All the jokes have gone.

[Buzzer]

Doctor, doctor I keep thinking I'm a pair of curtains.

It's worse than that I'm afraid. You've got Aids.

 

[Safeway]

I recently lost my job working on the drink counter at ASDA. A paki came in and asked me for a good port. I said, "Dover, now f*** off!"

*laughing but shouldn't be*

 

[Rangdo]

Try www.sickipedia.org

Why do gingers smell? -So the blind can hate them too



Top man DP

 

[Questions]

What do 100 abused women have in common?

They just don't listen






A man gets home from the pub, he sits in his favourite chair and shouts to his wife "quick get me a beer before it starts!" she obliges. 10 minutes later he shouts the same and his wife replies "you lazy bastard, you never do anything" he puts his head in his hands and moans "shit, its started."

 

[the wanderbus]

sorry Ihaven't been in touch , theres been a blackout in our street............it took 2 days to shoot the bastard

 

[watsongooal]

Whats the best thing about fukin thirty nine years olds?




There are thirty of them

 

[Moshe Gariani]

(this thread provides a suitable home for the "best e-mail of 2005" that a friend of a friend so pleasingly thought I'd enjoy...)

say it 'phonetically'

To get the full effect, this should be read aloud. You will understand what 'tenjewberrymuds' means by the end of the conversation. This has been nominated for the best email of 2005.

The following is a telephone exchange between a hotel guest and room-service, at a hotel in Kuala Lumpa, Malaysia which was recorded and published in the Far East Economic Review:

Room Service (RS): "Morrin. Roon sirbees."

Guest (G): "Sorry, I thought I dialed room-service."

RS: "Rye..Roon sirbees..morrin! Jewish to oddor sunteen??"

G: "Uh..yes..I'd like some bacon and eggs."

RS: "Ow July den?"

G: "What??"

RS: "Ow July den?...pryed, boyud, poochd?"

G : "Oh, the eggs! How do I like them? Sorry, scrambled please."

RS: "Ow July dee baykem? Crease?"

G: "Crisp will be fine."

RS : "Hokay. An Sahn toes?"

G: "What?"

RS:"An toes. July Sahn toes?"

G: "I don't think so."

RS: "No? Judo wan sahn toes??"

G: "I feel really bad about this, but I don't know what 'judo wan sahn toes' means."

RS: "Toes! toes!...Why jew don juan toes? Ow bow Anglish moppin we bodder?"

G: "English muffin!! I've got it! You were saying 'Toast.' Fine. Yes, an English muffin will be fine."

RS: "We bodder?"

G: "No...just put the bodder on the side."

RS: "Wad! ?"

G: "I mean butter...just put it on the side."

RS: "Copy?"

G: "Excuse me?"

RS: "Copy...tea...meel?"

G: "Yes. Coffee, please, and that's all."

RS: "One Minnie. Scramah egg, crease baykem, Anglish moppin we bodder on sigh and copy....rye??"

G: "Whatever you say."

RS: "Tenjewberrymuds."

G : "You're very welcome."

 

[larus]

(this thread provides a suitable home for the "best e-mail of 2005" that a friend of a friend so pleasingly thought I'd enjoy...)

say it 'phonetically'

To get the full effect, this should be read aloud. You will understand what 'tenjewberrymuds' means by the end of the conversation. This has been nominated for the best email of 2005.

The following is a telephone exchange between a hotel guest and room-service, at a hotel in Kuala Lumpa, Malaysia which was recorded and published in the Far East Economic Review:

Room Service (RS): "Morrin. Roon sirbees."

Guest (G): "Sorry, I thought I dialed room-service."

RS: "Rye..Roon sirbees..morrin! Jewish to oddor sunteen??"

G: "Uh..yes..I'd like some bacon and eggs."

RS: "Ow July den?"

G: "What??"

RS: "Ow July den?...pryed, boyud, poochd?"

G : "Oh, the eggs! How do I like them? Sorry, scrambled please."

RS: "Ow July dee baykem? Crease?"

G: "Crisp will be fine."

RS : "Hokay. An Sahn toes?"

G: "What?"

RS:"An toes. July Sahn toes?"

G: "I don't think so."

RS: "No? Judo wan sahn toes??"

G: "I feel really bad about this, but I don't know what 'judo wan sahn toes' means."

RS: "Toes! toes!...Why jew don juan toes? Ow bow Anglish moppin we bodder?"

G: "English muffin!! I've got it! You were saying 'Toast.' Fine. Yes, an English muffin will be fine."

RS: "We bodder?"

G: "No...just put the bodder on the side."

RS: "Wad! ?"

G: "I mean butter...just put it on the side."

RS: "Copy?"

G: "Excuse me?"

RS: "Copy...tea...meel?"

G: "Yes. Coffee, please, and that's all."

RS: "One Minnie. Scramah egg, crease baykem, Anglish moppin we bodder on sigh and copy....rye??"

G: "Whatever you say."

RS: "Tenjewberrymuds."

G : "You're very welcome."

 

[Moshe Gariani]

:thud:

 

[Arthur]

What's blue and fucks children?










Me in my lucky blue suit

Ahhhhhh thank you, I'm here all week!