[News] Whatever it is I’m against it.

[Jim Van Winkle]

People who order something by saying "can I get...?"
No, thicket - the person SERVING you will GET. You will HAVE. Can I HAVE.

Please, may I have . . .

Where you born in a barn?

 

[Easy 10]

Please, may I have . . .

Where you born in a barn?

My mum used to say that if I left a door or window open.

I save my 'please' for the end of the sentence, as then it doubles as a smile

 

[Justice]

Shops that call themselves houses, Steak house, tea house, your not a f.ucking house.

 

[Jim Van Winkle]

My mum used to say that if I left a door or window open.

I save my 'please' for the end of the sentence, as then it doubles as a smile

My old man use to say it too. Also, he use to say ‘stop leaning on the radiator that keeps me warm in the Winter, you don’t’.

Always full of lolz my old man.

 

[sams dad]

Since never.

However, I should say here that I am speaking as a grumpy middle aged man who is filled with abject horror at the mere prospect of ever re-visiting a Chessington, or Legoland, or Alton Towers, or any other god-forsaken theme park of misery at some pain-in-the-arse far-flung place to get to. If I HAD to go, then I would much rather spend the entire day sitting in the carpark on my own with a book, the radio, a tablet and a modest lunch than spend my whole day imprisoned in one of those infernal overcrowded overpriced loud over-populated-with-other- peoples-screaming-kids death camps for the soul again. Been there, done that. And if I ever suggested such a weekend to any of my mates, I imagine they would similarly physically recoil, appalled at the idea.

Yep, I'm a miserable old scrote.

You are now a Grandad, aren’t you?
Therefore you will, at some time in the future, visit Chessington or Legoland or .........!

 

[ozzygull]

"Vinyls" instead of records or LPs

 

[Saladpack Seagull]

Please, may I have . . .

Where you born in a barn?

I always say "Do you come from Yapton?" and get a bit despondent when fewer and fewer people seem to understand this peculiarly Sussex question. On the "Please may I have" subject, my mate used this phrase in America and was amazed when the waitress he was speaking to nearly dropped her notepad in surprise and said in her Southern accent "My, but you're AWFUL polite!"

 

[Jim Van Winkle]

I always say "Do you come from Yapton?" and get a bit despondent when fewer and fewer people seem to understand this peculiarly Sussex question. On the "Please may I have" subject, my mate used this phrase in America and was amazed when the waitress he was speaking to nearly dropped her notepad in surprise and said in her Southern accent "My, but you're AWFUL polite!"

Very true. Living in the US, I always make an effort to use ‘please may I have’. The look of shock that you’re being polite on the server's or barista’s face always tickles me (probably the cool accent too).

 

[Dick Head]

Why is this a problem? An Americano is Espresso + water. Some people choose to add milk, others don't.

An Americano is black. If you want milk you ask for an Inglese. Hope this helps.

 

[Norman Potting]

Breakfast radio shows where the inane presenters spend most of the time between the banal records summarising the banalities of the previous evening's reality/celebrity TV show.

The reason I listen to the excellent Planet Rock who are more likely to be playing an obscure "Doors" track instead.

 

[goldstone]

Tattoos