[News] Breaking Wind

[Questions]

Well not exactly a boffin but I am led to believe that it is due to men having a faster metabolism than women. Men, with different muscle mass, burn through fat reserves more quickly, using more energy for activity and storing less fat. Coupled with higher amounts of testosterone, which helps to burn more calories and creates a quicker metabolism. Women are predisposed to store energy for certain activities, pregnancy, breast feeding etc and burn less fat.
So, it looks like we men pass our intake more quickly and hence there is more ' gas ' to come out, more quickly. I know that I ' dump ' far more regularly than any woman I have ever known. Used to work with one, who was lucky to go once every 4-5 days. The women can let theirs out much more slowly, quietly and a damn site less smelly.

That reminds me years ago I took a girl out to a cafe for a bite and as we were just getting seated I asked if I could push her stool in. I remember her replying that we should see how lunch went first.

 

[Questions]

They have a special cream for it , if you can be arsed to hunt through her 80 pots of different lotions potions and creams in the bathroom cabinet , that's the thing in the bathroom that your not allowed to put your bottle of Lynx Africa in , there WILL be a item with no label , that undoubtedly will be the Gucci Arse number 7 anti honk cream .

No labelling is dangerous. I went to gargle from the Gaviscon bottle a few weeks back and it was Calamine lotion........ that is a true story Tay.

 

[Normal Rob]

I once did a guff so bad my wife threw up.

 

[Questions]

I once did a guff so bad my wife threw up.

Happens a lot during fellatio Rob...... don’t worry.

 

[Normal Rob]

Happens a lot during fellatio Rob...... don’t worry.

You misread. I said 'wife'

 

[jackanada]

I've never topped the fart I did just before a french lesson (not euphemism) at school.
Had been in France over weekend and eaten at a Mexican and a Chinese there. Came back Sunday night and topped off on cheese and grandma's pickled onions before bed.
Just before 1st lesson Monday morning let rip a gigantic guff that sent 90 people running for cover choking and opening Windows and doors as they went. Apart from the weapons grade stench it even lent a polarising effect to the air. 40 minutes later it was still pungent enough to make people choke.
Absolute worldy.

 

[Barrow Boy]

Back in the mid 70's I was working for the, now defunct, supermarket chain Keymarkets. I had just finished their management training course and had been promoted to Assistant Manager at one of their Stores. On my first day the manager showed me round and introduced me to the staff, the last stop was the small cash office where I had been allocated a desk at the back of it. I spoke briefly to the two ladies working in there before the manager gave me some forms to read and sign before leaving me alone with them. Feeling a bit nervous and shy I was relieved when the head cashier turned to me and asked nicely what stores I had worked at before. My desk had a swivel chair so I swung round to face her, legs akimbo trying to look cool and collected (think of David Brent), and promptly let out a loud fart. I sat there mortified face the colour of beetroot and stammered out an apology before exiting the office at great speed.
Luckily it didn't stink!

 

[MJsGhost]

What I don’t understand is that, especially during lockdown, I’m eating exactly the same food as Mrs EP. However, when I let one rip the smell could kill.a canary in a cage 100 metres away, whereas if she steps on a duck there’s no whiff.

Explain that one boffins.

Well not exactly a boffin but I am led to believe that it is due to men having a faster metabolism than women. Men, with different muscle mass, burn through fat reserves more quickly, using more energy for activity and storing less fat. Coupled with higher amounts of testosterone, which helps to burn more calories and creates a quicker metabolism. Women are predisposed to store energy for certain activities, pregnancy, breast feeding etc and burn less fat.
So, it looks like we men pass our intake more quickly and hence there is more ' gas ' to come out, more quickly. I know that I ' dump ' far more regularly than any woman I have ever known. Used to work with one, who was lucky to go once every 4-5 days. The women can let theirs out much more slowly, quietly and a damn site less smelly.

There will be differences between the type & number of microbes (gut microbiome) in your stomach that are there to aid digestion. Those differences (as well as any physical differences between your stomachs) mean that exactly the same food can create different 'side effects'.

All sorts of things can affect your gut microbiome - from missing out on the initial seeding of microbes as you pass through the birth canal (i.e. if you were born by Caesarean section), to doses of antibiotics taking them out when treating something else. The bad news is that drinking too much alcohol can also start killing off the microbes in your gut (anyone experiencing more satisfying poops after a dry January knows this potentially without actually knowing this )

I'm not a boffin, but I do happen to be married to one

 

[Happy Exile]

I've never topped the fart I did just before a french lesson (not euphemism) at school.
Had been in France over weekend and eaten at a Mexican and a Chinese there. Came back Sunday night and topped off on cheese and grandma's pickled onions before bed.
Just before 1st lesson Monday morning let rip a gigantic guff that sent 90 people running for cover choking and opening Windows and doors as they went. Apart from the weapons grade stench it even lent a polarising effect to the air. 40 minutes later it was still pungent enough to make people choke.
Absolute worldy.

A mate of mine refers to this kind of effort as a "mastodonic fart" in recognition of both its foulness and the imagined rancid gas that'd come from that animal, and the trumpeting that can accompany the release.

 

[One Teddy Maybank]

My Mrs often tells me there is something wrong with me. I don't just fart, it's literally from the second I open my eyes in the morning until I fall asleep again at night, and I probably fart in my sleep too. There's something dead in my anus, it's been there for years.
Usually they don't smell, but after a few beers or usually pasta, they smell like rotten eggs.
My most memorable fart was in a lift in Latvia, dropped my handbag around the third floor and stood in front of the buttons. The smell was horrific, like death and throw up. My dad, uncle and mate were all scrambling for the buttons. 15 floors later and the doors opened, a group of tarted up young ladies exiting the bar we've just arrived at are greeted by 4 grown men fighting and a stench that could gag a maggot.

[emoji23][emoji23] literally crying with laughter

Best ever description on NSC.....


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[AmexRuislip]

Isn't it wonderful that at the ripe old age of 54, I still find anything slightly fart related is hilarious. Even the word Fart can make me laugh when used after a few beers in the company of mates

This still makes me titter, everytime

 

[PTC Gull]

This still makes me titter, everytime

I have tears running down my face after watching that....would love to have the guts to do that in my local Walmart where I think it would be appreciated.

 

[Is it PotG?]

Childish, just childish

 

[DavidinSouthampton]

Isn't it wonderful that at the ripe old age of 54, I still find anything slightly fart related is hilarious. Even the word Fart can make me laugh when used after a few beers in the company of mates

I’m 67 and still the same.

Has anybody come across in Motorway service loos and the like the adverts for Shreddies - not the breakfast cereal but the flatulence controlling underwear.... or at least the smell. They have been hilarious on occasion - an attractive young lady sitting on the back of her boyfriend’s motorbike wearing just bra and pants and saying something like “thanks to Shreddies, I can now really let rip”.

 

[Screaming J]

I have tears running down my face after watching that....would love to have the guts to do that in my local Walmart where I think it would be appreciated.

I've certainly got the guts for it but don't think I'm brave enough!

 

[Harry Wilson's tackle]

What I don’t understand is that, especially during lockdown, I’m eating exactly the same food as Mrs EP. However, when I let one rip the smell could kill.a canary in a cage 100 metres away, whereas if she steps on a duck there’s no whiff.

Explain that one boffins.

https://thechive.com/2020/02/27/thi...biggest-invention-of-the-year-if-not-century/

 

[neilbard]

 

[Paulie Gualtieri]

My Mrs often tells me there is something wrong with me. I don't just fart, it's literally from the second I open my eyes in the morning until I fall asleep again at night, and I probably fart in my sleep too. There's something dead in my anus, it's been there for years.
Usually they don't smell, but after a few beers or usually pasta, they smell like rotten eggs.
My most memorable fart was in a lift in Latvia, dropped my handbag around the third floor and stood in front of the buttons. The smell was horrific, like death and throw up. My dad, uncle and mate were all scrambling for the buttons. 15 floors later and the doors opened, a group of tarted up young ladies exiting the bar we've just arrived at are greeted by 4 grown men fighting and a stench that could gag a maggot.

First time I’ve actually laughed out load reading something on here. [emoji1303]


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[grubbyhands]

I can't vouch for the pungency of it but easily the loudest most spectacular fart I've ever done was whilst wearing a pair of leather motorcycle jeans and sitting on an old church pew in a pub. It was a cross between a 100 decibel yelp and a Bugatti Veyron doing a 100 yard wheelspin. Epic but NO aroma sadly.

 

[zefarelly]

I have tears running down my face after watching that....would love to have the guts to do that in my local Walmart where I think it would be appreciated.

Me too, I needed that.