Advice please - Grandma has died, how do I tell the children (aged 6 and 4)?

[Triggaaar]

Had this situation last year - kids were 4 and 2. Found honesty the best policy ; saying that she had died, they weren't going to see her, that she was in pain and niot anymore.

The eldest realised quite early on and got upset. The youngest couldn't quite grasp it. Found a great book called dragonflies and water bugs which talks in an analogy about this, gives a semi faith view if you do, or want your kids to, have some concept of heaven. We read that a few days later and it helped them both. My youngest got confused and keeps asking is she had gone to newhaven! These light hearted comments do help.

That'll do.

Beautiful bit of writing...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3XBZUtxLhXQ&feature=related

I was convinced that was going to be a piss-take, took me by surprise.

 

[Horsham Gull]

Sorry to hear your news

 

[yoda559]

Dont keep them away from the funeral. A lot of people say dont take kids to a funeral but we have taken ours (aged 3 & 5) to two funerals.

Death is the only this that is gauranteed in our life, so dont try and hide that

 

[Buzzer]

then we took them out somewhere nice later that day (all you can eat Chinese)...They are sad about it of course, and I'm sure it's not really sunk in yet, but it will.

I think I've eaten there too. I recommend cod liver oil.

 

[chimneys]

I think I've eaten there too. I recommend cod liver oil.

Oh my that cheered me up on an otherwise sad thread!

 

[goldstone]

Try "Granny's dead".

 

[DavidinSouthampton]

Can't add anything to the advice on here already, but reading all this has brought a tear to my eye.

I had a cousin who died suddenly about 5 years ago. His 6 year old daughter helped plan the funeral and was there throughout. She has come out of it all "older but wiser".

The clip from "Rev" was particularly welcome, a reminder of a superb programme which was both extremely funny and contained a great deal of truth, and you certainly don't need to be religious to watch it.

 

[teaboy]

Dont keep them away from the funeral. A lot of people say dont take kids to a funeral but we have taken ours (aged 3 & 5) to two funerals.

Death is the only this that is gauranteed in our life, so dont try and hide that

Definitely agree. Remember that at some point they'll know all about it anyway, and won't forgive you easily for not including them in a big moment in their lives.

 

[sully]

The biggest mistake my parents made was not letting me go to my grandmother's funeral when I was 7.

I didn't repeat the error when they died. My eldest was under 3 at the funerals (my son doesn't have any recollection of his grandparents, sadly), but she brightened up the whole day and it helped her to come to terms with it all that there were so many people there to see them off that clearly loved them as much as she did.

It really helped her to cope when her cat died.....

 

[Hillian1]

Dont keep them away from the funeral. A lot of people say dont take kids to a funeral but we have taken ours (aged 3 & 5) to two funerals.

Death is the only this that is gauranteed in our life, so dont try and hide that

This in heaps.

My mum died when I was 9 and the family thought it was a good idea for me not to go to the funeral, looking back it was a shitty thing to do as the next 5 or 6 years I was convinced I kept seeing her even after we moved from Wales to Sussex because I'd never seen her coffin and refused to believe it.

 

[kevo]

My youngest got confused and keeps asking is she had gone to newhaven!

You should've said no, she's gone to the good place!

 

[The Modfather]

Friends, Albion, Countrymen

As the title says, Grandma sadly passed away in her sleep. The little Rattlers don't know yet and its not something I'm especially looking forward to telling them. Any top tips?

In the absence of any serious advice, please follow normal NSC protocol and either 1) post any 'amusing dead Granny stories'; or 2) pictures of Zaha falling over thin air.

Cheers!!!

Sorry to hear of your loss mate.

Loss my old man 2 months ago so have been through the same thing myself. As others have said, I told them that he had died and that they would not see him again. My dad had been ill for a long time so I told them that he was no longer suffering. There is no right or wrong you just have to follow your heart. With regards the funeral, I decided to take them, but they both fell asleep in the car on the way there and missed it anyway, which, with hindsight I am pleased about.

Text or Pm me anytime

 

[cliveh27]

I'm still waiting for my great aunt to come back from her long holiday. She left in 1964.

 

[Stumpy Tim]

I'm fortunate not to have had to go through this with my kids, but it does remind me of my thoughts when I was a child. When my first grandparent died I knew it was final but refused to believe it. I convinced myself that it was all a big trick and that we would see Grandpa again on our holiday to the Isle of White. I was nine I think. Funny how kids think

 

[cornish seagull]

My kids were about your kids age when they lost their first Nan Someone recommended a great book called 'Badgers Parting Gift' by Susan Varley. If you can get hold of a copy it's really very comforting for them at this difficult time, if you can't, let me know and I will copy & email to you tonight Sorry for your loss

Brilliant book used it when their Grandpa died.

 

[The aloof gatekeeper]

Tell them she's gone on a long trip.

 

[The Rattler]

Dear Friends

Just a quick note to say a big “Thank you” to all who gave helpful and thoughtful responses to my plea for help last week, both on here and via Private Messages. Sometimes it really is great to be part of a super NSC community! Yesterday I sat down with the Little Rattlers and read with them the recommended book “Badger’s Parting Gifts” before telling them the sad news. Although there were of course many tears, the book as an introduction was a great help and helped set up for some nice questions (“Is Grandma with Badger now?” “Will Grandma miss us?” and “Can we watch ‘Strictly’ now?”) and discussion. The Little Rattlers are very sad but understand Grandma has gone. All in all, it was not as bad as I had feared, thanks to you good people!

Jon

 

[GoldWithFalmer]

Dont keep them away from the funeral. A lot of people say dont take kids to a funeral but we have taken ours (aged 3 & 5) to two funerals.

Death is the only this that is gauranteed in our life, so dont try and hide that

This- I firmly believe that too-they are never too young to learn about the subject

 

[nwgull]

Probably a bit late given your recent update, but, assuming that they're Albion fans, I was goin to suggest telling them that she'd gone to train with Vicente. That should get the message through to them that they're not going to see her again but to enjoy the memories.

 

[User removed 4]

Happened to us two years ago when my mum died. My daughter was only 6 at the time and she was the only grandparent she ever knew (the other three having passed away years ago). She died following a long illness so my daughter always knew something was wrong and in the last few days, she saw her grandmother in hospital for the last time, not looking well. She died in the early hours of the morning and the hardest thing was talking to my daughter a couple of hours later. The tears certainly flowed but honesty was certainly the best way. We gave my daughter the option of coming to the crematorium but our back up plan was that the wake was over the road in a large pub. We explained as best we could what would happen and at the last moment she decided not to go in so she went over the road to the pub with an elder cousin to wait for the service to finish. She still has moments about it as anyone would but it is, sadly, a fact of life that we all die and that is why honesty is still the best way.

I did the same with my 8 year old for my mums funeral, I asked him if he wanted to go, maybe it would be too much for him, why didnt he talk to mummy etc ? The little sod thought for a few seconds, asked " is it after school?" I answered no, its during school time , him : " so i wouldnt have to go to school ? you dont really need to ask if he decided to go