What They Say, What They Mean

[el punal]

A little Friday jollity for you. As we are entering the last week of the transfer window, prepare for the mass transit of players leaving/arriving at various clubs throughout the football world.

So, these shirt wearing, scarf holding, badge kissing, upstanding and virtuous members of the football fraternity attend their first media conference at their new club. What will they say and AND what do they mean.

Example : "This is a club that I've always wanted to play for." ( The £80,000 a week for three years did it for me.)

or, "I've found my spiritual home." ( There's a Nandos just around the corner from the ground.)

or, " This club is really going places." ( Yeah, downwards and relegation.)

or, " This is a real, traditional football club." ( They've won bugger all since 1936)

Over to you on some wonderful sarcastic "footballisms" that will be uttered by our heroes.

 

[Lady Whistledown]

"Everyone knows what great support they have" (The stadium is a shithole and they're odds on to be relegated).

 

[RexCathedra]

This is a well-managed team that's making all the right moves. (They got me in a boot sale. Hell, they got the whole squad in a boot sale...)

 

[Prince Monolulu]

I always supported them as a kid and it's a dream come true (It was the only offer that came up)

 

[Phat Baz 68]

The Gaffa and Chairman have made me feel so welcome I know I will fit in here and do my best for some great people at a great club

****ing mugs !!!!! Ha ha ha ha take me to the bank .....
£90,000 a week
£90,000 a week
Eee aye alleeyo Im on £90,000 a week

 

[Lady Whistledown]

I've supported........ all my life I am Robbie Keane

 

[Dorset Seagull]

They seem a great bunch of lads (we went on the piss on my first night )

 

[Winker]

"I've had a great reception from the fans" (I'm their only signing this window)

 

[Prince Monolulu]

I am settling in gradually, I knew it would take some time to adapt but people are trying to help where they can - GETMEOUTOFHERE

 

[Goldstone1976]

I can learn a lot from the gaffer - Play me, you B'stard

I always put in 110% - I'm too numerically illiterate to get a proper job, so I have to make this work

Their keeper made a great save off me; a worldy really. I scuffed my shot

 

[Eeyore]

I wanted a new challenge- This was the only offer on the table

 

[Harry H]

They're a great bunch of lads who really stick together.

They can't play football,but they will kick lumps out of anybody.

 

[banjo]

They've taken Me in like a brother ............ They can't fecking stand Me.

 

[Cheshire Cat]

This is a club that is really going places - mostlydownwards but hey 90 grand a week, 90 grand a week......

 

[Cheshire Cat]

I'm looking to reclaim England place - nobody else would agree my ludicrously expensive personal terms which is why I'm stuck with Fulham/QPR/Burnley (insert as applicable)

 

[Winker]

"I have a lot of time for the Chairman" (Some oil-soaked sheikh with more billions in the bank than brain cells)

 

[Hyperion]

"You only have to look at the stadium and training ground to be impressed by the club, which is the main reason why I joined"

- "they offered a grand more a week than Wycombe Wanderers"

 

[Grombleton]

"They're a proper, footballing side"

- they kick shit out of you and hoof it up to the big man at every given opportunity.

 

[seagullwedgee]

"The lads are really sticking together and we can feel that momentum beginning to build....."

...... "We've lost our first five games in a row, the Manager has lost all respect of the players but has told us to say we are sticking together, but we are heading down the shitter at a colossal rate of knots, so I've got my agent looking for a January transfer for me already ......."

 

[Drebin]

"It's a competitive squad and everyone has to earn their place" or " I hope I can help the club achieve their ambition."



I'm here to sit on the bench.