Well that was all a bit grim. Safe to say that we've all had better match days. What would be good right now is some sort of distraction...
The 2018 World's Hardest Creature competition enters the final group stage. After the back to back bunfights that were groups B & C we reach D, which is an altogether different affair. Group D has a sedate, almost cuddly look about it. Frankly, it's remarkable that a random draw threw together something as laughably soft as this. Just a glance at this group is a strong argument for seeding but then shame on you all for nominating them. Purists will complain that the likes of the horse have a tilt at the title while the jaguar has more or less been ushered out of the door already. However, that's knockout tournaments for you. Any creature, given the benefit of a soft draw, could go all the way (© 1990 - Crystal Palace).
WHC Productions would also like to take this opportunity to apologise for the amateurish standard of the 2018 coverage to date. Missing polls and incorrect thread titles are not acceptable and we are aware that you, the discerning consumer expect better. The producer has been reminded of his responsibilities and shown a room empty save for a hyena. The hyena, already angry at failing to make the group stages, wanted a full and frank discussion about the matter. Fingers crossed the producer now has the message and matters should improve.
Without further ado, here are your Group D competitors...
Basset Hound - https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Basset_Hound
Well two of you wanted the Basset Hound in the hat so we expect you to step up to the plate and put forward a case for it otherwise it's hard to see anything other than a sound drubbing for the Hush Puppies mascot. A breed noted for its docile demeanour? Hmm... Seriously. We've got nothing.
Dung Beetle - https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dung_beetle
Again, another tough one to build a case for but you asked for it. If spending your day searching for, hanging around, fighting over and eating turd counts as hard then the Dung Beetle is a winner. If your definition is somewhat different then it's going to be an uphill battle for the plucky poop merchant. The Ancient Egyptians liked them though and they can navigate by the stars, which is pretty cool.
Jewel Wasp - https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Emerald_cockroach_wasp
OK. Here we go then. Something that exhibits hard behaviour while looking pretty bling. While the Jewel Wasp only really picks a fight with cockroaches, it does a proper job on them. It begins by stinging the hapless cockroach purely to paralyse the front legs. The second sting is delivered to the precise spot in the brain that governs the cockroach's escape reflex. Then the JW gets to work, chewing off half of each antenna and leading the roach to its burrow. An egg is laid and the larva eats the roach alive over a period of days. There's more to it than that. Look it up. It's gross.
Immortal Jellyfish - https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Turritopsis_dohrnii
Anything with immortal in the name must be a little bit hard, right? Just reading up on this is a bit of a mind bender but if we have this right, the Immortal Jellyfish simply opts to revert back to a juvenile state and repeat its cycle. As such, it just doesn't die unless it is eaten or become diseased. A Kyoto scientist claims to have kept a colony in captivity which has rebirthed itself 11 times. Amusingly, the scientist writes songs about them.
Horse - https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Horse
Elegant? Yes. Speedy? Undoubtedly. Tasty? Possibly. Hard? Well that's up to you to decide. It's hard to argue horses are truly hard given their love of grass, their dramatic dislike of broken legs and their readiness to be domesticated however; you wouldn't want to pick a fight with a wild one, would you? Or even walk behind a regular one for that matter. Humankind has also relied on them in war and conflict for millennia.
Tasmanian Devil - https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tasmanian_devil
Even the cartoon Tasmanian Devil was hard, laying waste to all around it. Despite being pint-sized the real Tasmanian devil is muscular and a ferocious feeder. They have been known to take down small kangaroos, wombats and, more worryingly, younger Tasmanian devils.
Blue Diamond Tiger Shrimp
Now we feel we may have been played here. Wikipedia doesn't even have an inkling what this might be and the only hint of these online appears to be where to get them to keep; all of which gives the lie to the nominator's suggestion that the cannot be contained in a tank and break whales' teeth with their shells. Naming names, we are expecting some kind of justification from The Antikythera Mechanism for this one.
Bobbit Worm - https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Eunice_aphroditois
What a beast this is. Lurking on the ocean floor, looking like hell and dreaming of ambush. When a Bobbit Worm strikes it can do so with such force that it has been known to tear its prey in half. They can carry harpoon shaped stingers and will take on prey much larger than themselves, which has always been a key 'hard' characteristic in this tournament.
Nautiloid - https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nautiloid
Another ocean dweller in this, the moistest of groups. From the Cambrian to the present day, this predator has been roaming the Indian Ocean. It hunts using the trick of judiciously squirting water to take out its prey. Clever no doubt but it also looks hard as hell, with its unsettling stare and appendages galore.
Great White Shark - https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Great_white_shark
Finally. Something undoubtedly, unquestionably hard. Aside from the rarest of Orca attacks the Great White has no predators and while it is not a man-eater by nature, it is still reported as being the species responsible for greatest number of unprovoked and fatal shark attacks on humans. Apparently the number of fatalities would be far higher but for the fact that we're just not that tasty (too many bones!). Also ballsy enough to attack the occasional boat. Immortalised in popular culture by the movie 'Jaws'. How could those of us of a certain age ever forget?
The choice is yours.
The 2018 World's Hardest Creature competition enters the final group stage. After the back to back bunfights that were groups B & C we reach D, which is an altogether different affair. Group D has a sedate, almost cuddly look about it. Frankly, it's remarkable that a random draw threw together something as laughably soft as this. Just a glance at this group is a strong argument for seeding but then shame on you all for nominating them. Purists will complain that the likes of the horse have a tilt at the title while the jaguar has more or less been ushered out of the door already. However, that's knockout tournaments for you. Any creature, given the benefit of a soft draw, could go all the way (© 1990 - Crystal Palace).
WHC Productions would also like to take this opportunity to apologise for the amateurish standard of the 2018 coverage to date. Missing polls and incorrect thread titles are not acceptable and we are aware that you, the discerning consumer expect better. The producer has been reminded of his responsibilities and shown a room empty save for a hyena. The hyena, already angry at failing to make the group stages, wanted a full and frank discussion about the matter. Fingers crossed the producer now has the message and matters should improve.
Without further ado, here are your Group D competitors...
Basset Hound - https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Basset_Hound
Well two of you wanted the Basset Hound in the hat so we expect you to step up to the plate and put forward a case for it otherwise it's hard to see anything other than a sound drubbing for the Hush Puppies mascot. A breed noted for its docile demeanour? Hmm... Seriously. We've got nothing.
Dung Beetle - https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dung_beetle
Again, another tough one to build a case for but you asked for it. If spending your day searching for, hanging around, fighting over and eating turd counts as hard then the Dung Beetle is a winner. If your definition is somewhat different then it's going to be an uphill battle for the plucky poop merchant. The Ancient Egyptians liked them though and they can navigate by the stars, which is pretty cool.
Jewel Wasp - https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Emerald_cockroach_wasp
OK. Here we go then. Something that exhibits hard behaviour while looking pretty bling. While the Jewel Wasp only really picks a fight with cockroaches, it does a proper job on them. It begins by stinging the hapless cockroach purely to paralyse the front legs. The second sting is delivered to the precise spot in the brain that governs the cockroach's escape reflex. Then the JW gets to work, chewing off half of each antenna and leading the roach to its burrow. An egg is laid and the larva eats the roach alive over a period of days. There's more to it than that. Look it up. It's gross.
Immortal Jellyfish - https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Turritopsis_dohrnii
Anything with immortal in the name must be a little bit hard, right? Just reading up on this is a bit of a mind bender but if we have this right, the Immortal Jellyfish simply opts to revert back to a juvenile state and repeat its cycle. As such, it just doesn't die unless it is eaten or become diseased. A Kyoto scientist claims to have kept a colony in captivity which has rebirthed itself 11 times. Amusingly, the scientist writes songs about them.
Horse - https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Horse
Elegant? Yes. Speedy? Undoubtedly. Tasty? Possibly. Hard? Well that's up to you to decide. It's hard to argue horses are truly hard given their love of grass, their dramatic dislike of broken legs and their readiness to be domesticated however; you wouldn't want to pick a fight with a wild one, would you? Or even walk behind a regular one for that matter. Humankind has also relied on them in war and conflict for millennia.
Tasmanian Devil - https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tasmanian_devil
Even the cartoon Tasmanian Devil was hard, laying waste to all around it. Despite being pint-sized the real Tasmanian devil is muscular and a ferocious feeder. They have been known to take down small kangaroos, wombats and, more worryingly, younger Tasmanian devils.
Blue Diamond Tiger Shrimp
Now we feel we may have been played here. Wikipedia doesn't even have an inkling what this might be and the only hint of these online appears to be where to get them to keep; all of which gives the lie to the nominator's suggestion that the cannot be contained in a tank and break whales' teeth with their shells. Naming names, we are expecting some kind of justification from The Antikythera Mechanism for this one.
Bobbit Worm - https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Eunice_aphroditois
What a beast this is. Lurking on the ocean floor, looking like hell and dreaming of ambush. When a Bobbit Worm strikes it can do so with such force that it has been known to tear its prey in half. They can carry harpoon shaped stingers and will take on prey much larger than themselves, which has always been a key 'hard' characteristic in this tournament.
Nautiloid - https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nautiloid
Another ocean dweller in this, the moistest of groups. From the Cambrian to the present day, this predator has been roaming the Indian Ocean. It hunts using the trick of judiciously squirting water to take out its prey. Clever no doubt but it also looks hard as hell, with its unsettling stare and appendages galore.
Great White Shark - https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Great_white_shark
Finally. Something undoubtedly, unquestionably hard. Aside from the rarest of Orca attacks the Great White has no predators and while it is not a man-eater by nature, it is still reported as being the species responsible for greatest number of unprovoked and fatal shark attacks on humans. Apparently the number of fatalities would be far higher but for the fact that we're just not that tasty (too many bones!). Also ballsy enough to attack the occasional boat. Immortalised in popular culture by the movie 'Jaws'. How could those of us of a certain age ever forget?
The choice is yours.
