Why are farts funny?

[Man of Harveys]

Why are they? They ARE funny, real, loud ones are at least. But not all bodily functions are - breathing isn't, for example. You don't announce to your mates "here, I've got a big one brewing", only to do a massive INHALE, do you?

 

[Scotty Mac]

interesting

while i do find them amusing, i find a good old fashioned, hugely exagerated SNEEZE a lot more funny. i mean, when i hear one in public, sometimes i find it hard to control my laughter

 

[¡Cereal Killer!]

I just think they are, especially in quiet public places with people around. Like a church in middle of prayer or a lift or even an office meeting.

 

[Easy 10]

Its because it comes out of your bottom, and bottoms are naughty and smelly.

 

[pasty]

Just because.

 

[¡Cereal Killer!]

Once upon a time, there lived a man who had a terrible passion for baked beans. He loved them, but they always had an embarrassing and somewhat lively effect on him.

One day he met a girl and fell in love. When it became apparent that they would marry, he thought to himself, she'll never go through with the marriage with me carrying on like this, so he made the supreme sacrifice and gave up beans. Shortly after that they were married.

A few months later, on the way home from work, his car broke down and since they lived in the country, he called his wife and told her that he would be late because he had to walk. On his way home, he passed a small cafe and the wonderful aroma of baked beans overwhelmed him. Since he still had several miles to walk he figured he could walk off any ill effects before he got home.

So he went in and ordered, and before leaving had 3 extra large helpings of baked beans. All the way home he putt-putted. By the time he arrived home he felt reasonably safe.

His wife met him at the door and seemed somewhat excited. She exclaimed, "Darling, I have the most wonderful surprise for you for dinner tonight!" She put a blindfold on him, and led him to his chair at the head of the table and made him promise not to peek.

At this point he was beginning to feel another one coming on. Just as his wife was about to remove the blindfold, the telephone rang. She again made him promise not to peek until she returned, and away she went to answer the phone.

While she was gone, he seized the opportunity. He shifted his weight to one leg and let go. It was not only loud, but also ripe as a rotten egg. He had a hard time breathing, so he felt for his napkin and fanned the air about him.

He had just started to feel better, when another urge came on. He raised his leg and RRIIIPPPP !!! It sounded like a diesel engine revving, and smelled worse. To keep from gagging, he tried fanning his arms a while, hoping the smell would dissipate. He got another urge. This was a real blue ribbon winner, the windows shook, the dishes on the table rattled and a minute later the flowers on the table were dead. While keeping an ear tuned in on the conversation in the hallway, and keeping his promise of staying blindfolded, he carried on like this for the next ten minutes, farting and fanning each time with his napkin. When he heard the phone farewells he neatly laid his napkin on his lap and folded his hands on top of it.

Smiling contentedly, he was the picture of innocence when his wife walked in. Apologizing for taking so long, she asked if he had peeked at the dinner table. After assuring her he had not peeked, she removed the blindfold and yelled, "SURPRISE!!!"

To his shock and horror, there were twelve dinner guests seated around the table for his surprise birthday party.

 

[¡Cereal Killer!]

Doctor, "What seems to be the problem?"

Patient, "Doc, I've got the farts. I mean I fart all the time,"

The Doctor nods, "Hmm."

Patient, "My farts do not stink and you can't hear them. It's just that I fart all the time. Look, we've been talking here for about 10 minutes and I've farted five times. You didn't hear them and you don't smell them, do you?"

"Hmm," says the Doctor,

He picks up his pad and writes out a prescription.

The patient is thrilled "Great doc. This prescription, will it really clear up my farts?"

"No," sighs the Doctor, "The prescription is to clear your sinuses. Next week I want you back here for a hearing test."

 

[Man of Harveys]

I think there is comedy in UNEXPECTED noises: no-one knows what a fart is going to sound like, not even the provider.

BTW: I'm far from questioning that they're funny - I've just returned from a trip to the toilet where an off-key brass quintet was seemingly practising in the next cubicle, hence the inspiration for this magnificent thread.

 

[Easy 10]

I like the ones that sound like someone going "uh-ohhh"
They crack me up every time.

 

[Scotty Mac]

I think there is comedy in UNEXPECTED noises: no-one knows what a fart is going to sound like, not even the provider.

good answer!

that may explain why a sneeze is comical

 

[Man of Harveys]

good answer!

that may explain why a sneeze is comical

If you find sneezes funny, I reckon I'd crack you up: I sneeze MASSIVE sneezes every time, 4-5 of them too. But they are pindrops compared to my grandfathers' - those could cause avalanches. In the ANDES.

Sneezes get louder as you get older too. WICKED - that's some compensation for your cock not working any more.

Yup, I'm a bit BORED today.

 

[sullyupthewing]

It's funny when a women lets one rip and coughs to try and hide it, they never quite get it in synch though.

 

[Scotty Mac]

If you find sneezes funny, I reckon I'd crack you up: I sneeze MASSIVE sneezes every time, 4-5 of them too. But they are pindrops compared to my grandfathers' - those could cause avalanches. In the ANDES.

Sneezes get louder as you get older too. WICKED - that's some compensation for your cock not working any more.

Yup, I'm a bit BORED today.

my grandad has what he calls "sneexing attacks", when he latches onto about 10 in a row that sound like he is coughing on a small child. they are immense

 

[The Large One]

I've cleared the entire away stand at Rushden & Diamonds with my hilarious pumpery japes.

 

[Man of Harveys]

On occasion, I am still haunted by the terrified, death-fearing expressions on people's faces as I cleared the dancefloor at the Gloucester with one vast vegetable-fuelled toxic emission in about 1988. It was like Bhopal out there.

 

[¤DãŃn¥ §êãGüLL¤]

Sometimes when I'm naked in the bathroom and need to fart I bend over and look between my legs so I can see my anus contract in the mirror, hope no one finds this odd.

 

[Jam The Man]

The funniest thing about farts is watching the massive over-reaction at people who claim to be disgusted that people actually break wind.

Those such people are of the highest order.

 

[Shropshire Seagull]

More funny than a bum fart has to be the fanny fart.

Don't happen very often, but when it does, turns serious sex into a giggle-fest.

 

[Muhammad - I’m hard - Bruce Lee]

my missus doesn't find my farts funny.



but then again i take quite a dim view when my staffy does one

 

[Screaming J]

interesting

while i do find them amusing, i find a good old fashioned, hugely exagerated SNEEZE a lot more funny. i mean, when i hear one in public, sometimes i find it hard to control my laughter

Hve you ever sneezed so loudly and strongly that its also made you produce a fart??