Uncle C
Well-known member
A history teacher asks a class full of kids 'What was Churchill
famous for?'
A kid at the back shouts out 'He was the last white man to be
called Winston!'
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Did you hear about the look-a-like competition in China ?
Everybody won.
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What's the ideal weight for a mother-in-law?
About 2.3 pounds including the urn.
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Was so depressed last night that I rang the Samaritans.
Got through to a call centre in Pakistan .
Told them I was suicidal and they got all excited and asked if I
could fly a plane......
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A black man takes a girl home from a nightclub. She says 'Show
me it's true what they say about black men'...
So he stabbed her and nicked her purse.
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I parked in a disabled space today and a traffic warden shouted
to me...
'Oi, what's your disability?'
I said 'Tourettes! Now f**k off!'
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A man is in a queue at Tesco and sees this busty blonde staring
at him, he can't believe she is staring at him, then she starts
waving.
'Excuse me do I know you?' he asks.
'Yes I think you are the father of one of my kids' she says.
The man thinks back and remembers his one act of infidelity and
says 'Are you the bird I shagged on my stag night, whilst your mate whipped me and your other mate stuck a brush up my arse?'
'No' she replies 'I'm your son's English teacher!'
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THE FOREHEAD DOT
Finally, someone has explained this.
For centuries, Hindu women have worn a dot on their foreheads.
Most of us have naively thought this was connected with tradition
or religion, but the Indian High Commission in London, has recently revealed
the true story.
When a Hindu woman gets married, she brings a dowry into the
union.
On her wedding night, the husband scratches off the dot to see
whether he's won a corner shop, a petrol station, a curry restaurant, a taxi cab or a motel in the United Kingdom
If nothing is there, he must remain in India to answer telephones
and provide us with computer technical support.
famous for?'
A kid at the back shouts out 'He was the last white man to be
called Winston!'
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Did you hear about the look-a-like competition in China ?
Everybody won.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
What's the ideal weight for a mother-in-law?
About 2.3 pounds including the urn.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Was so depressed last night that I rang the Samaritans.
Got through to a call centre in Pakistan .
Told them I was suicidal and they got all excited and asked if I
could fly a plane......
----------------------------------------------------------------------
A black man takes a girl home from a nightclub. She says 'Show
me it's true what they say about black men'...
So he stabbed her and nicked her purse.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
I parked in a disabled space today and a traffic warden shouted
to me...
'Oi, what's your disability?'
I said 'Tourettes! Now f**k off!'
----------------------------------------------------------------------
A man is in a queue at Tesco and sees this busty blonde staring
at him, he can't believe she is staring at him, then she starts
waving.
'Excuse me do I know you?' he asks.
'Yes I think you are the father of one of my kids' she says.
The man thinks back and remembers his one act of infidelity and
says 'Are you the bird I shagged on my stag night, whilst your mate whipped me and your other mate stuck a brush up my arse?'
'No' she replies 'I'm your son's English teacher!'
----------------------------------------------------------------------
THE FOREHEAD DOT
Finally, someone has explained this.
For centuries, Hindu women have worn a dot on their foreheads.
Most of us have naively thought this was connected with tradition
or religion, but the Indian High Commission in London, has recently revealed
the true story.
When a Hindu woman gets married, she brings a dowry into the
union.
On her wedding night, the husband scratches off the dot to see
whether he's won a corner shop, a petrol station, a curry restaurant, a taxi cab or a motel in the United Kingdom
If nothing is there, he must remain in India to answer telephones
and provide us with computer technical support.
just some sort of marine offal covered in batter or breadcrumbs,and d/fried in the same oil as the"crispy" chicken.
