Mr Banana
Tedious chump
The furious Keane bit would provide welcome respite and amusement, but the remainder sounds awful.
And there I was, switching off and relaxing on a Friday night after a stressful week, AND YOU COME ALONG AND RUIN IT.
Sorry pal. Would the sound of Kelly Jones singing "made me feeeel like the one" over an echoey tannoy in the style of a man heaving up the offcuts of a troublesome curry perhaps improve things?