We have a draw full of knifes but seemingly no forks.
Someone in my office is a bit OCD about germs, so if anyone sneezes or coughs he drops what he's doing and leaves the room for a few minutes
Regardless of what the card being passed round is for (leaving, baby, marriage, etc), I ALWAYS write 'Happy Birthday'. It royally p*sses off the woman who organises these things!
People need to select their meal choices for the christmas do by FRIDAY.
People are asking each other what they're having and, many of them, are concerned that they 'have to make a decision so soon'.
Air conditioning. Too hot for some, too cold for others. Our control panel is now under lock and key
having a wank at my desk - the women hate it - f***ing moaning minnies.
I assume that at the Christmas do there will be chaos because no-one will be able to remember what they've ordered.
A bloke in the building had a very sweet tooth and always had open packets of biscuits and cakes lying around his workstation. He noticed the biscuits seemed to be disappearing more quickly than he was eating them resulting in a few accusations about light fingered colleagues which everyone denied. Shortly after this matey spotted a (real) mouse getting stuck into the biccies on his desk. There was a debate about culling the aforementioned mouse but the rodent lovers protested so it was decided to liberate it from the building. Someone else pointed out that mice easily find their way back home so they did an experiment by capturing the mouse, painting a Tippex stripe on its back and the biscuit loving colleague was persuaded to drive it several miles away and let it loose deep in the Sussex countryside. Shortly after his return to the office he was gobsmacked to find an identical mouse with a Tippexed white stripe on its back heading for his desk......there were lots of 'told you so' comments to him about him not believing his colleagues advice. It then took him several days to work out that his co-workers had planted another mouse. He got the point and a) kept his biccies inside his desk b) but always offered them around the office.
This.
Generally (though not always) split according to gender - the ladies in the office love nothing more than turning it into a sauna (and bizarely still wearing jumpers), while the lads would much prefer it cooler. Having apparently been brought up in a barn, I'll happily sit here in a T-shirt, perfectly warm, while others are 'freezing cold' wearing 3 jumpers.
I managed to convince everyone that I'd set a 'PIN Lock' on the aircon control unit for MONTHS until I was out of the office and it turned genuinely cold one day... I had to admit there was no PIN when they phoned to ask what it was!
What annoys me is that instead of putting the temperature up 1 degree, if the sheilas are cold one of them will whack it right up so it gets STIFLING
masturbating furiously
Women don't understand how a thermostat works. They work on the basis that if you put it too the max, then it will get to a comfortably warm temperature quicker than if you we're to just set it at a comfortably warm temperature in the first place.