Crazy Landlady

[Les Biehn]

Shower sitting down as there is no shower curtain and any water that hits the wall will cause damp
Don't dry clothes in the house as this will cause damp
Don't cook in a saucepan without a lid as it causes damp
Don't wear your shoes in the house as it damages the fabric of the house
Don't run up the stairs as it damages the fabric of the house
Don't slam doors as it damages the fabris of the house
Don't use the oven more than twice a week
Don't make any noise between 11 and 8 as these are her sleeping hours
Don't use more than 2 sheets of toilet roll per wipe
Have to have your window open at night otherwise it will cause damp
She decides when the heating goes on and off
Should use a laundrette
She can go into my room anytime she likes to pull the blind up or open the window

No, not a prisoner of war camp, just the house I am living in. None of this was mentioned before I moved in and neither was the extra £20 a month for bills. Luckily I am moving out in 2 weeks.

Now the thing is I snapped today and had a go back after she called my habits strange. You know that one where you do washing during the day and when it's dry bring it back in. She went mental and said that I was immature, childish and the universe doesn't revolve around me. Now is it me or does she seem like a bit of an arse? She had me doubting myself.

 

[csider]

f***ing Estate & Letting Agents are all wankers thread

Bunch of cnuts, as for landlords/ladys, dont get me started on those arseholes.

 

[Les Biehn]

f***ing Estate & Letting Agents are all wankers thread

Bunch of cnuts, as for landlords/ladys, dont get me started on those arseholes.

She is neither an Estate Agent or a Letting Agent. She is just an arsehole.

 

[Jimmy Grimble]

What an arse she sounds.

 

[Questions]

Shower sitting down as there is no shower curtain and any water that hits the wall will cause damp
Don't dry clothes in the house as this will cause damp
Don't cook in a saucepan without a lid as it causes damp
Don't wear your shoes in the house as it damages the fabric of the house
Don't run up the stairs as it damages the fabric of the house
Don't slam doors as it damages the fabris of the house
Don't use the oven more than twice a week
Don't make any noise between 11 and 8 as these are her sleeping hours
Don't use more than 2 sheets of toilet roll per wipe
Have to have your window open at night otherwise it will cause damp
She decides when the heating goes on and off
Should use a laundrette
She can go into my room anytime she likes to pull the blind up or open the window

No, not a prisoner of war camp, just the house I am living in. None of this was mentioned before I moved in and neither was the extra £20 a month for bills. Luckily I am moving out in 2 weeks.

Now the thing is I snapped today and had a go back after she called my habits strange. You know that one where you do washing during the day and when it's dry bring it back in. She went mental and said that I was immature, childish and the universe doesn't revolve around me. Now is it me or does she seem like a bit of an arse? She had me doubting myself.

She seems a clever, intuiative individual

 

[HampshireSeagulls]

Shower sitting down as there is no shower curtain and any water that hits the wall will cause damp
Don't dry clothes in the house as this will cause damp
Don't cook in a saucepan without a lid as it causes damp
Don't wear your shoes in the house as it damages the fabric of the house
Don't run up the stairs as it damages the fabric of the house
Don't slam doors as it damages the fabris of the house
Don't use the oven more than twice a week
Don't make any noise between 11 and 8 as these are her sleeping hours
Don't use more than 2 sheets of toilet roll per wipe
Have to have your window open at night otherwise it will cause damp
She decides when the heating goes on and off
Should use a laundrette
She can go into my room anytime she likes to pull the blind up or open the window

No, not a prisoner of war camp, just the house I am living in. None of this was mentioned before I moved in and neither was the extra £20 a month for bills. Luckily I am moving out in 2 weeks.

Now the thing is I snapped today and had a go back after she called my habits strange. You know that one where you do washing during the day and when it's dry bring it back in. She went mental and said that I was immature, childish and the universe doesn't revolve around me. Now is it me or does she seem like a bit of an arse? She had me doubting myself.

So, on the last day at around 7 in the morning, you go into the garden, wrapped in damp clothes. Make sure you run up and down stairs a few times to get her attention. Finally, take a huuuuuge shit in the middle of the garden, and use an entire loo roll to wipe your arse.


Then, wipe a £20 note up the crack of your arse, hand it over, and say nicely "that should cover the bills, luv".

 

[Simon Morgan]

That is absolutely ridiculous, wouldn't have taken me long to go a bit mental.

 

[Billy the Fish]

I'm assuming she hasn't had sex for quite some time, sounds like a complete loon.

 

[Les Biehn]

She spends all day on youtube and looking up conspiracy theory websites while getting caned and drinking pear cider. She constantly forgets about the rent she has been paid and continues to bother me for money.

She also said I am inconsiderate because my leaving means she can't go on holiday. The thing is I did give her a months notice and the reason I'm moving out is because she is crazy.

 

[Barrow Boy]

She is neither an Estate Agent or a Letting Agent. She is just an arsehole.

Mmmmmmm, gonna leave her any presents LB ? I know I would.

 

[Les Biehn]

I think a stair running/door slamming olympics will take place at some point. All in appropriate footwear of course. Clogs?

 

[Questions]

She spends all day on youtube and looking up conspiracy theory websites while getting caned and drinking pear cider. She constantly forgets about the rent she has been paid and continues to bother me for money.

She also said I am inconsiderate because my leaving means she can't go on holiday. The thing is I did give her a months notice and the reason I'm moving out is because she is crazy.

Check the cellar...........

 

[footychick]

I think a stair running/door slamming olympics will take place at some point. All in appropriate footwear of course. Clogs?

It would probably best if you get your deposit back first!

 

[gripper stebson]

Les - I understand after my beer with Nibble this evening that she has a 19 year old daughter.... so there something you could do before you go!

Leave her the polaroids in with your last rent cheque.

 

[csider]

Place some fish in lining of curtains or under carpet, just an idea.

 

[Les Biehn]

Les - I understand after my beer with Nibble this evening that she has a 19 year old daughter.... so there something you could do before you go!

Leave her the polaroids in with your last rent cheque.

I would say the seduction of a 19 year old girl was within my capabilities.

 

[clapham_gull]

I had the same experience (frightening similiar) years ago as a student in London.

I was desperate and had to shack up with this daft old bat in Barking.

Two rules stick to mind.

1) Do not bring your own toilet paper into the house.

2) Do not take mugs into the toilet or bathroom areas.

I managed quite easily not to break those. I remember her having her front foor moved a couple of feet to the right, because she didn't like where it was.

She also refused to believe anything unless it was written in the Daily Mail (honestly) and disbelieved the BBC because "it was full of communists". This was at the height of Thatcherism / Fear of the Looney Left etc... and I think she feared a revolution was coming.

When Mrs Thatcher resigned she refused to believe me until the Daily Mail came through the door the next day.

I had to ring her up to tell her if I wasn't coming home else she'd ring my parents up (I had to give her the number is case of "an emergency..")

Absolute nuts.

 

[Adam Virgo's Shirt]

Wow! Nibble sounds very high maintenance

 

[clapham_gull]

The "damp" thing rings a bell as well.

I used to live with a bloke (who owned the flat) whose flat was damp.

Basically an ex-council authority place which hadn't been well maintained.

He refused to be told that the "damp" wasn't being caused by the windows being closed. His logic being that the condensation on the windows seemed to go away when they were open.

So there we sat week in week out, with no heating and open windows.

( The heating was somehow responsible for the damp as well )

 

[Les Biehn]

What is it will Looney's and damp? Perhaps they have water on the brain?