Bell Cheeses at work

[Saunders]

Out of interest, what sort of industry employs a Chief Risk Officer ?

I bet it's something like Wingsuit flying, Himalayan free climbing or Lion training

Yea because losing your entire life savings is equivalent to free climbing or lion training...

 

[kevo]

I have the misfortune to work with someone like this:

https://twitter.com/RealBobMortimer/status/1214611953315958784

 

[Lower West Stander]

Yep.....same applies to a number of other specific jobs in financial services. You have to approved by, and registered with the FCA in the role, then they can come after you personally if something goes wrong in your area of responsibility. Think their max penalty (bearing in mind you may not have broken the law) is 25% of your personal wealth, plus up to a lifetime ban from the industry

In the case of a CRO, this means in theory, for example, a single rogue trader with a UK Bank in, say, Hong Kong, up to no good, maybe in an organisation with 100,000+ people, can cost a CRO his job, career and a large wodge of cash if the FCA think the CRO hasn’t put in place adequate risk management processes and controls to prevent it.

It’s getting increasingly difficult to get people to take on regulated roles (hence the salaries are usually pretty good) as the regulators are going after people quite regularly.

As someone who works in the markets, it still amazes me how little clue these back office regulatory types have on what actually goes on day to day.

Some of the directives we get are simply unenforceable. And none of them have ever done front office jobs so just don’t know what it entails.

Our CRO is a highly efficient and decent guy but what motivates him to do it is beyond me.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

 

[8049]

Bird table meetings anyone? Seems to be a thing in one of the basket case sites that I work on fom time to time

WTF?? I can't even begin to work out what a bird table meeting might be - unless it's at a company that designs and builds bird tables.

 

[pasty]

WTF?? I can't even begin to work out what a bird table meeting might be - unless it's at a company that designs and builds bird tables.

Although not referred to as bird tables, I'm guessing it's something similar to what we have in my office. Chest high round tables that people stand at rather than sit, for quick discussions on an issue?

 

[Papa Lazarou]

Although not referred to as bird tables, I'm guessing it's something similar to what we have in my office. Chest high round tables that people stand at rather than sit, for quick discussions on an issue?

I assume there's food available? Nuts and fat balls?

 

[Moshe Gariani]

Through my job I have just become acquainted with someone who is regularly using the dreaded "...reach out....." phrase without a hint of irony and without without being a member of the Four Tops either!

It's a lovely moment, isn't it? Happened to me in an e-mail from a colleague before Christmas. Fortunately the bloke was already a confirmed BC so it it hasn't casued any problem - just very pleasing.

How on earth can ANYONE use that phrase unless they are taking the piss...?

 

[PoG]

Chest high round tables that people stand at rather than sit, for quick discussions on an issue?

Also known as a "stand up". So very agile.

 

[narly101]

Getting increasingly pissed off with people using "yourself", "ourselves" etc to sound more intelligent than they actually do, but in writing it, show how utterly bellcheesery worthy they are;

"We'd like to reach out to yourself. We have a helicopter view of the situation and thing that drawing up a straw man approach would be beneficial to ourselves"

****tards

 

[dazzer6666]

As someone who works in the markets, it still amazes me how little clue these back office regulatory types have on what actually goes on day to day.

Some of the directives we get are simply unenforceable. And none of them have ever done front office jobs so just don’t know what it entails.

Our CRO is a highly efficient and decent guy but what motivates him to do it is beyond me.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

I’m a ‘back office regulatory type’ these days but have been on both sides of the fence over the years.......

Think the role of the Chief Compliance Officer is even worse than the CRO. Can literally be personally liable for anyone in the firm breaching regulations anywhere - have seen numerous examples of CCOs being personally investigated by Regulators, long after the perpetrator of the original ‘offence’ has gone.

 

[WATFORD zero]

I’m a ‘back office regulatory type’ these days but have been on both sides of the fence over the years.......

Think the role of the Chief Compliance Officer is even worse than the CRO. Can literally be personally liable for anyone in the firm breaching regulations anywhere - have seen numerous examples of CCOs being personally investigated by Regulators, long after the perpetrator of the original ‘offence’ has gone.

You can certainly see the benefits of trying to formalise the blame structure prior to the event. (And, for once, I'm being serious).

Back in my day, they were simply called middle Management

 

[dazzer6666]

True...

 

[Horses Arse]

Although not referred to as bird tables, I'm guessing it's something similar to what we have in my office. Chest high round tables that people stand at rather than sit, for quick discussions on an issue?

That's the one - some folk just have to have a special name for such discussions though

 

[pasty]

That's the one - some folk just have to have a special name for such discussions though

Just known just as a "stand up" in my office. eg, "Can we all just get together on a stand up for this please"

Equally cringeworthy I think.

 

[Norman Potting]

You can certainly see the benefits of trying to formalise the blame structure prior to the event. (And, for once, I'm being serious).

Back in my day, they were simply called middle Management

During my brief railway career (an industry that thrives on acronyms) there was a very amusing parody piece written by somebody regarding incident reporting. It established a role known as the "PTB" - Person to Blame - which tended to me the nearest and most junior person closest to the misdemeanour!

 

[WATFORD zero]

During my brief railway career (an industry that thrives on acronyms) there was a very amusing parody piece written by somebody regarding incident reporting. It established a role known as the "PTB" - Person to Blame - which tended to me the nearest and most junior person closest to the misdemeanour!

I know exactly what you mean. One truth that has never changed is that junior people can only make small cock ups. For major ones (like TSBs recent availability issues) it takes incompetence at a seriously senior level.

That simple fact isn't always taken well though

 

[Badger]

It's a lovely moment, isn't it? Happened to me in an e-mail from a colleague before Christmas. Fortunately the bloke was already a confirmed BC so it it hasn't casued any problem - just very pleasing.

How on earth can ANYONE use that phrase unless they are taking the piss...?

My boss has started using "reach out" quite a lot recently. It's unfortunate because I really like my boss. He's from Serbia and English isn't his first language, so I'm willing to give him the benefit of the doubt.

Just known just as a "stand up" in my office. eg, "Can we all just get together on a stand up for this please"

Equally cringeworthy I think.

We have a "stand up" meeting every morning (the same at previous companies too). I've never thought of it as too BC though. It does literally describe what we do.

 

[Seagull27]

My boss has started using "reach out" quite a lot recently. It's unfortunate because I really like my boss. He's from Serbia and English isn't his first language, so I'm willing to give him the benefit of the doubt.



We have a "stand up" meeting every morning (the same at previous companies too). I've never thought of it as too BC though. It does literally describe what we do.

I overheard a meeting while in a car with a colleague, where one member was complaining that their daily stand-up meetings were taking too long, as people were trying to discuss and solve problems during the stand-ups. He said they should be organising separate meetings for each of these different things to discuss them, each of which was only a 5 minute discussion.

He was being particularly bell cheesy about it, but I could sort of see his point - until he suggested that they pass a stick round the meeting and only the person holding the stick was allowed to talk.

 

[Papa Lazarou]

I overheard a meeting while in a car with a colleague, where one member was complaining that their daily stand-up meetings were taking too long, as people were trying to discuss and solve problems during the stand-ups. He said they should be organising separate meetings for each of these different things to discuss them, each of which was only a 5 minute discussion.

He was being particularly bell cheesy about it, but I could sort of see his point - until he suggested that they pass a stick round the meeting and only the person holding the stick was allowed to talk.

Standups aren't for solutionizing.

 

[Easy 10]

Through my job I have just become acquainted with someone who is regularly using the dreaded "...reach out....." phrase without a hint of irony and without without being a member of the Four Tops either!

I'm going to own up to committing a heinous act of BC here last month.

I'm quite known in this office for DESPISING that bloody "reach out" phrase, due to the fact I'll call out anyone inside or outside the organisation for putting it in an email to me. I even have the Four Tops meme printed and pinned to a noticeboard near me.

At some point last month I was in a prolonged, tedious telephone conversation with one of our clients, and I'm not proud of what happened. During this convo, whilst idly pouring a canned drink into a glass, I just went into autopilot to wrap the call up and casually said something along the lines of:

"Leave it with me, I'll reach out to Jenny later and get her to send you the numbers"

I froze. The office fell silent. All typing suddenly stopped, you could've heard a pin drop. There was an audible gasp from HR. Birds took flight and scattered from the trees outside. The lights momentarily flickered as my world lurched on its axis. I felt a sickly bile rising from the depths of my lower intestine. I gingerly put the phone down, and glanced up at the stunned faces around me, some of them regarding me with a barely contained, satisfied glee.

"Wow. Sorry all, can't believe that. I wasn't really thinking. That just somehow slipped out" I said. "I have no idea how. I think I...I think I was just distracted ?"

The damage had been done though. I got up and went to the handicapped toilet, where after several retches I eventually gathered myself and went back to my desk, but still feeling sick and dirty. Its not the same now - it never can be. Never again can I wield that particular weapon against bellcheesery in the office - because after everything, it turns out I AM one of those bellcheeses. Its inside me. Somehow, I've become infected.

I think, upon reflection, I should probably retire from this thread.