A variable mixture of jokes (some old)

[cjwoolven]

A man is in a queue at Tesco and sees this busty blonde staring
at him, he can't believe she is staring at him, then she starts
waving.
'Excuse me do I know you?' he asks.
'Yes I think you are the father of one of my kids' she says.
The man thinks back and remembers his one act of infidelity and
says 'Are you the bird I shagged on my stag night, whilst your mate whipped me and your other mate stuck a brush up my arse?'
'No' she replies 'I'm your son's English teacher!'#

 

[Fef]

A skeleton walks into a pub.
The barman asks "What can I get you?"
Skeleton replies "A pint and a mop".

 

[The Modfather]

Got into trouble with the missus last night. She asked me where I would most like to be buried.

Apparently, 'bollock deep in your slutty sister' is not the right answer

 

[Danny-Boy]

Whats the differance between jam and marmalade?

You can't marmalade your cock up a girls arse.
__________________

That's true..I tried though.