Comedy T/V one-liners

[Scoffers]

The Del and Trig routine where they're looking to chat up some women in a bar, and Del falls through the opening in the bar, ruining his attempt at "cool"

Laugh out load every time

And also, Monty Python and the search for the Holy Grail, where the king chops the knights arms and legs off, but the knight still doesnt give up, so he says

"What are you going to do, bleed on me?"

Too funny

 

[bhafc99]

The Del and Trig routine where they're looking to chat up some women in a bar, and Del falls through the opening in the bar, ruining his attempt at "cool"

Laugh out load every time

Is a classic moment, but it's not really a one-liner though.

 

[The Large One]

Yet more porridge, but again not strickly a one-liner.

Dr - "Now Fletcher, can you fill up that specimen bottle". (pointing to the one on a table, a few feet away).

Fletch - "Wot from here"?.

That line was written by Dick Clement and Ian La Frenais, who were drafted in to d the screenplay for the maverick 1981 James Bond film 'Never Say Never Again'. They used the same line in that film.

 

[gripper stebson]

Brent is singing Freelove Freeway and playing his guitar. Tim walks all the way over to the camera and says...

"He went home to get it."

My favourite line from the Office.

 

[Hannibal smith]

Rodney Marsh is a dick but this has always made me laugh

Marsh's England career was ended prematurely after he made a sarcastic comment to the then England manager, Alf Ramsey. Ramsey told him: ‘If you don’t work hard enough, I’ll pull you off at half time.’ To which Marsh replied ‘That’s incredible, Alf. At City, we just get an orange and a Cup of Tea.’ He was never selected for the England team again

 

[Charles 'Charley' Charles]

From Mr Jolly Lives Next Door

Morning Mr Jolly

Mr Jolly - f*** Off


Anything from The Yob

 

[Jesus Gul]

or Funseekers

...what i want to know...is where was my invite?

 

[Gully]

From blackadder:

"Treat your kite like you treat your woman, get into it 5 times a day and take it to heaven and back"