Twenty things you can only say at Christmas

[Deleted User X18H]

1. I prefer breasts to legs

2. Tying the legs together keeps the inside moist.

3. Smother the butter all over the breasts!

4. If I don't undo my trousers, I'll burst!

5. I've never seen a better spread!

6. I'm in the mood for a little dark meat.

7. Are you ready for seconds yet?

8. It's a little dry, do you still want to eat it?

9. Just wait your turn, you'll get some!

10. Don't play with your meat.

11. Stuff it up between the legs as far as it will go.

12. Do you think you'll be able to handle all these people at once?

13. I didn't expect everyone to come at the same time!

14. You still have a little bit on your chin.

15. How long will it take after you put it in?

16. You'll know it's ready when it pops up.

17. Just pull the end and wait for the bang.

18. That's the biggest bird I've ever had!

19. I'm so full, I've been gobbling nuts all morning

20. Wow, I didn't think I could handle all that and still want more!

 

[Hampden Park]

santa claus you kvnt, where's my f***ing bike

 

[Brighton till i die]

santa claus you kvnt, where's my f***ing bike

.....i've opened all this other shit and there's nothing that i like....

have you heard the song with the exact same lyrics? very rude!!

 

[Gwylan]

1. I prefer breasts to legs

2. Tying the legs together keeps the inside moist.

3. Smother the butter all over the breasts!

4. If I don't undo my trousers, I'll burst!

5. I've never seen a better spread!

6. I'm in the mood for a little dark meat.

7. Are you ready for seconds yet?

8. It's a little dry, do you still want to eat it?

9. Just wait your turn, you'll get some!

10. Don't play with your meat.

11. Stuff it up between the legs as far as it will go.

12. Do you think you'll be able to handle all these people at once?

13. I didn't expect everyone to come at the same time!

14. You still have a little bit on your chin.

15. How long will it take after you put it in?

16. You'll know it's ready when it pops up.

17. Just pull the end and wait for the bang.

18. That's the biggest bird I've ever had!

19. I'm so full, I've been gobbling nuts all morning

20. Wow, I didn't think I could handle all that and still want more!

Were you listening to Lokki last night?

 

[Skaville]

16. You'll know it's ready when it pops up.

I got this email earlier in the week and I still have no idea what this one is about. Christmas toast perhaps?

 

[HampshireSeagulls]

Went late night food shopping last night, wife excelled herself.

When asked, did she want any onions, she replied "I've already got two big ones". Never one to let a "Carry On" moment slip past, I moved away, saying "pardon". "I've already got two big ones" came the reply, a little louder, drawing the attention of other shoppers to her. As I moved further away still, saying that I couldn't hear her, she flashed, bellowing "I said, I've already got two big ones". Cue silence in a 50m radius, one embarassed wife (yes, she is rather well endowed in the chest section). She has also been known to be "persuaded" to ask the bakers for "large baps", and to ask other staff for "well stuffed breasts".

No, she's not blonde, but she makes shopping tolerable.

 

[Man of Harveys]

Re: Re: Twenty things you can only say at Christmas

I got this email earlier in the week and I still have no idea what this one is about. Christmas toast perhaps?

I think it's about an erect penis.

 

[Bakesy]

You big tease you...............where's the bloody pictures!!!

 

[Hampden Park]

.....i've opened all this other shit and there's nothing that i like....

have you heard the song with the exact same lyrics? very rude!!

yeah its rude, kevin bloody wilson wasnt it?

 

[Brighton till i die]

yeah its rude, kevin bloody wilson wasnt it?

not a clue mate - heard it when i was about 12 - laughed my tits off though!!

 

[Gazwag]

santa claus you kvnt, where's my f***ing bike

Two years ago a friends little girl (she was 4 or 5 I think) sat on Santa's knee in a shopping centre and was giving a present which she opened and said

"Jesus Christ Christmas, I wanted a bike not a book"

Her mum was a little bit embarressed

 

[Knightsworld]

not a clue mate - heard it when i was about 12 - laughed my tits off thouLyrics

Hey Santa claus you !!!!!

Where's me f***ing bike?

I've unwrapped all this other junk and there's nothing that I like.

I wrote you a f***ing letter and I come to see you twice

Ya worn out geriatric fart, you forgot me f***ing bike.

If I wanted a pair of bloody thongs, I'd have bloody asked.

And this cowboy suit and ping pong set you can shove right up your arse!

You've stuffed me bloody order up

It's enough to make you spew

And I'm not the only one who's snakey

Me sisters dirty too!

(female voice)
Hey santa clause you !!!!!

Where's me f***ing pram?

You promised me you'd bring me one, you remember who I am.

'Cause I'm the little girl who you made sit right on your hand

I'll give you f***ing ho ho ho

You forgot me f***ing pram

(male voice)
Next time I come to see ya, I'm gonna punch you in the guts

And I'll let your f***ing reihndeer go and kick Rudolf in the nuts!

You just wait 'till next year, when you go to that store

And me and me little sister, come stomping through the door

And we'll say, yeah you wait for it

Hey mums and dads you smell his breath and check his bloodshot eyes

And don't listen to him boys and girls 'cause he tells f***ing lies

He's just a piss tank and a pervert, and he's not even very bright

'Cause the old f***ing wanker Forgot me f***ing bike.

You wait you old !!!!, I'm gonna dob you in

Tell me old man on you, he's gonna punch your f***ing lights out

"I saw mummy sucking santa clause" gh!!

 

[SurreySeagulls]

I believe the band in question are called

Bobs' Bloody Bastards