys of bringing up a child.

Perhaps because of your 'fried nuts' situation, it's not a subject that you and your girlfriend have talked about much... but that would be my advice - talk with her about having children.

Don't worry at this stage about how you get there - but talk about the reality of having a child - being responsible, managing physically, financially and emotionally with the upheaval that it would certainly bring.

If you decide that is the right thing for you (and especially for your g/f if your health could still be an issue), then you can discuss the possible avenues... which might include ai by donor, ai by brother, fostering, adoption, and who knows what amazing techniques now being developed to concieve a baby either with or without your genes.

Above all - talk to your g/f - it's the only way !!

 

[Hungry Joe.]

IMHO the family genes thing is far less important than the responsibility, challenge and occasional joys of bringing up a child.

Perhaps because of your 'fried nuts' situation, it's not a subject that you and your girlfriend have talked about much... but that would be my advice - talk with her about having children.

Don't worry at this stage about how you get there - but talk about the reality of having a child - being responsible, managing physically, financially and emotionally with the upheaval that it would certainly bring.

If you decide that is the right thing for you (and especially for your g/f if your health could still be an issue), then you can discuss the possible avenues... which might include ai by donor, ai by brother, fostering, adoption, and who knows what amazing techniques now being developed to concieve a baby either with or without your genes.

Above all - talk to your g/f - it's the only way !!

All very good points and I will be discussing it with my girlfriend when I've fully got my own head round how I feel about it all. This thread really has been useful to me and I do sincerely thank all the contributors. It's strange to me that so many posters seem to be slating NSC recently when you can post stuff like this on here and get all sorts of views and advice from a broad section of life. Long may it continue.

 

[Lammy]

Personally I think the idea is cRaZy!! Thisnk how the kid would feel? Would you tell him/her? What if you sister in law could not concive.

Would the child have to support swindon? Your farther is your uncle and your Mother is your Father's Brother's wife!

 

[Spiros]

Phaedrus - you have my total sympathy as a few years back I thought I was going to be in a 'fried nuts' situation. Fortunately it turned out to be a false alarm. Good luck with whatever path you chose, although if I was in your shoes I'd consider adoption for the following reasons:

1. It doesn't involve your brother or his wife, or any sperm donors
2. It gives a home and (I expect) loving parents to a child that really needs them

 

[Hungry Joe.]

Would the child have to support swindon? Your farther is your uncle and your Mother is your Father's Brother's wife!

Now that is funny.

 

[Pavilionaire]

I'd adopt, and if that didn't happen I'd accept there were going to be no kids in this life and move on.

 

[Yorkie]

Just a thought. Has it been proved conclusively that you are infertile?

Sometimes these things have a way of righting themselves against all medical odds.

 

[Hungry Joe.]

Just a thought. Has it been proved conclusively that you are infertile?

Sometimes these things have a way of righting themselves against all medical odds.

Afraid so. Had chemo at 25 and got it tested again a couple of years back. The Doctor said, rather amusingly, "sorry mate, they've still all got three heads and are swimming backwards, that's it".

 

[Hungry Joe.]

Phaedrus - you have my total sympathy as a few years back I thought I was going to be in a 'fried nuts' situation. Fortunately it turned out to be a false alarm. Good luck with whatever path you chose, although if I was in your shoes I'd consider adoption for the following reasons:

Thanks mate, glad yours was a false alarm, it's a shite disease.