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Bell Cheeses at work
- Thread starter Iggle Piggle
- Start date
Norman Potting
Well-known member
Bell cheese platinum.
Barham's tash
Well-known member
How blatheringly incompetent is your 'head of team' that they need multiple PAs
Blatheringly. Actually it’s just that his actual one is so incompetent that others have to step in...
METALMICKY
Well-known member
- Jan 30, 2004
- 6,519
You would have ' liked' Health Management who are a big occupational health outfit at Ringmer. It was virtually compulsory to bring your pooch into the office. Ranging from a huge Alsatian to a pack of Labradors round the photo copier.
We've had exactly that recently too. I haven't spoken to a customer since the 1990s.
To be customer centric you have to be customer facing.
Ooooh, no......not at all. Customer centricity should be at the HEART of EVERYTHING we do.
Yep. That's the company I worked for. Thankfully I was only there for 8 months. Then I moved to Canada to get away from them
Lyndhurst 14
Well-known member
- Jan 16, 2008
- 5,198
As it's New York people are obsessed with dogs - so twice a year people in the office are invited to bring their dogs to work. Fine, but the dogs they bring are not what I call proper dogs - they tend to be those little yappy type lapdogs. Then we are all expected to Ooh and Ahh over them. If we so much as drop a paper towel on the floor in the toilets all hell breaks loose, but these little fookers seem able to leave the occasional little package or puddle behind them and no one bats an eyelid. Give me strength
Yes, that sounds about right. I remember walking in to the kitchen one morning to make myself a coffee, and one of the stupid little yappy daschunds had pissed on the floor. How everyone laughed.
I've opened this thread for the first time in weeks, expecting to be REGALED with some top-notch CORONAVIRUS related bellcheesery.
I can't tell you how disappointed I am with you all.
I can't tell you how disappointed I am with you all.
Jim Van Winkle
Well-known member
Don’t blame the dog. We know you pissed on the floor.
Worried Man Blues
Well-known member
Daschund the well known badger hunting dog, be afraid.
Barham's tash
Well-known member
<INSERT APPROPRIATE CRACKING KNUCKLES AND GETTING DOWN TO TYPING GIF HERE>
yes
Funny you should mention that Herr because only today the PA on my team received a whatsapp from our head of compliance of two men in hazmat suits sat in her flat waiting to test her and her partner in view of quarantining them because he came back from their trip to Japan with a runny nose.
I don't need to tell you our PA was off spreading the news round the office quicker than a whippet with a bum full of dynamite. It took about 5 nanoseconds for said news to reach our head of facility management [you may remember him from such posts i've previously made on this thread because someone grassed up my wife (yes we worked together - until she got made redundant - HURRAH all round- two months ago) for telling her boss our daughter had hand foot and mouth and he took that as a sign to instruct our respective department heads that both of us absolutely MUST be sent home for at least TWO WEEKS because its SOOOO contagious [needless to say we weren't and it didn't spread to anyone]
He immediately sent panicked all staff email round instructing anyone leaving the building to take their laptop home in case their results came back positive for coronavirus as he may have to SHUT DOWN the entire building immediately on GOVERNMENTAL advice because the aforementioned head of compliance popped into the office for half an hour on her way back from the airport ten days ago.
Cue relative mass hysteria and creation of several virtual lynchmobs for anyone seen within reaching distance of a tissue or being accused of having 'slightly puffy eyes' (ITS A FRIDAY MORNING FFS so who DOESN'T) plus the usual cry off for anything merchants insisting on why take the risk i'd better SELF QUARANTINE immediately and go home now for fear of having been in contact with another SUPERSPREADER - cheers Sky News - when they haven't/
The hilarity ensued for all of an hour before same PA revealed they'd got the test results back and both were negative....
A great post to get this great thread back on track. I thank you.
I wonder how long it is before firms are forced to give their staff “fence days” to allow them to inspect/carry out their repairs post Storm Ciara/Dennis/Other
Brian Fantana
Well-known member
I've sadly had to avoid this thread for the past couple of months due to the disappointing lack of bellcheesery on display in the office (I've been working from home a lot, so any bellcheesery reported would sadly be of my own making).
Anyway, we've got a relatively new starter in the team who has been moved into our section of the office. She is the sort of person who is incapable of doing ANYTHING without there being some sort of accompanying sound effect. Examples:
1. When she's sitting back down into her chair after walking to the printer, the kitchen or the bathroom she makes a relieved noise like she's just returned from a year-long polar expedition or just finished an ultra-marathon.
2. When an email comes in that will result in her having to do more than 5 seconds work or apply any sort of cerebral effort to the situation then she'll sigh SO loudly and look around for anyone to roll her eyes at with that sort of 'why am I the only person in here that does any meaningful work' expression, which is ironically universally used by those who do the square root of **** all at work.
3. About 5 days after starting in the job, she volunteered to be the floor's fire monitor person (you know, to ensure that we can all walk the c20 metres to the clearly-marked fire exit). Despite the points raised in 1 and 2 above, she takes this role amazingly seriously and has instigated TWO mock evacuations of just our floor over the past 3 weeks. These involve her gathering everyone together and then getting them to move from their desks to the fire exit as quickly and safely as possible. If she thinks that you're not getting to the exit fast enough she'll audibly tut and then email you some specific pointers to improve your evacuation efficiency (her words, not mine). These include things like 'not talking to anyone else whilst you're making your way to the exits' and 'removing hands from pockets'.
If you see news of a workplace rampage in the UK over the next few days, it will most likely be me after being told I could shave a couple of seconds off my time to the fire exit by taking an alternative route.
Anyway, we've got a relatively new starter in the team who has been moved into our section of the office. She is the sort of person who is incapable of doing ANYTHING without there being some sort of accompanying sound effect. Examples:
1. When she's sitting back down into her chair after walking to the printer, the kitchen or the bathroom she makes a relieved noise like she's just returned from a year-long polar expedition or just finished an ultra-marathon.
2. When an email comes in that will result in her having to do more than 5 seconds work or apply any sort of cerebral effort to the situation then she'll sigh SO loudly and look around for anyone to roll her eyes at with that sort of 'why am I the only person in here that does any meaningful work' expression, which is ironically universally used by those who do the square root of **** all at work.
3. About 5 days after starting in the job, she volunteered to be the floor's fire monitor person (you know, to ensure that we can all walk the c20 metres to the clearly-marked fire exit). Despite the points raised in 1 and 2 above, she takes this role amazingly seriously and has instigated TWO mock evacuations of just our floor over the past 3 weeks. These involve her gathering everyone together and then getting them to move from their desks to the fire exit as quickly and safely as possible. If she thinks that you're not getting to the exit fast enough she'll audibly tut and then email you some specific pointers to improve your evacuation efficiency (her words, not mine). These include things like 'not talking to anyone else whilst you're making your way to the exits' and 'removing hands from pockets'.
If you see news of a workplace rampage in the UK over the next few days, it will most likely be me after being told I could shave a couple of seconds off my time to the fire exit by taking an alternative route.
Cian
Well-known member
Parent company (evilsuperglobalmegacorp inc) is shitting itself over that, due to having Asian offices - so all sorts of changes have been pushed through. Our offices are now being cleaned to a standard somewhere approaching acceptable minimums, rather than being let fester. Which is nice.
Barham's tash
Well-known member
Likewise here @ [evilsuperglobalmegacorp II - the new batch].
Really inconsistent policy otherwise whereby senior leaders seem able to jump hither and thither between impacted jurisdictions but mortals are told not to. Presumably the seniors have hemetic bubbles to conduct meetings from/in etc?
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