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That's the highly-shaggable Shirley Robertson (who also won gold in Sydney), plus the two Sarahs. Hurrah! They've absolutely walked all over everyone else in this event, dominated it from start to finish. I could start boring you with the fact that this is because Shirley's brought dinghy...

Have just got back from the pub, having downed several celebratory pints at my silver medal. Still can't believe it, came from nowhere by winning the last two events. It's the proudest sporting day of my life. Who's doing the medal ceremony, hope it's someone fitter than Princess Anne?

Helping babies to be born healthy and stay healthy

He won't ride in cars anymore, it reminds him of blowjobs and that he's a queer. Throwing Muses, Vicky's Box

****ing hell, how the hell did that happen? I've gone from at best seventh all day to the silver! I'm gobsmacked, delighted and overwhelmed... > makes rapid exit out of side door as Olympic testers approach with needles and test tubes, gets on motorbike, crashes... < bhafc99 NSC Decathlon...

Starts swaying back and forth at the end of the run up, jiggles javelin in hand, encourages crowd to start clapping in unison...

Technique boys, it's all in the technique. Sits back, admires 49.49m throw, rubs chalk dust stuff into palms for no real reason.

Blimey, I'm actually leading an event for once. Now watch me scuff my next two throws into the ground while everyone else sails past with 50m+ efforts...

What's going on? False starts?

Boo to the high jump. In the shot put the points differences were nice and close, but in the high jump the points differences are so vast it's almost decided the whole game. I'm going to throw my toys out the pram, cry, complain to the IOC and be involved in a mysterious motorbike accident...

Bollocks. My Frosby Flop obviosuly needs some work. Watsonowngoal - fancy going to check out the women's beach volleyball while the rest finish, they could be jumping for hours...?!

Flip, it's a bit knackering this Olympics lark innit. We barely have time to draw breath from one thing to the next. And here was me thinking there'd be a load of Helen-of-Troy-like babes massaging our aching limbs between events. No wonder I've slipped to 7th overall...

Yeah, ahead of me, ya bastard!!! I'll be slipping something funny in your isotonic drink if you're not careful.

Sixth place after two events. Solid enough. Do I get an interview with Sharon Davies now :p

Am underperforming, time for a convenient motorcycle accident I think...!

Agree, this joke is old and tired now. Been done a thousand times. Yawn.

Like others, I could sit here and do a list that runs into thousands, but will stick with: Red Guitars, Good Technology

Hard to be bothered really. Zzzz. Will probably be 1-1 and dull and with 38 substitutions. A few Geordies booing Kieron Dyer is about all there is to get worked up about.

Passport twice, once in Budapest and once in Spain. Wallet twice, once in Reading and once in London. Car once, in Reading. (Later found, minus the stereo etc). Sounds bad, but none of it matters really.

Nope, but there is walking, which has got to be one of the most pointless sports ever: who can be fastest at being slow?