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Ashes jokes
- Thread starter Ringmer Seagull
- Start date
User removed 4
New member
"Why can no-one drink wine in Australia at the moment? They haven't got any openers ..."
German prisoner of war camp in 1942, the commandant turned to the Englishman, Australian and the Jew and said "today gentleman we will play cricket. Pointing to the Englishman "You will Captain England" Pointing to the Australian "you will captain Australia"
The Jewish fellow looking a bit perplexed enquired what part he would be playing. The commandant replied "You will be the Ashes"
The Jewish fellow looking a bit perplexed enquired what part he would be playing. The commandant replied "You will be the Ashes"
attila
1997 Club
On our way back from Exeter on Monday, driving down that stretch of the a27 that is only a couple of miles from Ford Prison, it did occur to me that an enterprising coach company could start running trips there for UK based Aussie expats. Not for the usual cliche convict-related reasons, but simply so that they could get a glimpse of the ashes.
Aussie skipper Michael Clarker has quit T20 cricket as he wants to shorter innings for Australia, such as Test matches.
Talking of jokes, here is a list written pre first test of why England won't win the Ashes as per the Australian Telegraph.
10 reasons Poms WONT win | The Daily Telegraph
10 reasons Poms WONT win | The Daily Telegraph
3 No top speedster
Jimmy Anderson, Stuart Broad and Steve Finn are respectable quicks. But they lack the fear factor. Every truly great attack has someone pushing 150km/h, like Mitchell Johnson does for Australia. None of the touring fast bowlers are frightening. Away from swing and seam-friendly England, that doesn't leave them with much.
Haha, that is priceless. I think this is my favourite bit of the article:
Edit: beaten to it! lol
Normal Rob
Well-known member
my favourite...
8 Chokers
This is England we're talking about. Losing is a tradition. Think soccer World Cups. Think Tim Henman at Wimbledon. Think every cricket tour of Australia since 1986-87. They always arrive talking themselves up, vowing they won't wilt under the heat and pressure and scrutiny, then wilt under the heat and pressure and scrutiny. They've hired a self-described Yips Doctor - because they need one.
8 Chokers
This is England we're talking about. Losing is a tradition. Think soccer World Cups. Think Tim Henman at Wimbledon. Think every cricket tour of Australia since 1986-87. They always arrive talking themselves up, vowing they won't wilt under the heat and pressure and scrutiny, then wilt under the heat and pressure and scrutiny. They've hired a self-described Yips Doctor - because they need one.
astevens76
New member
7. Depth
In such a cramped schedule, injuries are bound to hit both camps. England are in serious strife if they lose any of their first XI. There's a vast gulf between their top-tier players and those on the standby list. Australia can only hope and pray that off-spinner Monty Panesar is called in for Graeme Swann. Australia have eight Test-standard speedsters in the queue.
Not only did we use more than our first XI (in the case of Broad not out of choice) and rip them apart, but the comment about their line-up of bowlers is priceless. Maybe this is why they kept changing their attack.....
In such a cramped schedule, injuries are bound to hit both camps. England are in serious strife if they lose any of their first XI. There's a vast gulf between their top-tier players and those on the standby list. Australia can only hope and pray that off-spinner Monty Panesar is called in for Graeme Swann. Australia have eight Test-standard speedsters in the queue.
Not only did we use more than our first XI (in the case of Broad not out of choice) and rip them apart, but the comment about their line-up of bowlers is priceless. Maybe this is why they kept changing their attack.....
One of the comments on this, presumably by an Aussie (he's from Sydney, anyway) really amused me:
"Im sure this reporter could put spin on, how Australia A are trying to wear England out by letting them bat so long".
Nice one, cobber!
"Im sure this reporter could put spin on, how Australia A are trying to wear England out by letting them bat so long".
Nice one, cobber!
Phil B
New member
The biggest Ashes joke?
Australia of course ....
Australia of course ....
fatbadger
New member
Nah. This is the best bit from that article.
7. Depth. England are in serious strife if they lose any of their first XI ... Australia have eight Test-standard speedsters in the queue.
7. Depth. England are in serious strife if they lose any of their first XI ... Australia have eight Test-standard speedsters in the queue.
The Mole
Well-known member
Why didn't they play any of their eigth test-standard speedsters!!!
What do you call an Australian with the Ashes?
Mrs Steve Irwin
Mrs Steve Irwin
Storer68
New member
No depth
In such a cramped schedule, injuries are bound to hit both camps. England are in serious strife if they lose any of their first XI. There's a vast gulf between their top-tier players and those on the standby list. Australia can only hope and pray that off-spinner Monty Panesar is called in for Graeme Swann. Australia have eight Test-standard speedsters in the queue.
That is SHOCKING.
Panesar is a slow left arm bowler. He can't be an off spinner because of being a left arm spinner
In such a cramped schedule, injuries are bound to hit both camps. England are in serious strife if they lose any of their first XI. There's a vast gulf between their top-tier players and those on the standby list. Australia can only hope and pray that off-spinner Monty Panesar is called in for Graeme Swann. Australia have eight Test-standard speedsters in the queue.
That is SHOCKING.
Panesar is a slow left arm bowler. He can't be an off spinner because of being a left arm spinner