A thread of Alan Partridge

[Giraffe]

Jurassic Park
Back of the Net
Sunday, Bloody Sunday

The Queen is dead, long live the Queen

 

[Barrow Boy]

Any excuse to post this classic again

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[WhingForPresident]

"The temperature inside this apple pie is over 1000 degrees. If I squeeze it, a jet of molten bramley apple will squirt out. Could go your way; could go mine. Either way, one of us is going down"

 

[John Bumlick]

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[Badger]

Alan: 'No! Go on, try and finish the sentence and see what I do. Go on.'
Lynn: 'With a skeleton staff of two –'
Alan: 'I’m not driving a mini-Metro, I’m not driving a mini-Metro, I’m not driving a mini-Metro.'

 

[Tooting Gull]

The classic 'lesbians' interview

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=29SslXv_Ja8&feature=related

 

[Albion Edd]

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I'm trying to lighten the mood with a nazi voice

 

[Tooting Gull]

I still think the Knowing Me, Knowing You stuff is the best

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FogusilIYtY&feature=related

 

[simmo]

Not sure if anyone has put this on the Youtube videos as I can't see them a twork but.................

Alan: Let battle commence! Do you like me doing that? Shall I do it more quickly or shall I maintain the same speed?
Jill: That’s fine.
Alan: Right. Shall I move on to the other one? Oh, that’s lovely. That’s first class. That is superb. Ooh, there you go, it’s all happening! Jill I’m afraid I have no sheathes.
Jill: No what?
Alan: Sheathes, er, prophylactics, you know, rubber johnnies. Actually, being your age and everything there’s probably no need for them. I’m talking about the menopau – whoooo! Jill you know your onions! Do you mind if I talk? It helps me keep the… wolf from the door, so to speak. Jill, what do you think about the pedestrianisation of Norwich town centre? I’ll be honest I’m dead against it. People forget that traders need access to Dixons! They do say it’ll help people in wheeeeelchairs…

 

[TonyBloomsPokerFace]

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INTO ME!!

 

[Tony Meolas Loan Spell]

Im going nowhere Lynn. Im on a ring road quite literally.

 

[Simster]

Sunday Bloody Sunday. What a great song. It really encapsulates the frustration of a Sunday, doesn't it? You wake up in the morning, you've got to read all the Sunday papers, the kids are running round, you've got to mow the lawn, wash the car, and you think 'Sunday, bloody Sunday!'.

 

[Badger]

Dan's a fantastic man! He really is. I was talking to him early and he asked me what kind of phone I had and I said a Motorola Timeport. And he said, 'that's saaad, you wana upgrade'. I said, so do you - to a new face. He nearly soiled himself! He said he was laughing so hard he had Kenco coming out of his nostrils, and that made me laugh. But...my nostrils were clear.

 

[Gonzo]

SPICEWORLD!

That was CLASSIC intercourse!

Did you know that there are no Dutch Elms left in Britain?

 

[Twinkle Toes]

If you see a lovely field with a family having a picnic, and there's a nice pond in it, you fill in the pond with concrete; you plough the family into the field; you blow up the tree; and use the leaves to make a dress for your wife who is also your BROTHER.

 

[Carrot Cruncher]

Do you like owls?

Because I know a CRACKING owl sanctuary.

 

[John Boy]

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If it was just the potatoes which were affected, at the end of the day, you will pay a price if you're a fussy eater. If you can afford to emmigrate, you can afford to eat in a modest resturant

 

[Seasider78]

My advice never throw water on a chip fat fire it will take your face off

 

[Barrow Boy]

Partridge at his best,

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[alan partridge]

Fire! Fire! The fair's on fire!