[Misc] World's Hardest Creature XII - Nominations

[Commander]

Hmmm. Ok. But what does it DO that is hard? I’m talking hard behaviour.

Let’s wait until the competition starts.

 

[Cheshire Cat]

Mantis shrimp

 

[Badger]

Seconding the Grasshopper Mouse.

I've always had a soft spot for the little fella, although I fear his days may be numbered if he doesn't get a new manager in.

 

[Westdene Seagull]

The EU negotiators


OOOHHHH SATIRE

But in all seriousness, Cassowary.

Thirded. Hardest and deadliest bird on the planet ..... and that's saying something with the ex-Mrs W and the current Mrs W still around !!!!

Look even a tough Aussie bloke needs a shield .....

 

[MattBackHome]

I would love it if the Cassowary won this.

 

[The Brighton Bear]

I'll second the Tardigrade (or whatever species of it we decide upon).

 

[Kuipers Supporters Club]

Mantis shrimp

This

 

[Guinness Boy]

As a fully fledged Badgerista I'm feeling slightly guilty that my head has been turned by the STOAT, but what a nomination.

Pound for pound hardness justifcation and a lovely picture of this clearly crazed mo-fo on the attack.

I'm torn.

#TeamStoat

#Probably

 

[Seagull kimchi]

Semantics - What does hard mean? Is your dick sometimes hard? Well for some of you it might crest in the morning before the stress of living sinks in and your morning wood dissolves.

Mammals are predominantly soft. They nurture their young and piss about attempting to assert dominance amongst their clan.

Now consider the plight of a new born reptile. No suckling from the mothers teat for them. Break out of the shell and immediately they must fend for themselves. Inert, primal instinct will make them predators from day one. Literally killing and eating flesh from birth, no training required.

Let's welcome the return of The King Cobra.

https://youtu.be/Wien_2-yO8Q


Now - let's get this straight - this is no spitting cobra (although they too, are pretty hard), neither is it a monocled cobra which kills about 30,000 humans a year. This IS the KING cobra (and it actually isn't of the cobra genus at all) No, no - this is something very different to those venomous ankle nippers of the 'naga' genus. The KING is of the 'elapidae' genus meaning they have fixed fangs that can chew the venom into you again and again and again. It is the longest venomous snake in the world - we're talking 5 meters of death noodle. They have 10 times more venom per bite than any other snake - enough to kill a full grown elephant with a nip. A king cobra can stand taller than you and stare into you eyes before you shit your pants. But fear not, they may decide to kill you with a microgram of their neurotoxic juice, but they won't eat you - not their cuppa tea. These monsters like to eat their own kind - other snakes....big snakes,too. They will eat pythons, boas and other King cobras coz cannablization don't matter to them at all. Sometimes they chose to shag and eat their quarry simultaneously. Gives a whole new meaning to dinner dating.

 

[maltaseagull]

I posted this in the coming soon(ish) thread but I think that Simon Barnes presents the credentials of the STOAT (and a sly dig at the HB) far better than I could:


Britain’s stoat, the world featherweight champion predator

The world’s top predator lives in my garden. I reached that conclusion after a stunning encounter during the morning chores. It often happens that country life involves country death, a matter you soon learn to view without gloating or weeping: and so I was startled, if not exactly surprised, by a piercing scream as I worked among the feed bins.

I went out to investigate — and it was as I thought, but even more dramatic. A lithe stoat, perhaps 3in high at his slender shoulder, had brought down a fully grown rabbit and was in the process of killing it by severing the spinal cord. The rabbit was a good 10 times his size: like human v rhinoceros.

The stoat saw me and vanished like the extinguishing of a candle flame. The rabbit did not: his travelling days were done. I retreated, but a little later I had to pass that way again, and the rabbit had gone: dragged into cover by this stoat of impossible strength.

Boxing people like to talk about who is “pound for pound” the best fighter, as if weight categories could be set aside. And it occurred to me that the stoat is perhaps pound for pound the world’s most effective predator. Now this, like the boxing discussion, is a pub argument that need never end: but it’s instructive all the same.

Let’s set aside the predators who work in packs and prides: wild dogs have a success rate as high as 90%, but I’m looking for animals that strike alone. A tiger can bring down a fully grown gaur, the Asian wild cattle that are sometimes 7ft high at the shoulder, but to compete with a stoat, the tiger would have to kill elephants on a routine basis.

Other contenders include the Tasmanian devil, a marsupial predator that seems to have the head of a much larger animal on its shoulders. No one who loves Africa can fail to put up the claims of the honey badger: largely because honey badgers, being slow moving, will confront rather than flee. They have a reputation for launching themselves at the crotch of humans who disturb them.

Today, though, I’m rooting for the stoat. With apricot fur and teddy-bear ears, they don’t look at first glance like creatures of perfect ferocity: but they are perhaps the finest ambush predators on the planet. There are monsters at the bottom of my garden.

GO STOAT - a worthy British Champion for these troubled times!
View attachment 105175

Gets my vote

 

[maltaseagull]

Seconding the Grasshopper Mouse.

I've always had a soft spot for the little fella, although I fear his days may be numbered if he doesn't get a new manager in.

4-3-3 could be his downfall?

 

[Badger]

4-3-3 could be his downfall?

Especially away from home.

 

[jimhigham]

Tardigrade, Honey Badger, Toy Poodle (oh you wags, you), Deathstalker Scorpion, Saltwater Crocodile, Stoat, Cassowary, Naked Mole Rat, Grasshopper Mouse and Mantis Shrimp all safely though and joining the Hippo.

The Great White Bunny has been disqualified on the grounds of its gratuitous fictitiousness. The EU Negotiators are also very busy just now and have had to withdraw.

 

[father_and_son]

Seconding the cockroach... F**kers are virtually indestructible. While you are dying of radiation poisoning or freezing in an ice age he will just shrug it off.

 

[Ninja Elephant]

It's the year of the Tiger and it's time we all accepted it.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wBNLlHFBnKE

Be under no illusions, the Tiger will take on and murderise anything which dares come near;

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tiger_attack

This extremely real and not even slightly edited picture proves what happens when you try to dance with one.

 

[Washie]

Chris Hughton

 

[Vatican Citys No.2 Keeper]

Tasmanian Devil

 

[TomandJerry]

Year of the crocodile!

Crocodile gets my nomination this year.

 

[Giraffe]

Can’t see if it’s been nominated yet but I’m nominating humans. We are not the strongest animals but the power of our brains mean we dominate the world. End of contest.

 

[LlcoolJ]

Semantics - What does hard mean? Is your dick sometimes hard? Well for some of you it might crest in the morning before the stress of living sinks in and your morning wood dissolves.

Mammals are predominantly soft. They nurture their young and piss about attempting to assert dominance amongst their clan.

Now consider the plight of a new born reptile. No suckling from the mothers teat for them. Break out of the shell and immediately they must fend for themselves. Inert, primal instinct will make them predators from day one. Literally killing and eating flesh from birth, no training required.

Let's welcome the return of The King Cobra.

https://youtu.be/Wien_2-yO8Q


Now - let's get this straight - this is no spitting cobra (although they too, are pretty hard), neither is it a monocled cobra which kills about 30,000 humans a year. This IS the KING cobra (and it actually isn't of the cobra genus at all) No, no - this is something very different to those venomous ankle nippers of the 'naga' genus. The KING is of the 'elapidae' genus meaning they have fixed fangs that can chew the venom into you again and again and again. It is the longest venomous snake in the world - we're talking 5 meters of death noodle. They have 10 times more venom per bite than any other snake - enough to kill a full grown elephant with a nip. A king cobra can stand taller than you and stare into you eyes before you shit your pants. But fear not, they may decide to kill you with a microgram of their neurotoxic juice, but they won't eat you - not their cuppa tea. These monsters like to eat their own kind - other snakes....big snakes,too. They will eat pythons, boas and other King cobras coz cannablization don't matter to them at all. Sometimes they chose to shag and eat their quarry simultaneously. Gives a whole new meaning to dinner dating.

Seconded, or thirded etc haven't scrolled down yet.