Worst attempt at a rhyme in a pop tune?

[life on mars 73]

Might be a bit controversial here, but I always wince when I hear the line from Do They Know It's Christmas :

Well tonight thank God it's them instead of you

Seemed horribly harsh in the context of the song. Kinda unnecessary, I thought.

 

[NMH]

A point to make about lyrics here - they don't need to be good (Dah Dah Dah) or understood (Smells Like Teen Spirit) to make a hit record.
Moreover, some of the top tracks in music history are basically indecipherable gibberish that possibly only meant something to the writer. Stairway To Heaven has been studied and theorised, but it's still gibberish as a story unless that writer cares to elucidate.

 

[Lady Gull]

Shakira - whenever wherever

Lucky that my breasts are small and humble
so you don't confuse them with mountains
Lucky I have strong legs like my mother .......

 

[Lady Gull]

I suppose that doesn't rhyme at all but it's still odd!!!

 

[Wiggy Power]

Classic from Rizzle Kicks on the Olly Murs track.

The flaps keep going up and down like a see-saw
I shoulda just taken her to the cinema to see Saw

And how about this from Pitbull on "Give me everything"

Me not working hard?
Yea right picture that with a kodak
And better yet, go to times square
Take a picture of me with a kodak

 

[Robdinho]

Flaming Lips heroically manage to do the impossible and make 'orange' rhyme with 'store' on She Don't Use Jelly

"She don't use nothing
You can by at the store
She likes her hair to
Be real orange"

 

[Norman Potting]

A point to make about lyrics here - they don't need to be good (Dah Dah Dah) or understood (Smells Like Teen Spirit) to make a hit record.
Moreover, some of the top tracks in music history are basically indecipherable gibberish that possibly only meant something to the writer. Stairway To Heaven has been studied and theorised, but it's still gibberish as a story unless that writer cares to elucidate.

If you actually listen to the lyrics of "De do dah dah" they are actually quite clever.

Not so much a rhyme but "my libido, a mosquito" from "Smells Like Teen Spirit", it rhymes but wtf does it mean?

 

[withdeanwombat]

Mares eat oats
And does eat oats
But little lambs eat ivy,
And cattle eat ivy too,
Wouldn't you ?

Great,isn't it ?

 

[Jesus Gul]

who hassle banks like Jimmy Floyd,
Nat West, TSB and Lloyds,
make some noise, oi, oi, oi

Roots Manuva - Run Come Save Me

actually it's pretty damn good. someone obviously challenged him to get Jimmy Floyd Hassalbaink into a track

 

[Pevenseagull]

Funny, I immediately thought of "I'm as serious as cancer..." too.

Des'ree came up with this absolute belter:

I don't want to see a ghost,
It's the sight that I fear most
I'd rather have a piece of toast
And watch the evening news.

Utter shit.

that's the one

however Sheryl Crow came out with this BELTER of a verse

I light your cigarette
I bring you apples from the vine
How quickly you forget
I run the bath and pour the wine


shit and stupid

 

[The Lemming Stomper]

Just listening to Kamikaze by The Professionals...class bit of rhyme goes

'I aint gonna be a kamikaze,
I aint gonna clean nobodys khazi,
I aint gonna go to Benghazi,
For you

Cruelly overlooked for an ivor novello. Quality band tho

 

[Wienergull]

I quite like Donovan's chutzpah on this one (you'll have to imagine the squiggly accent over the "n" of Lalena):

That's your lot in life, Lalena
Can't blame ya, Lalena.

 

[Danny-Boy]

If this wasn't such a great song, most of it would qualify.


Good evening, I'm from Essex
In case you couldn't tell
My given name is Dickie
I come from Billericay
And I'm doing very well

Had a love affair with Nina
In the back of my cortina
A seasoned-up hyena
Could not have been more obscener
She took me to the cleaners
And other misdemeanours
But I got right up between her
Rum and her Ribena

Well, you ask Joyce and Vicky
If candy-floss is sticky
I'm not a blinking thicky
I'm Billericay Dickie
And I'm doing very well

I bought a lot of Brandy
When I was courting Sandy
Took eight to make her randy
And all I had was shandy
Another thing with Sandy
What often came in handy
Was passing her a mandy
She didn't half go bandy

So, you ask Joyce and Vicky
If I ever took the mickey
I'm not a flipping thicky
I'm Billericay Dickie
And I'm doing very well

I'd rendez-vous with Janet
Quite near the Isle of Thanet
She looked more like a gannet
She wasn't half a prannet
Her mother tried to ban it
Her father helped me plan it
And when I captured Janet
She bruised her pomegranate

Oh, you ask Joyce and Vicky
If I ever shaped up tricky
I'm not a blooming thicky
I'm Billericay Dickie
And I'm doing very well

You should never hold a candle
If you don't know where it's been
The jackpot is in the handle
On a normal fruit machine

So, you ask Joyce and Vicky
Who's their favourite brickie
I'm not a common thicky
I'm Billericay Dickie
And I'm doing very well

I know a lovely old toe-rag
Obliging and noblesse
Kindly, charming shag from Shoeburyness
My given name is Dickie
I come from Billericay
I thought you'd never guess

So, you ask Joyce and Vicky
A pair of squeaky chickies
I'm not a flaming thicky
I'm Billericay Dicky
And I'm doing very well

Oh golly, oh gosh
Come and lie on the couch
With a nice bit of posh
From Burnham-on-Crouch
My given name is Dickie
I come from Billericay
And I ain't a slouch

So, you ask Joyce and Vicky
About Billericay Dickie
I ain't an effing thicky
You ask Joyce and Vicky
I'm doing very well

As someone who started this all off, this HAS to be the winner. I remember the "Janet" bit but it's all brill.

 

[maltaseagull]

I actually liked this:

She was tall, thin and tarty
and she drove a Maserati

ROD STEWART
"Italian Girls"
(Rod Stewart / Ron Wood)

 

[Dave the OAP]

What about toto..rains down in Africa or whatever it's called........how they fit Serengeti into the lyric and notes is genius.

And also that song by the American woman about new York.......the booooookkkkkllllyyyyyyyyyyn briiiiiiiiiiii....iiiiidggggge. Another crap song

 

[zfleas]

Katy B - 'Standing at the bar with my friend OliviaR

 

[Sussex Nomad]

Is there something I should Know - Duran Duran

And firey deamons all dance when you walk through that door
Don't say you're easy on me you're about as easy as a nuclear war

Brim full of Asha - Cornershop

everybody Needs A Bosom For A Pillow
everybody Needs A Bosom

 

[Pavilionaire]

"A few questions that I need to know
How you could ever hurt me so"

All Saints - Never Ever.

 

[Cheeky Monkey]

Chris de Burgh's Lady in Red

I've never seen so many men ask you if you wanted to dance
They're looking for a little romance

How can you possibly pronounce 'romance' to rhyme with 'dance'?

 

[Badger]

Chris de Burgh's Lady in Red

I've never seen so many men ask you if you wanted to dance
They're looking for a little romance

How can you possibly pronounce 'romance' to rhyme with 'dance'?

If you pronounce 'dance' in a northern way you're fine.
Much like the Co-Operative adverts where apparently 'good' and 'food' rhyme perfectly........... if you're Scottish.