Don't be too proud to ask for Help

[Goldstone Rapper]

Good to see this thread hasn't descended into a debate about 'hanged himself' vs 'hung himself', although it's definitely the former.

 

[public school boy]

One thought to hang onto when suffering is that it will eventually lift(difficult to believe at the time) and that as descent into depression is a gradual process so is coming out of it.

Sadly some just dive in depression for no reason that can be pin pointed. I find that if a hit a high, feel that the world and life is great and nothing could ever drag me down, I know that I'm about to crash. Trying to find a midway point is very difficult. Depression is a terrible illness that I would not wish it on anyone. Find someone that you trust and talk to them. For me that person is someone who is not a family member or relation as I can really open up without the fear of upsetting those in my family.

 

[Gullys Cats]

I myself have suffered with depression for years, its nice of you to post this message.

 

[Durlston]

The only positive thing to come out of this awful tragedy is that the British media might get us to talk more openly about depression and suicide.

The 'stiff upper lip' doesn't work in the long-term.

 

[Adam_Banana20]

I've been going in and out of depression for the last year or so.Every time something good happens something bad happens,I always try to look on the bright side but it's tough...I've tried to get on with things and I've spoken to my family about it but it's hard to be happy all the time.

 

[Austin "Forster" Powers]

Having had a best mate who was so clearly suffering but I never said anything because he was so sure he didn't have a problem, I wish i'd been braver in saying something, fortunately for me he realised his problems and did something about it, now i'm not saying for one moment that he was ever on the verge or indeed anywhere near doing something to harm himself but his problems could have been sorted much sooner. Strangely enough when I experienced a very low point in my life fairly recently it was him amongst others that I turned to, not necessarily for guidance but just to talk to and get it out in the open, not to proud to say that I cried in front of friends. The fact remains that TALKING HELPS so don't ever bottle it up just because we're hard nosed football fans doesn't mean we don't have feelings and if you think someone does have a problem then say something, they may not like it but hopefully it will get through to them.

 

[Lady Whistledown]

does anyone actually know for a fact that gary was depressed and hung himself ?

It's known that he hanged himself but not that he suffered from depression.

 

[turienzo's lovechild]

i posted this in the other thread but i guess it's relevent here as well



as someone who has had depression for a number of years and not too long ago was at the lowest point that i can imagine i wasn't going to post about depression in this thread, but a number of posts have prompted me too

a lot of people with depression find it almost impossible to portray their emotions properly/normally.......i often covered it up when i was around people by trying to look overly happy and fun, but it's when you're on your own that horrible thoughts enter your head, i can't begin to describe how horrible it is to wake up and wish you hadn't.......for years nobody from my closest friends to family had any idea that anything was wrong with me because i was so good at covering it up and acting like everything was fine......mainly because i found it easier to act like everything was fine and i was happy than have to face actually talking about the things that were wrong with me, and i felt that if people knew then i would be burdening them....it took something quite drastic to change that and a lot of people were shocked to discover that anything was wrong with me.....

as for all the tributes to him being a top guy and doing well in his job.......unfortunately when you're depressed other people holding you in high esteem doesn't make much difference because of how shit you feel about yourself.....

it's impossible to put yourself in that mind set and to fully understand what would drive someone into such a drastic act as taking their own life unless you've been in that position in my opinion

 

[turienzo's lovechild]

the list of people that are portrayed as successful that have had depression/other mental illnesses is really quite staggering

it can hit anyone......

 

[zfleas]

Can I ask - may sound really naive but I'm being serious - what does being depressed mean? How is it different from having a shitty few days? A close mate of mine died last thursday and of course im down about it but i wouldnt consider myself depressed - whats the difference?

 

[Return of the Rev]

ok, a beginner's question from me.

Does the circumstances of your life have any relation to whether you are likely to experience depression?

I ask because from an outsider's perspective, not only has he achieved so much already, gary speed would appear to have had so much going for him in his life.

Had a best mate the same age as gary speed who took his life,he had no money worries.own home just met the girl of his dreams and a baby on the way! He took his life,never made sense to this day,sometimes things just tip and never balance up! As far as depression goes when you are depressed you are depressed outside world does not affect that!

 

[Seagull Steve]

Well done PSB, it is not spoken about as often as it should be. I am on maximum dose of anti depressants, I was put on these after becoming suicidal. I was put under the mental health team at Brighton general. They were very helpful, and I would not hesitate to phone them and ask for help. We all have very different lives, and depression is not fussy about who it takes hold of. Talking about your feelings can be very difficult, but can help enormously. Anybody who would like to PM me for any advice or just a chat with someone who is going through the same thing, don't hesitate to do so. How ever black things look, try to keep in mind that one day you will look back and know that you were brave enough to ask for help, and strong enough to get yourself through it.

 

[wunt be druv]

Suffering from depression myself, my message to anyone who suffers is ASK FOR HELP. You will be surprised how many people are going through the same types of problems as you and are the only people that understand what it is like. I have never used antidepressants myself due to my addictive nature but others claim that they have helped enormously.
Please don't feel that you are all alone with no one else to turn to. There is help if you seek it and it works. Your GP will point you in the right direction.

Well done for posting this and highlighting just how debilitating depression can be.My wife suffers from this disease and it is a shit thing to have to endure.It is not just feeling down and fed up,it is a hundred times worse,feeling totally useless and without hope and alone.I help her as much as I can by talking about it and facing this head on and boosting her self esteem and confidence,as do her friends and family.She too,has avoided the antidepressant path,positive thoughts and vibes and not hiding from it do work and again knowing she is not the only one who suffers really does help.So anyone out there,just ask for help,don't be afraid,there are many,many people in your situation and also a lot of people who will help you.

 

[rool]

Can I ask - may sound really naive but I'm being serious - what does being depressed mean? How is it different from having a shitty few days? A close mate of mine died last thursday and of course im down about it but i wouldnt consider myself depressed - whats the difference?

Think about feeling shit for no apparent reason, you lose all sense of emotion to your nearest and dearest, you lose interest in everything you like to do. All you want to do is sleep during the day but you can't sleep during the night so you are permanently knackered. You can't focus on work but you don't care either. You take anti d's for a while but they soon lose their effect.
you then start thinking what is the point of being here and calmly make plans on how to end it all. That's how I feel anyway

 

[Barrel of Fun]

I always found that pretending everything was fine was absolutely exhausting. Being asleep was the best time, but I suffered from fractured sleep.

Horrible being awake at three in the morning, lying there for hours with all sorts of horrible thoughts running through your head.

 

[public school boy]

The question about the difference between just feeling down or suffering depression has baffled many and is very difficult to answer. May be it comes down to the way one behaves ie doing things obsessively, which could be over eating, using drugs/alcohol, shopping, sex, abusing their partner, violence against another human or animal etc. With depression comes FEAR, the feeling of worthlessness, feeling unlovable, just wanting to curl up in a dark corner and thinking that no one cares. I appreciate that what I have just written could upset some people but this is not my intention. Some I hope will be able to identify with these feelings.

 

[ben andrews' girlfriend]

Hopefully this tragedy can actually bring some positive change to the stigma attached to depression.

I've been in and out of the depression world since I was about 16, and it's horrible. It's more than just "pulling yourself together" or by "thinking of nice things" - it's an illness, and a bloody awful one at that. My depression can hit me like a bus, I can literally be walking in a supermarket feeling fine, and then get this feeling like I've been hit, and it affects me for a long time after. For many people it feels different, for me at my worst, it feels like I'm in a deep, deep pit, and cannot get out. Fortunately I have never been so long as to contemplate suicide, although I have had the thoughts of "what if I wasn't here anymore", but never been to the stage where I'd do anything, and I can't imagine what brings people to that final step. My friend committed suicide coming up to 2 years ago, and she had been planning it for weeks before, even posting cryptic messages on facebook before and leaving a suicide note on there before she died. Whether we could have helped or not, no-one knows. The news of Gary Speed brought that all back last night, and it really affected me.

As has been said here, talking is absolutely vital, even if you talk to someone who you don't know. Charities such as the Samaritans and Mind are influential, and life savers. Also, do not be afraid to take anti-depressants, they really do help.

Stan Collymore has been writing really candidly and honestly about his struggles on his Twitter page. Here's the link: Twitter

 

[wunt be druv]

The question about the difference between just feeling down or suffering depression has baffled many and is very difficult to answer. May be it comes down to the way one behaves ie doing things obsessively, which could be over eating, using drugs/alcohol, shopping, sex, abusing their partner, violence against another human or animal etc. With depression comes FEAR, the feeling of worthlessness, feeling unlovable, just wanting to curl up in a dark corner and thinking that no one cares. I appreciate that what I have just written could upset some people but this is not my intention. Some I hope will be able to identify with these feelings.

You have done a very positive thing,you can see from the feedback on the post you started,a lot of people are both directly and indirectly affected by the horrors of depression and getting it out in the open and discussing it will help many,many people.Good luck with your battle to overcome it,always remember that even total strangers,like myself, are right behind you,wishing you well.

 

[Seagull Steve]

I wasn't going to say anything about my actual state when I felt suicidal on an open forum, but as this is so important, I have decided to. I will try and keep this short.

My life has been blighted by depression since my school days. I have never been able to put my finger on the reason for this. Right through my teenage years, I was in and out of depression, but apart from one occasion I declined any medication for the illness. I worked from the day I left school, so I had money, done ok with girlfriends, had great mates and of course through my teenage years the Albion had its best ever spell. Anyway fast forwarding to meeting my future wife, we were very happy and things moved on. We went on to have three lovely children. All through this I was in and out of spells of either mild or deep bouts of depression. But I had long spells of feeling what I thought was normal, so thought I was coming through this awful illness. Then at the age of 34 I started feeling tired and run down, but soldiered on with my job and being a husband and father. But the tiredness got worse and I went to the doctor and was put on a high dose of Prozac. My mood lifted, but the tiredness continued and then I was suddenly feeling pains in my legs and across my shoulders. To cut a long story shorter, this was the start of my disability. Within three short years I had gone from working for Brighton and Hove council as a dustman and chief earner for the family, to a disabled person who went from a walking stick to a wheelchair within three years. Obviously this had a very detrimental affect on my depression, which came back with a vengeance. On the outside I thought I was being myself and tried to be happy around loved ones. But in reality I was a snappy moody bastard. I went through the why me stage, and the I'm feeling so sorry for myself stage, which I thought was very hard to deal with. But after a year or so, the reality of the situation hit me like an express train. I felt useless as a husband, as a Father, as friend and as a man I suppose. Things started going through my mind about how much of a burden I was on my family. I just couldn't see that they still loved me. All I could think is I am useless and will become more and more so. My wife started seeming more like my nurse, and my kids more like my helpers. In the end I was so so low, I didn't think life was worth living (a totally selfish feeling I know) I had been contemplating how to end things, but nothing came of it, until one night I was lying in pain and feeling surprisingly numb, I struggled out of bed and actually got partially dressed, and made my way towards our front door. I didn't have a clue where I was going or what I was doing, I only knew that this was to be the last time I went through that door. What happened next was unbelievable, almost a sign even though I don't really believe in all that. But as my hand was on the door latch, my youngest daughter aged 11 at the time, coughed in her sleep and I said bye bye darling. Then I found myself on the floor sobbing my heart out. I don't remember falling down or anything, just thinking how could I do this to my children? My wife insisted I went to the doctors, who the referred me to the mental health team. The rest of that week was just a haze. I was put on sedatives to I assume stop me from be able to do anything stupid to myself. I can write and write about my feelings, but I expect you are bored already. I am sitting here in floods of tears and have taken over an hour to write this. But you can, and will come out the other side feeling stronger and grateful that you are alive. I still have serious bouts of depression and am on the highest dose of medication I can be on, but now I know, I have an extremely loving family and circle of friends to lean on when I need too.
I am one of the lucky ones, as I am still here to tell my tale. To those of you who are not rest peacefully now forever.

 

[turienzo's lovechild]

Can I ask - may sound really naive but I'm being serious - what does being depressed mean? How is it different from having a shitty few days? A close mate of mine died last thursday and of course im down about it but i wouldnt consider myself depressed - whats the difference?

i guess the difference is that feeling down because you've lost a close friend is a perfectly normal reaction to something horrible

personally i found that my emotions were completely out of sync.........for example when my gran died i felt absolutely no emotion about it whatsoever........however the day before she died i burst into tears because i burnt my toast!

it's hard to describe because i'm a different person now, and i've tried to block out those awful years from my memory as much as possible.......but i sometimes found it impossible to get out of bed.......i wanted to, but my head was basically telling me "whats the point? you haven't got anything to do if you get out of bed........so don't".....that cycle is so hard to snap out of.

you also take no pleasure in doing anything........my friends would try and get me to go out with them, but i just didn't want to even though i knew i'd probably enjoy it

because i wasn't doing anything i'd take no pride in my appearance at all........now, i'm a good looking guy but i'll tell you know i looked like shit most of the time

it's very hard to snap out of, medication will help a bit but i found therapy most effective, as it helped me to be able to talk about my problems more

this is just from a personal viewpoint......the thing about mental illness is that it effects people in different ways, so every case is unique