Christmas Cracker Jokes Wanted

[Cadman]

Its our turn to provide the christmas crackers this year, so I thought I'd insert some 'naughty but nice' jokes into the crackers to get everyone laughing over the turkey.

All suggestions welcome

 

[¤DãŃn¥ §êãGüLL¤]

Buy some?

 

[Cadman]

We've bought the crackers, but I wanted to liven up the crap jokes.

 

[¤DãŃn¥ §êãGüLL¤]

How do you get them out?

 

[H2O]

What do you call a woman with one leg shorter than the other??

Eileen!!!!

 

[Digweeds Trousers]

Whats the difference between London Bridge and The White cliffs of Dover?

One is a large brick construction and the other is a natural clay-based geographical landmark.


And for when the booze is really flowing.....


How many priests does it take to change a lightbulb.

One.


Classis jokes for the whole family to enjoy.

 

[Eddie the Seagull]

How did Darth Vader know what Luke got for Christmas?




He felt his prescence.


BOOM BOOM!

 

[H2O]

How did Darth Vader know what Luke got for Christmas?




He felt his prescence.


BOOM BOOM!

No Eddie you got that wrong its did you hear about the two elephants that walked off a cliff??

Boom Boom

 

[The Large One]

Whats the difference between London Bridge and The White cliffs of Dover?

One is a large brick construction and the other is a natural clay-based geographical landmark.


And for when the booze is really flowing.....


How many priests does it take to change a lightbulb.

One.


Classis jokes for the whole family to enjoy.

Clay? Don't you mean chalk?

 

[Eddie the Seagull]

No Eddie you got that wrong its did you hear about the two elephants that walked off a cliff??

Boom Boom

OK.......

What do you call a guy with a rabbit stuck up his arse?





Warren.

 

[Cadman]

Thanks lads......keep 'em coming

 

[Croydonbloke]

You may know this.

Did you here about the two Paddys going to a sperm bank in London.
One missed the tube.
And the came on the bus.

See ya

 

[fatfingers]

when is a fairy not a fairy?
when shes blowing her fella , then she's a goblin


taxi

 

[Digweeds Trousers]

Knock Knock.

Who's there?

David.

David who?

It's David, from next door, I need some help as my wife has slipped and fallen down the stairs.

Ok, no problem. Have you called an ambulance?

Yes, it's on its way. I am worried though as they seemed unsure of my address.

I know, I have the same problem with registered post. I keep having to go to the post office to collect it. Anyway, enough of that. Lets go and see if your wife is OK.

Good idea. Follow me.

 

[Minghawk]

what do you call a donkey with 3 legs?

A wonkey!

TAXI!

 

[Marc]

when is a fairy not a fairy?
when shes blowing her fella , then she's a goblin


taxi

Brilliant!

My One:

A fish swims into a wall



DAM!

 

[murray]

Why did the baker have brown hands
.
.
.
.
Because he kneaded a pooh

 

[Kev the Ape]

What green and brown and if it fell out of a tree it would kill you?........... A snooker Table.

 

[Tom Hark Preston Park]

What's good King Wenceslas's favourite pizza?

Deep pan, crisp'n'even

 

[Lord Bracknell]

Did you hear about the hypochondriac who went to a champagne party?