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Banned
Number 1) If you like football, you must be good at playing it: According to most people I know, just because I can name the 4 Champions League qualifiers from the EPL last season, I must be some kind of footballing god incarnate. My colleagues recently nearly choked on their Man United waterbottles during the second minute of a 5 a side kick about (it's just for fun, don't you know) when I collapsed to the floor and turned a deep shade of mauve.... "Oh wow you're awful.... but I thought you liked football?? Why can't you play better?" Now if only being able to name all FA Cup Winners from circa 1952 gave me a new pair of knees or returned me to fitness levels before I discovered £1.50 a drink night at my regular haunt, maybe we could finally abandon the NHS.
2) (This applies to you womenfolk) If I'm quiet, I'm in a bad mood. No, maybe I just have nothing to say. Not plotting how I'm going to stab you through the pulmonary arteries with a screwdriver anytime soon. Although if you keep asking me, I may reconsider.
3) If you don't understand modern art, you're an ignorant, ill-educated dinosaur. No it's just shit.
4) If you've been silly enough to drop a bit of food down the front of your clothing, you already feel a bit of a tit. So why oh why do people assume I Haven't noticed and feel the need to point it out. Not just one or two, but everyone. Ooh I'm sorry, is this morning's broccoli and salmon quiche going to sprout legs, jump off my shirt and violently attack you then? You FUCKERS.
2) (This applies to you womenfolk) If I'm quiet, I'm in a bad mood. No, maybe I just have nothing to say. Not plotting how I'm going to stab you through the pulmonary arteries with a screwdriver anytime soon. Although if you keep asking me, I may reconsider.
3) If you don't understand modern art, you're an ignorant, ill-educated dinosaur. No it's just shit.
4) If you've been silly enough to drop a bit of food down the front of your clothing, you already feel a bit of a tit. So why oh why do people assume I Haven't noticed and feel the need to point it out. Not just one or two, but everyone. Ooh I'm sorry, is this morning's broccoli and salmon quiche going to sprout legs, jump off my shirt and violently attack you then? You FUCKERS.