Church Of The Albion

[Mendoza]

Saturdays Service:

Song 1: Sussex By The Sea
Song 2: Brighton Aces

A Reading from the Gospel according to Leon

Song 3: P-A-L-A-C-E
Song 4: One Danny Cullip

Communion:

Song 5: Posh Spice is a Slapper
Song 6: Guy Guy Guy Butters

A reading from the gospel according to Bobby

Song 7: Aaalllllbbbbiiiooonnn Aaaaalllllbiiiooonn

Prayer

Prayer: Blow the whistle Ref

Song 8: 2-0 to the Albion

End of Service

 

[Everest]

If the font is overflowing, will mass be postponed due to a flooded floor?

Will non-believers have a separate section?

Will the services be transmitted on Segulls World for those on holiday or unlucky enough not to get in?

Who does the catering? I don't fancy a McLast McSupper.

 

[SussexSpur]

You missed out the ceremonial crucifixion of Norman Baker, surely. . . (sorry, no time for a resurrection in this time-pressed schedule, I'm afraid, Norm. . .)

 

[Lush]

Forgive me father for I have sinned. Not once but many times. A-hem.

I have taken your name in vain most Saturdays. I have seen Guy Butters rise from the dead. I have seen Kerry Mayo cast out into the wilderness. I have seen with mine own eyes that in F Block there is much wailing and gnashing of teeth.

You have seen fit to punish us last night with a missed penalty by Tranmere. All I am asking is that you now look kindly upon us.

For thine is the power to turn this season around. The glory of Division One. Forever and ever. Amen.

PS Jesus Saves. Knight scores from the rebound.

 

[oapdodge]

Will Krispies be the choir leader ?

I will play with my organ.If I have too.Anyone want to pump it up ?

 

[The Clown of Pevensey Bay]

Our Falmer, which art in Heaven
Hereford be thy game
Thy Kit Napier come
Thy Ward be done
On turf as it was in '97

Give us this Digweed Chivers Byrne
Forgive us our Tiltmans
Foz thine be the Storer
Zamora and ever
Our Des.

 

[Lush]

mendoza 10 how could you forget this one?

"Mine eyes have seen the glory of the coming of the Lord
He plays for Brighton & Hove Albion and his name is Peter Ward
Defenders tell in fear of the goals that he has scored
And the stripes go marching on, on, on!

Glory, glory, Brighton & Hove Albion
Glory, glory, Brighton & Hove Albion
Glory, glory, Brighton & Hove Albion
And the stripes go marching on, on, on!"

 

[Stumpy Tim]

Will the people at the front be allowed to get up 5 minutes from the end & watch from the back?

Will Reverend Prosser accuse church-goers of calling him names?

 

[Lady Bracknell]

Will the most Miserable of All Sinners be required to do terrible penitences in front of the congregation? And will the vicar let us conceal stones and pointy sticks within our surplices on those occasions?

And, armed with thse righteous relics, might we make the Sinners first perform a psalm of penitence?

Order of Service

Sinners:
Psalm No. 5625
When I look back upon my life
It's always with a sense of shame
I'm still the one you need to blame.

For everything we tried to do
Include Bellotti in this too
We tried to kill your club for you

It was, it was, it was, was our sin

Congregation:
"Tiptoe, through the South Stand, with your boots on..."

 

[Lush]

Everybody!.....

"There is a green hill far away
Inside a city wall
Where Palace will be crucified
Falmer For All"


Followed by A “Let’s Av Some’ Passion Play for Easter

Cast:
God – Dick Knight
Mary – Martin Perry
Son of God – Jake Robinson
Satan – Danny Cullip
Satan’s Little Helper – Charlie Oatway
Prodigal Son – Simon Rodger
Jonah – Nathan Jones
The Whale – Guy Butters

 

[Tom Hark Preston Park]

Which is the most blessed cheesemaker?

 

[SussexSpur]

Everybody!.....

"There is a green hill far away
Inside a city wall
Where Palace will be crucified
Falmer For All"


Followed by A “Let’s Av Some’ Passion Play for Easter

Cast:
God – Dick Knight
Mary – Martin Perry
Son of God – Jake Robinson
Satan – Danny Cullip
Satan’s Little Helper – Charlie Oatway
Prodigal Son – Simon Rodger
Jonah – Nathan Jones
The Whale – Guy Butters

None of you'll trust the Revelations in the Argus though!

 

[Lady Bracknell]

None of you'll trust the Revelations in the Argus though!

Anyone faithfully following the parables of those False Prophets deserves to be naylored to the Cross.

 

[tedebear]

this thread title brings back a few memories of a classic thread a long long time ago!!

 

[rool]

Our Danny
Who's head is shaven
Hallowed be his name
2 Champs he won
He swore for fun
at pethick who hailed from Devon
and come what may, he stopped with his head
and he forgives lee for his missed passes as he
assualts those who get past against him
and lead us not into another relegation
but deliver us from withdeam
amen

 

[Seagull's Return]

In the name of the Ward our God, can we not stop half the congregation f***ing off ten minutes before the end?

 

[timseagull]

Bring on the midnight mass I say after we've all fallen out the pub.

 

[mona]

Are the Falmer Residents slaves to Satan ?

 

[tedebear]

Are the Falmer Residents slaves to Satan ?

can we lock them in the crypt and poke them with sticks whilst sniggering at them??

*joke*

 

[Lady Bracknell]

can we lock them in the crypt and poke them with sticks whilst sniggering at them??

*joke*

No, they already get their kicks from that sort of thing.

But could the Archbishop of the Church of the Albion invite that heretical ringleader - the landlord of the Swan - to walk on water in order to demonstrate the soundness of his opposition to the stadium?

There's a very handy duckpond....