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After you've had a poo at work.....
- Thread starter Safeway
- Start date
¤DãŃn¥ §êãGüLL¤
Banned
What do you cover the seat with?
Northstander
Well-known member
- Oct 13, 2003
- 14,031
The Sinatra move is a quality move to ensure other lavatory attendents are aware of your presence.
For pooing at work survival hints please see the list I enclose below, I find this very useful.
CROP DUSTING When farting, you walk briskly around the office so the smell is not in your area and everyone else gets a whiff but doesn't know where it came from. Be careful when you do this. Do not stop until the full fart has been expelled. Walk an extra 30 feet to make sure the smell has left your pants.
FLY BY The act of scouting out a bathroom before pooing. Walk in and check for other pooers. If there are others in the bathroom, leave and come back again. Be careful not to become a FREQUENT FLYER. People may become suspicious if they catch you constantly going into the bathroom.
ESCAPEE A fart that slips out while taking a leak at the urinal or forcing a poop in a stall. This is usually accompanied by a sudden wave of embarrassment. If you release an escapee, do not acknowledge it. Pretend it did not happen. If you are standing next to the farter in the urinal, pretend you did not hear it. No one likes an escapee. It is uncomfortable for all involved. Making a joke or laughing makes both parties feel uneasy.
JAILBREAK When forcing a poo, several farts slip out at a machine gun pace. This is usually a side effect of diarrhoea or a hangover. If this should happen, do not panic. Remain in the stall until everyone has left the bathroom to spare everyone the awkwardness of what just occurred.
COURTESY FLUSH The act of flushing the toilet the instant the poo hits the water. This reduces the amount of airtime the poo has to stink up the bathroom. This can help you avoid being caught doing the WALK OF SHAME.
WALK OF SHAME Walking from the stall, to the sink, to the door after you have just stunk up the bathroom. This can be a very uncomfortable moment if someone walks in and busts you. As with farts, it is best to pretend that the smell does not exist. Can be avoided with the use of the COURTESY FLUSH.
OUT OF THE CLOSET POOER A colleague who poos at work and is damn proud of it. You will often see an Out Of The Closet Pooer enter the bathroom with a newspaper or magazine under his or her arm. Always look around the office for the Out The Closet Pooer before entering the bathroom.
THE POOING FRIENDS NETWORK (P.F.N) A group of co-workers who band together to ensure emergency pooing goes off without incident. This group can help you to monitor the whereabouts of Out Of The Closet Pooers, and identify SAFE HAVENS.
SAFE HAVENS A seldom-used bathroom somewhere in the building where you can least expect visitors. Try floors that are predominantly of the opposite sex. This will reduce the odds of a pooer of your sex entering the bathroom.
TURD BURGLAR Someone who does not realize that you are in the stall and tries to force the door open. This is one of the most shocking and vulnerable moments that can occur when taking a poo at work. If this occurs, remain in the stall until the Turd Burglar leaves. This way you will avoid all uncomfortable eye contact.
CAMO-COUGH A phoney cough that alerts all new entrants into the bathroom that you are in a stall. This can be used to cover-up a WATERMELON, or to alert potential Turd Burglars. Very effective when used in conjunction with an ASTAIRE.
ASTAIRE A subtle toe-tap that is used to alert potential Turd Burglars that you are occupying a stall. This will remove all doubt that the stall is occupied. If you hear an Astaire, leave the bathroom immediately so the pooer can poo in peace.
WATERMELON A poo that creates a loud splash when hitting the toilet water. This is also an embarrassing incident. If you feel a Watermelon coming on, create a diversion. See CAMO-COUGH.
HAVANAOMELET A case of diarrhoea that creates series of loud splashes in the toilet water. Often accompanied by an Escapee. Try using Camo-Cough with an Astaire.
UNCLE TED A bathroom user who seems to linger around forever. Could spend extended lengths of time in front of the mirror or sitting on the pot. An Uncle Ted makes it difficult to relax while on the crapper, as you should always wait to poo when the bathroom is empty. This benefits you as well as the other bathroom attendees
For pooing at work survival hints please see the list I enclose below, I find this very useful.
CROP DUSTING When farting, you walk briskly around the office so the smell is not in your area and everyone else gets a whiff but doesn't know where it came from. Be careful when you do this. Do not stop until the full fart has been expelled. Walk an extra 30 feet to make sure the smell has left your pants.
FLY BY The act of scouting out a bathroom before pooing. Walk in and check for other pooers. If there are others in the bathroom, leave and come back again. Be careful not to become a FREQUENT FLYER. People may become suspicious if they catch you constantly going into the bathroom.
ESCAPEE A fart that slips out while taking a leak at the urinal or forcing a poop in a stall. This is usually accompanied by a sudden wave of embarrassment. If you release an escapee, do not acknowledge it. Pretend it did not happen. If you are standing next to the farter in the urinal, pretend you did not hear it. No one likes an escapee. It is uncomfortable for all involved. Making a joke or laughing makes both parties feel uneasy.
JAILBREAK When forcing a poo, several farts slip out at a machine gun pace. This is usually a side effect of diarrhoea or a hangover. If this should happen, do not panic. Remain in the stall until everyone has left the bathroom to spare everyone the awkwardness of what just occurred.
COURTESY FLUSH The act of flushing the toilet the instant the poo hits the water. This reduces the amount of airtime the poo has to stink up the bathroom. This can help you avoid being caught doing the WALK OF SHAME.
WALK OF SHAME Walking from the stall, to the sink, to the door after you have just stunk up the bathroom. This can be a very uncomfortable moment if someone walks in and busts you. As with farts, it is best to pretend that the smell does not exist. Can be avoided with the use of the COURTESY FLUSH.
OUT OF THE CLOSET POOER A colleague who poos at work and is damn proud of it. You will often see an Out Of The Closet Pooer enter the bathroom with a newspaper or magazine under his or her arm. Always look around the office for the Out The Closet Pooer before entering the bathroom.
THE POOING FRIENDS NETWORK (P.F.N) A group of co-workers who band together to ensure emergency pooing goes off without incident. This group can help you to monitor the whereabouts of Out Of The Closet Pooers, and identify SAFE HAVENS.
SAFE HAVENS A seldom-used bathroom somewhere in the building where you can least expect visitors. Try floors that are predominantly of the opposite sex. This will reduce the odds of a pooer of your sex entering the bathroom.
TURD BURGLAR Someone who does not realize that you are in the stall and tries to force the door open. This is one of the most shocking and vulnerable moments that can occur when taking a poo at work. If this occurs, remain in the stall until the Turd Burglar leaves. This way you will avoid all uncomfortable eye contact.
CAMO-COUGH A phoney cough that alerts all new entrants into the bathroom that you are in a stall. This can be used to cover-up a WATERMELON, or to alert potential Turd Burglars. Very effective when used in conjunction with an ASTAIRE.
ASTAIRE A subtle toe-tap that is used to alert potential Turd Burglars that you are occupying a stall. This will remove all doubt that the stall is occupied. If you hear an Astaire, leave the bathroom immediately so the pooer can poo in peace.
WATERMELON A poo that creates a loud splash when hitting the toilet water. This is also an embarrassing incident. If you feel a Watermelon coming on, create a diversion. See CAMO-COUGH.
HAVANAOMELET A case of diarrhoea that creates series of loud splashes in the toilet water. Often accompanied by an Escapee. Try using Camo-Cough with an Astaire.
UNCLE TED A bathroom user who seems to linger around forever. Could spend extended lengths of time in front of the mirror or sitting on the pot. An Uncle Ted makes it difficult to relax while on the crapper, as you should always wait to poo when the bathroom is empty. This benefits you as well as the other bathroom attendees
Meade's Ball
Well-known member
Bozza said:
Normally, thats exactly what i do. But these cubicles have heavy closing mechanisms, so its difficult to tell if anyone is in there without giving them a mighty shove. if i were to hear someone shout "hey!" just as they plopped, i would also be embarassed.
I have many problems with toilet etiquette.
bhaexpress
New member
But for it being New Year this thread could have been another 'Is my girlfriend a slut ?'.
Meade's Ball
Well-known member
DÃnN¥ §ëÃGuLL© said:
I like to put down a layer of hair.
Or, if you must know my processes, i wipe the seat twice, being very careful to get round the inner edges (where piss-drops loiter), and that paper is then used as the cushion to prevent excessive splashback. I then cover the seat in toilet paper.
My mum told me a little while ago that when i was a kid, after every poo, i would roar like Tarzan as i sign i had finished.
Northstander
Well-known member
- Oct 13, 2003
- 14,031
IMHO I say poo when you want to poo and don't be afraid!!!
In fact I may go and have a nice slow dump now and contemplate my night for New years.
It's the best place to think in piece!!
In fact I may go and have a nice slow dump now and contemplate my night for New years.
It's the best place to think in piece!!
Easy 10
Brain dead MUG SHEEP
We only have one toilet on our floor at work, and its like one you'd have at home, ie it acts as the urinal as well as the throne.
I find it deeply embarrassing if I've just curled one off, and am still in the process of washing my hands in the sink outside the toilet door when someone else comes in to use the toilet, and thereby knows full well that it is my deposit that has just been placed. There is a certain heat and heady aroma which no amount of air freshener can disguise, and you know that they will be spending time in a confined space, in an atmosphere created specifically by your own faeces.
I sometimes have to avoid eye contact for days afterwards.
I find it deeply embarrassing if I've just curled one off, and am still in the process of washing my hands in the sink outside the toilet door when someone else comes in to use the toilet, and thereby knows full well that it is my deposit that has just been placed. There is a certain heat and heady aroma which no amount of air freshener can disguise, and you know that they will be spending time in a confined space, in an atmosphere created specifically by your own faeces.
I sometimes have to avoid eye contact for days afterwards.
Northstander
Well-known member
- Oct 13, 2003
- 14,031
Just been after lunch to leave my deposit for the day and it was a
Wet Cheeks Poo:
The poo hit the water sideways and made a bigger splash than the launching of the Queen Mary Cruise ship, soaking me starfish.
Not nice at all!!
Wet Cheeks Poo:
The poo hit the water sideways and made a bigger splash than the launching of the Queen Mary Cruise ship, soaking me starfish.
Not nice at all!!
Vinyl Richie
New member
Question:
You are mid poo and stop because you hear someone entering the bog. You hear the cubical next to you shut, and you now have a new neighbour. You can't quite tell whether they are having a "sit" or a "stand" yet. How do you proceed?
a) Belt out the poo, in full knowledge that it'll be loud and splatty, but hoping that this won't matter because you'll beat the other person out and that way, they won't know who did the loud poo.
or
b) do you hold your poo until the person has done their business and you are free to splat as quitely or loudly as you like. Only risk is if somebody enters when he goes and you could potentially be in their a very long time.
You are mid poo and stop because you hear someone entering the bog. You hear the cubical next to you shut, and you now have a new neighbour. You can't quite tell whether they are having a "sit" or a "stand" yet. How do you proceed?
a) Belt out the poo, in full knowledge that it'll be loud and splatty, but hoping that this won't matter because you'll beat the other person out and that way, they won't know who did the loud poo.
or
b) do you hold your poo until the person has done their business and you are free to splat as quitely or loudly as you like. Only risk is if somebody enters when he goes and you could potentially be in their a very long time.
Northstander
Well-known member
- Oct 13, 2003
- 14,031
I would hold it being quiet and try and secretly without losing my seating and getting messy see under the partition knowing I won't in fact be able to see anyway!!!
Last edited:
Highfields Seagull
Well-known member
Vinyl Richie said:
You have to take your opportunity when there is noise disturbance such as a toilet flush or a hand drier.
Vinyl Richie
New member
Highfields Seagull said:
agreed, I do that too.
but these days I tend not to give a shit (pun intended) and blast one out while chuckling to myself if unexpected noise occurs. Mavelous scenes
Meade's Ball
Well-known member
I still find the stranger farting at the urinal a truly hilarious moment. Especially when they then give you a wink and maybe the comment "You'll like that one.".
Safeway
M0DERAT0R
- Thread starter
- #37
How would you react if it became apparent that the person next door was not having a poo at all, but slyly knocking one out?
Do you:
a) Finish your business as quickly as possible (risking skid marks) and get outta there.
b) Take your time and hope to catch the masterbating culprit on his way out.
c) Hammer on the divide and shout: "PACK THAT IN YOU FILTHY ****".
?
Do you:
a) Finish your business as quickly as possible (risking skid marks) and get outta there.
b) Take your time and hope to catch the masterbating culprit on his way out.
c) Hammer on the divide and shout: "PACK THAT IN YOU FILTHY ****".
?
Easy 10
Brain dead MUG SHEEP
I'd offer to give sound effects for a small fee, payable on exit of the cubicle.Safeway said:
"oooh yes. Oooh YES. Ahhhh....mmmmm, oh you're so BIG...Uhh huuuh, right there...oooh, come on, harder...ahhhhhhhhhh"
Vinyl Richie
New member
I've had that in the cubical next to me, and I couldn't do anything. It feels horrible, so I quickly got out of there (without being able to do my boom boom) and got a couple of mates to sneak in to confirm what I had heard.
They reported "definate shuffling goings on" and now the whole office nows who the filth pot is!
They reported "definate shuffling goings on" and now the whole office nows who the filth pot is!